Can i pay for my own bridal shower if no one else can?

I'm "throwing" myself a bridal brunch, in lieu of a shower, back in my home state so that my family and friends there don't feel pressured to travel to my current location twice in a matter of months. It's just a simple brunch at a restaurant, we have a private party room for 4 hours, and a set menu that's $15 pp, opting for a cash bar if anyone wants to have a beverage. My stepmom/mom have offered to do decor/invites for it, while I'll be covering the bill for the room/meals. THe invites will say, no gifts necessary (if you wish to purchase a gift please have shipped directly to Ashlee's home in NJ with my address).

So others may say you shouldn't host your own, I'm going to say it's fine provided it's not appearing a cash/gift grab.

It would be considered rude to host a gift giving event for yourself. If no one offers to throw you a shower and you don’t want to skip the event completely, have a bridal luncheon or brunch.

View Quoted Comment What is the difference? The title of the event?

View Quoted Comment No. The entire purpose of a shower is to “shower” the bride with gifts. It’s rude to throw a party that’s all about giving you gifts. A bridal luncheon is hosted by the bride for her bridal party and doesn’t include asking for gifts for herself.

View Quoted Comment Okay can it still have all the elements such as the games and whatnot?

View Quoted Comment They’re not typically included, but I don’t see why not. A simple google search for bridal luncheon will give you a good idea or what it usually includes.

Okay, maybe it's just me, but if you have your mom or sister host and no one actually knows you're the one paying for it then I don't think having a shower isn't allowed. The big thing is that you don't want to be hosting an event where people are bringing gifts. If you can work it out where someone else hosts and possibly puts things together with a budget you set then I personally wouldn't be offended or feel like you're being gift grabby.

Edit: Obviously this depends on your crowd. While I totally get that etiquette says you can't host gift giving events or that you shouldn't "expect" gifts, showers are common and it's well known you're getting gifts for it. Does it really matter if you pay for someone's lunch or your mom does? I'm probably going to get all sorts of crap for this but I truly feel like if you're not super loud about being the one paying and have someone else be the host that day then what's the difference?

I don't really see a problem with it. i agree with Jessi.

i mean when it came to my shower i didn't pay for stuff like the food but i contributed to game prizes and i provided all of the chairs and tables they even used for the event so i absolutely contributed to it regardless.

View Quoted Comment This 100%. Also showers and other wedding celebrations including the reception itself don’t have to be expensive and many are not. Does sister have a home or access to a place where the party can be held? If so, just get a sheet cake and coffee and juices from Costco and call it a day. Invites from Party City. Total cost is under $100 for everything.

View Quoted Comment This is EXACTLY what I was going to say. Just have your MOH be the hostess (she can send out invites, be the person everyone RSVPs to, be in charge of games, etc.), and you can pay for whatever they can’t. No one needs to know who funded the event. Have your shower exactly the way you want it and enjoy, girl!

In some ways, you paying defeats the purpose of a shower. This type of party is typically to "shower" the bride with gifts to set up a household. If you are paying it may wind up being a wash between shower paid for and gifts received.

I wouldn't be offended as the guest and would come, but I might feel that it is transactional. Although, I guess all showers are somewhat transactional.

View Quoted Comment

I dont really understand this logic. People host and pay for events where gifts are given all the time. We set up registries for our weddings, throw those ourselves and pay for that. People host and pay for their own birthday parties frequently. Anniversary parties, vow renewals, etc. I don't see why the bride paying for her own shower would be that big of a deal.

View Quoted Comment Weddings, anniversary parties, and vow renewals aren’t intended to be gift giving events. I’m not sure how it’s hard to understand why it’s rude to throw an entire party that’s all about giving you gifts, but the OP was asking for opinions so it’s fine that we disagree. 😉

Ok, so, you shouldn't ask people to give money to host a party for you. That's considered gift grabby.

What if your MOH contacts your wedding party and finds out if they're willing to contribute, then hosts a party within that budget? That's how it's usually done.

I don't see why not if you have someone else "host" it for you. Your attendees aren't going to come in and ask who paid the bill for the venue and catering! If you would like a bridal shower and are happy to pay for it yourself because someone else cannot, go for it. Personally am in the same situation but cannot afford to throw myself one either after wedding expenses, so its no bridal shower for me

What you help your family pay for is not anyone else's business. AT ALL!!!! If you want a shower then help your sister pay for it. It is truly that simple. I think that way to many people get into others financial business in the first place.

Don’t get stressed over the small stuff.
Your friends and family are here to support and your wedding and all that goes to it but should be a group effort. Don’t be afraid to voice your concerns or your feelings with your family and friends. Good communication is the key and it will all work out.