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Just Said Yes July 2022

Bridesmaid Drama

Haley, on April 16, 2021 at 2:39 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 13

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I’m currently trying to plan my bachelorette party, and I of course invited all of my bridal party and some other friends. One of my bridesmaids has brought up that she doesn’t feel comfortable going because one of the girls I invited is the ex-girlfriend of her current boyfriend. I’m a little irritated because they don’t even know each other, and I’m very close with both of them, I shouldn’t have to pick and choose because of something silly like that. Shouldn’t she be able to put her feelings to the side for one weekend? I need some advice! I hope this isn’t just the beginning of the drama she might bring because I truly want her standing beside me on my special day, but she seems to have forgotten this is my wedding, not hers. Am I being too rude?

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Latest activity by SLY, on April 19, 2021 at 11:08 AM

Master May 2019
Cyndy · on April 16, 2021 at 2:52 PM
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You are not being rude at all. This is your day and she can certainly put this aside for a bit, especially if she doesn’t even know her. I would call her and talk to her about it and at the end of the day if she chooses not to come then it’s her loss. You won’t make everyone happy.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on April 16, 2021 at 2:53 PM
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There’s no requirement to attend the Bachelorette party so I don’t think this is worth starting a fight about. Sure it’s your wedding, but that doesn’t mean she needs to put herself in a potentially awkward social situation if she doesn’t want to.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on April 16, 2021 at 3:04 PM
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Agree with this. If she's not comfortable, don't force her. A weekend with someone you are uneasy around is not fun for any period of time, so try to put yourself in her shoes.
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Super May 2021
Stacey · on April 16, 2021 at 3:20 PM
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You decide the guest list, she decides if she can or wants to attend. Everyone has free will.
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Devoted October 2021
Kk · on April 16, 2021 at 3:31 PM
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You're only rude if you discredit her feelings. Invite both of them, but don't give your bridesmaids a hard time if she doesn't want to put herself in a potentially uncomfortable situation.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on April 16, 2021 at 3:38 PM
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I think it's fine to invite both of them and to let them decide what they want to participate in. i don't blame her for feeling uncomfortable even if she doesn't know her. but i do also see that you'd love it if she could put aside her feelings and attend but just remember that in this case it's kind of hard for her NOT to feel uncomfortable so don't push it too much.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on April 16, 2021 at 3:50 PM
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I agree with this. It sounds like you are planning a whole weekend event, and that's a lot of time to spend around someone that makes you uncomfortable. Let her you know that you are keeping your guest list but that you'll understand if she doesn't want to attend the bachelorette weekend.
You're right that having her beside you on your wedding is the important thing here; any pre-wedding parties don't really matter in the long run.
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Expert May 2021
Erin · on April 16, 2021 at 4:53 PM
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I agree with stacey.. personally i think bachelorette parties are stupid and i have declined going to 2-3 i have been invited to in the past ( i was not even in the bridal parties to begin with either)
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Master 0000
Judith · on April 16, 2021 at 5:33 PM
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Very privately and nicely, but clearly, tell her you invite people based on your own friendship and experience with them. How other people feel is up to them when their weddings come around.
But, for yours, you do not want to hear any tales, or negative things from one friend about another. You are asking her not to tell tales, and if she does, you will take her off any invitation list. It does ot matter if they are true. You will not base your feeling s
about people on what others say. And stop her every time she brings up this mutual issue. If nothing else, it is extremely bad manners.
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January 2014
Pam · on April 16, 2021 at 5:38 PM
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It's just a bachlorette party. No one *has* to attend.
Your feelings aren't rude (and neither are hers) but you will be if you make an issue of this.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on April 16, 2021 at 5:40 PM
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I think if I was in your situation I would ask her why she couldn't be around this girl, yea I get it it's her boyfriends ex, but did this girl do something to her, try to start drama. If there is no issue other than they both been with the same guy I don't see the problem. But I also wouldn't try and push her to go to the Bachelorette weekend. Invite both of them and let them decide if they want to be there.
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Lady · on April 19, 2021 at 10:41 AM
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She doesn't have to attend. Also, you shoudln't be planning your own bachelorette party. If she declines, then ok. Tell you'll miss her and you'll see her at the wedding!
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Master January 2022
SLY · on April 19, 2021 at 11:08 AM
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I agree with this. If it were me, I'd put my feelings aside and be there for the bride and just ignore the fact that an ex of my bf is there lol, which really isn't that tough to do if you distance yourself from them. But idk the situation fully, so I'm not discrediting her feelings in any way!
Invite them both, and if one or both decline, then that's their decision.
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Bridesmaid Drama

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