Bride’s input into Bridal Shower

As I bride, I gave ideas when people asked me. When they were starting to plan they asked me questions to get ideas and to see if there was anything I really wanted like a certain theme. I did make boards on Pinterest to give them ideas, but only because they were asking. If they wouldn't have asked me I wouldn't have given them any opinions.

I don't know anything about my shower except where it is and the day. My mom, MOH and Aunt have been planning it and want to keep it a surprise and I've been totally ok with that. It is a party they are throwing for me and I love them and trust that they will make it a beautiful day I do hope your daughter will be able to do the same.

I just had my bridal shower on Saturday and was heavily involved in the planning. I will say that it helps to remember that wedding planning takes a toll on brides mentally. It is easy to get lost in the stress of everything and forget that your loved ones have the same goal as you-- to make it the best day ever for you and your partner. I, personally, love to know what is going on in any situation that I am in. I also have a hard time feeling comfortable at social events, so feeling as though I was in control of the event was helpful in letting me relax and enjoy myself at the shower. My advice is be as open as you can to your bride, listen to her ideas, match her excitement with them, and remember that the purpose of this event is to shower her with love and support. My mom and I have had a few "just take my check book" moments throughout the planning process and are still currently working on our communication skills to avoid more moments like these. You've got this.

I had 2 showers and knew nothing about either of them. I was a pretty laid back bride though so I don’t know if that’s the norm.

My mom/sister/grandma/aunt are throwing me a shower. It is very generous of them and I’m so happy to have a brunch with the closest women in my life. Beyond the date and location, I know nothing. My grandma has asked me a few small questions (cake flavor preference, napkin color). Other than that, I’m letting them plan it how they want to plan it. I’m thankful they are throwing it and think it is sweet they are planning it with me in mind

My mom and sister are planning for me. I just know when to show up and that is my preference. I don't need another thing to plan.
I guess it depends on the bride.

I just gave my MOH an idea of what kind of vibe I wanted “laid back brunch” and when I was planning hers she did the same. I didn’t know games or decor or anything else. Oh and I told her the guest list after approving a guest count with her and my mom who was hosting.
I think a lot of brides these days want to plan their showers and bachelorette parties because people don’t understand these are parties thrown in your honor by someone who OFFERS, they are not a guarantee or a right and you don’t throw them for yourself.

View Quoted Comment Yep, I had a just take the checkbook moment tonight. I do understand that it is about her, but it is also my moment for her. To plan something for her. I am 2000 miles away. I can’t play any part in her wedding except show up.

Thanks

I know nothing about my shower. I wasn't even supposed to know date or location but ended up finding those out through some loose lips. Otherwise, the only thing I provided was a guest list of who I want there. My MOH and bridesmaids did the whole thing.

I would ask for her opinions and let her know that you will take them into consideration. She should definitely have control over the guest list and the formality of it. I have made sure my bridesmaids know that I don’t want anything fancy. As she is traveling, I would try to make sure that too many physical gifts aren’t brought to the shower because that would be a pain to have to ship back.

View Quoted Comment Thanks you. I have included paper frames inside the invitations to take pictures of the gifts shipped to her home with a cute poem on the invite explaining why. We disagreed on one guest only because I don’t know how to explain to the other family members why one in their group was not invited. I just wanted to make this day a kind of special surprise and the one thing she did have to plan.

I definitely gave a theme idea and a date I would like. I gave my bridesmaids full control.

On the other hand, if my mother were planning this, I'd want way more say. I love my mother but she needs more of my input than my bridesmaids. She has also overstepped in several other areas, so she gets on my nerves a lot easier on wedding plans.

My MOH is in charge of our shower. (We're doing joint.) The only decisions I have had a hand in: date (I have to take off work), and that it is co-ed.

I have a history of ruining surprises for myself, so I'm working VERY HARD to not know anything about the shower!

While I understand your point of view here, I have to admit I’d want to be involved a little bit. My mom and I have VASTLY different styles and ideas of what is appropriate etiquette/wedding-wise. I’ve also planned a LOT of showers, so I have a Pinterest board of inspiration/themes that I’ve collected as I’ve planned for others. I plan to give my input on some things, but let my bridesmaids/childhood friends guide my mom in the right direction. Is your daughter giving you guidance (colors, theme, etc) or is she dictating specific things?

View Quoted Comment Lol, if I were anywhere near her I would probably over step, but I am 2000 miles away. I've only looked at pictures of the wedding dress etc. So, for her shower, I picked her favorite winery, and kept the guest list small; she even knows who is coming. I just wanted one small surprise and not feel like I am clueless or being dictated as to what to do.

Honestly I think it depends on the type of person the bride is. When my stepmom started talking about it I brought up how much it would be and that I’d pay for it (in my defense, I’d been to several showers but NEVER planned one or knew etiquette). That got shut down quickly and then was explained how it’s supposed to be. My stepmom narrowed down a few places to have it at and then let me pick. We both went and ate their before hand and then she booked it. I was involved with putting together gift baskets and favors as it was me, MOH, stepmom, and both my fiancé’s stepmom and mom so I was there to help break the ice a bit. I’m the type of person that wants to be involved so I can help and make their lives easier. Some people are very “type A” and have to be involved and give their input. Others could care less and are ok with having it a total surprise.

Honestly it’s your decision, since you didn’t have to host anything and are doing it out of the kindness of your heart. I would maybe give her a little information or ask questions here or there about theme or food. But not everything has to be approved by her obviously, but it can

No. Things have not changed in manners or etiquette. Shower hostesses are still the ones who plan the parties they give, deciding style, nature of the party ( casual or formal; home, cookout, or venue; snack, meal or beverages served; games and prizes, or simply socializing.). . . . Unfortunately, reality TV and some movies play up the idea that it is the brides day, every day from the moment she is engaged till 2 days after the wedding. Brides dictating everything, to everyone, with absolutely no consideration for manners, other people, or other people's budgets. The outrage of other people when brides do this " bridezilla" routine makes for very dramatic TV shows. Unfortunately, lots of brides model their own behavior on what they see. Take a pause from your shower planning, go to a used or regular bookstore, and buy a real etiquette book that has a wedding section, but also etiquette for all social situations. Miss manners, old Dear Abby or Emily Post: Any real columnist or writer not promoting the wedding industry, and this rudeness of brides as demanding, tantrumming little dictators that reality TV finds so entertaining. . . Read these boards for long, and you will find that many do adhere to basic principles of good manners. But there consistently are some people whose basic presentation is, I don't care what anyone else says, I am going to do what I want. So they plan and give showers for themselves to get presents for themselves, saying that this is the only way they will get exactly what they want. They make plans and lists for their bridal party, requiring a certain type shower, which may cost hundreds or more than a thousand dollars ( 75 to 100 closest friends, catered or at a restaurant.). They insist on bachelorettes flying somewhere for 3-4 days to somewhere expensive, $300-800 per person to attend including meals and entertainment. They choose professional hair and makeup as a requirement , for everyone, and sometimes that whole bridal parties stay overnight with them and also spend 5 hours getting ready together wedding day, then are outraged when some say, I cannot do this. Your daughter is not alone. She needs motherly advice in manners.

I have a super type A personality and like to be in control of everything. I’m also a compulsive planner and have a need to make sure everything is organized. That being said, the only thing I know about my 2 showers is the date. Both of my showers are being thrown by my bridesmaids so I trust they know me well enough to do a fabulous job. Plus, with planning the wedding and our honeymoon, I don’t need something else added to my list.

I think some basic basic input from the bride is fine, but she needs to respect this is something you are doing for her.

My in-laws planned my entire bridal shower. I don’t think I contributed to anything but the guest list. I had a blast! Personally I think the bride should let go and let their family/bridesmaids take care of the shower. If your daughter is super particular and likes to be in control, then I don’t think it’s bad to get input from her but remember you are the one planning this. It doesn’t have to be perfect 😃.

I can understand the bride wanting to have some kind of say in her shower, but honestly, it should only be if you, the host, has asked her for her opinion. My FMIL and some of her friends are planning my shower and I know almost nothing about it besides the date and time, and I’m fiiiiine with that. Planning the wedding is enough 😂