Bride has no say?

Typically the host takes care of all the details for the shower. When I threw one for my coworker, she didn’t have any say on anything except for the date.

I had a lot of say in mine but that’s because my wedding party didn’t want to do anything I’d dislike aha

I don’t know girl.. My mom is planning mine and I told her what I wanted but if she never let me be involved I think I would tell her nvm I don’t want a party 😂 maybe I’m just a brat 😭 but I do think she should take some of your suggestions because the party is for you and should have what u like not what she likes

I have zero say.
His aunts wanted to throw us a shower. Planned on inviting my family too. Then backed out of inviting my family. Which made me sad because I only wanted one shower.
I had a theme in mind, but nope, no say. So now I'm having 2 showers. I got to pick the dates and times. But that's it. My theory is, it's something I don't have to worry about, and I get presents. So what's not to like?

I had no say in mine, not even the date. I was just happy to even have one. That's how i take it. As long as its not my wedding, im good. Mine will be in a reasturant for 2 hours. May i add, its not my fave reasturant. I don't want to seem ungrateful so i'm just going along with it.

I think that’s usually the norm. I think it’s just their way of saying “you have so much to do and pay for let me just do this for you”. I’m going to throw mine my self because I like what I like and I want to make sure my vision is executed.

I mean there are some bridesmaids that will help plan the bridal shower but officially whoever host it does have a say. I don't know your future mother-in-law but I can understand the whole not wanting to be outside as you often have to deal with the weather elements of the day as well as bugs. I wouldn't let the location of the bridal shower stress you out and honestly I think it's a nice gesture that she wants to help you and maybe this is her way of being involved in some of the wedding planning. The wedding planning is all on you and your fiance and she has no control over that for sure so I would make that my main focus is how she's doing a bridal shower is a little frustrating for you.

Yeah it’s kind of typical that the host is in charge of everything. Sometimes including the bride and all the different opinions can complicate things. I’m just giving my sister in law the reigns for total control and also I think it’s fun to be surprised

I didn't have a say in mine either except doing my registry. Just say thank you and be happy it's one less thing you have to worry about!

Like others have said, the bride usually doesn’t have a say in the shower. Usually the bride just gives a date she’s available. I had 3 showers, and only picked out the date! The hosts take care of everything else.

I have two showers. The first one was hosted by my moms friends and family. I had absolutely no say in anything. All they asked was what friends I wanted to invite and what candy I liked. My future sister in law and FH’s aunt are throwing me my next shower and I have no say in that one either. That’s usually how it goes.

I feel your frustration! I recently requested that I NOT have a shower because it was becoming too much. My MOH had been planning one for me (I hadn't planned on being involved in many details other than the date and guest list) but then my MIL wanted to be more involved and because I live where my FH grew up, all of my MIL's family and friends are local and mine are not. So because this was turning into a shower more for my MIL, I canceled. I really do not do well hosting when I don't know the people and I knew I could not handle the social anxiety of having a shower with just my MIL's friends and family. Plus I didn't want to put my MOH through the stress of it. I would have just had to suffer through it though, if my MIL had been paying/throwing it and not my MOH. So I think in your situation, you're stuck dealing with it so you do not offend your aunt in law. It is a nice gesture. Can you have a second shower like some of the others who have commented on this thread?

Best of luck!

I’ve never been involved in a shower where the bride had any say in anything beyond the guest list and maybe making sure the date worked for her.

Yup! I get no say either! Only thing they confirmed with me was the location of it because I'm having it somewhere sentimental to my family! After they checked with the venue they told me the date and I made sure I had it blocked out so I wouldn't get called into work or plan anything else

All of the other details are a secret to me and I am supposed to arrive 30 minutes early haha.

Typically brides are hands off when it comes to the shower or parties thrown in your honor so you really don't get a say when she is hosting/paying for it. Just show up when you are supposed to and enjoy the celebration!

View Quoted Comment But aren’t bridal showers typically thrown by people who know you and know your tastes? None of what she’s doing has anything to do with me. So it’s almost like it’s a party for her. I don’t get it. And I can’t really have another shower, but honestly I would just rather not have one.

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Sometimes but not all the time. It may not be everything you would pick for yourself but at the end of the day, are the color of the napkins or the venue really going to ruin the day for you? Hopefully not. Just try to be thankful and have an open mind. If you really do want to decline the shower, you have every right to or you can just roll with it and enjoy spending time with those coming for you. I am sorry you aren't happy for your shower and if you do go through with having one, I do hope that you have a great time.

I planned my sisters without any input from her and she is planning mine the same way. I even offered to help because I love planning events and she told me that the bride shouldn’t have to do any work at all for their shower, so I get no say lol. I think that’s normal.

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If you truly don't want a shower that isn't exactly what you want, then by all means I'd tell your hosts that you've decided you do not want a shower. However, as pps have said, in many circles it is completely normal for the bride to not tell others how and what to plan, and to just be gracious and thankful for any party thrown in her honor. Different families have different traditions, so declining the kind of shower your FH's aunt wants to throw might not be well received. (In my extended family, showers are typically relatively low-key celebrations at an older relative's home, so that was what my mom expected when my brother got engaged. However, in my SIL's large Italian family, bridal showers were held in higher-end restaurants, with a huge guest list. Did my mom think it was over-the-top when her son's FMIL told her the plans and that my mom's "share" of the cost would be over a $1000??? YES, however, for the good of future relationships she went along with the plan (she could afford the cost, even though it seemed excessive to her).) If you say, "no shower," it's possible the hosts might be offended by your response. That's your choice, but these will be your future in-laws so I'd think about how important it is to you to insist you only want the kind of party you want. Good luck!

Typically the host makes decisions for the party and the bride just attends.