Bridal Shower

It’s impolite because it’s seen as a gift grab. There will be someone in your group who offers to host a shower so go along with that one and they will ask for details such as availability and guest list.

It is seen as a faux pas/rude/gift grabby to plan your own shower, as the purpose is to "shower" the bride in gifts.


Bachelorette parties are usually done by the bridal party, but you can help plan that if you'd like.

View Quoted Comment Understood…unfortunately I don’t have a group just my sisters and cousins and two associates. I honestly just wanted to have one to try and pass the time and have something to look forward too while I wait for my wedding day. Especially since we are having a courthouse wedding.

View Quoted Comment Understood.. I don’t have a bridal party since I’m having a courthouse wedding. But I will cross out bridal shower/ party off the list. I was just thinking to have something to do since my planning is done.

View Quoted Comment Will those people be attending the courthouse? Because unlike the current trend of “throw out all archaic manners” which actually navigate how to avoid awkward social interactions as long as humans continue to exist, it is also seen as a faux pas to have pre wedding parties with anyone who is not invited to the wedding. Your intention is good but there is a specific reason why the rules of interaction are set up how they are.

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It's always fine to host your friends with some nice food and drink. Just don't make it wedding related or require them to bring you gifts, and you are in the clear.

It's considered rude to have a gift giving party for yourself.

It's also a faux pas to invite anyone to a shower who isn't invited to the wedding.

I would do as Maggie suggests and host a lunch or something unrelated to the wedding.

I’m planning my own shower and bachelorette. I don’t care if people say it’s rude as I’m not shoving getting gifts down anyone’s throat. I am doing a honeymoon fund instead of a registry and put the link on my website and invites. Not every bride has a huge family or rich friends to spoil them and pay for parties, so I don’t see the problem with a bride doing it herself. The guests are getting unlimited free drinks and a free meal, and it’s not like I’m requiring a gift before entry lmao. Do whatever you want!!! You don’t even have to tell others that you’re hosting your own shower.

A shower is, by definition about "showering" the bride to be with gifts. In fact, it is one of the few occasions where bringing a gift is considered mandatory by etiquette standards since it's the entire point of the event. There's no way around it because by calling it a shower you are indeed asking for gifts. Regardless of financial status, it is rude and off putting to ask other people to buy you things which is also why registry information is never supposed to go directly on an invitation. Gifts to help you get started in married life are always nice, but if things were so tight that I couldn't even afford the basics without help then I don't see how I could afford to host a wedding either. Good manners and good taste are free. People who love and care for you will likely send or bring nice wedding gifts with or without a shakedown, maybe even nicer if they didn't also attend a shower. That's what I'd do.

And yes, PP is correct that it would be inappropriate to host any pre-wedding events if an intimate courthouse wedding is planned. Anyone invited to a shower or bachelorette must also be invited to the wedding.

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Honest question-If you don't care about proper etiquette and about being polite, why are you asking people on a wedding site for advice? 95% of the population isn't rude and does not want to come off as tacky or selfish, so if you don't care if you are, why are you asking the masses for advice on how to be rude, tacky or selfish? Also-the fact that you are already married is probably the reason you are not having much luck with RSVP's to a bridal shower, when you are not a bride, you are a wife.

OP-Please don't host your own shower. People will talk about you behind your back.

It is considered rude because its a gift giving event so it can seem like a gift grab however I do think it is becoming more common for brides to at least have a hand in the planning of these events. If it works for your circle then go for it. I would stay mindful of only inviting people to the shower and other pre events who will also be invited to the wedding. Best of luck to you with your planning!

View Quoted Comment The only contribution that a bride should have that doesn’t cross boundaries into impolite territory is providing a potential guest list (that the host follows at their discretion), and a list of available dates. Beyond that, the bride should not have a hand in planning because it leans into self planning at that point.

I'm planning my own shower because no one showed any interest in hosting one (including my parents when I straight up asked them). Turns out EVERYONE knew my parents were hosting but no one bothered to tell me. It's been a terrible situation and I no long trust anyone with handling it so I'm just going to do it all myself. If you want to do one yourself and it'll make you happy DO IT. Who cares.

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Who cares? A lot of people will care. It will look like a gift grab. No-one owes you a shower.

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Good thing I'm not inviting you

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Will these people be coming to the courthouse as part of the wedding? Or is this more like an elopement with just the two of you?

If you are having people at the courthouse, you could host them beforehand with a lunch out or something. Just don't call it a "shower", and you're fine. That way you will have an event and something special before the wedding day.