Brittany
Dedicated December 2021

Bridal shower, who pays?

Brittany, on July 14, 2021 at 11:50 PM Posted in Parties and Events 1 13
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My MOH/sister reached out to me asking if one of my bridesmaids who lives on the other side of the country should have to chip in for the shower even though she won't be able to attend. Her (MOH) thought was that it's unfair to the rest of the group (I have 6 total). I had always thought since she (bridesmaid) had to pay for her flight to attend the wedding I wasn't going to ask her for anything else. But I am also not the one planning the shower and could see both sides of this. I told her (MOH) since she's planning it its her call, but she was curious about the etiquette in these situations so I said I just come here and ask. So, thoughts?

13 Comments

Latest activity by Brittany, on July 19, 2021 at 1:26 PM
  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    I don't think anyone should be responsible in paying for an event unless they want to and have some involvement in it. If she is not going to be there and is not included in planning it in any way, I feel like it's rude to ask her to contribute financially to something she is in no way a part of.
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  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    Absolutely no. Whoever is willing to chip on helps pay. It is very inappropriate to ask someone who can't even attend to pay. A bridesmaid is not an ATM
    • Reply
  • Brittany
    Dedicated December 2021
    Brittany ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    This is what I was thinking, but since I’m not involved in the planning I never even thought about it before.
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  • Janet
    Dedicated October 2018
    Janet ·
    • Flag

    The person/persons who are hosting pay. If no one other than the MOH offers to host, then they host what they can afford. Anyone can host/cohost a shower (I am not sure when everyone started to think it was a duty of the bridal party). Those who cannot attend pre-wedding events should never be expected to help foot a bill. And to ask for money from someone who won't even be able to attend and get upset about it is inappropriate.

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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I absolutely agree with this. She has no part in the shower so she should have no part in financially contributing.
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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I agree with this, if she voluntarily wanted to contribute something that's nice of her but she isn't required to contribute anything at all.

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    The bridesmaids are NOT responsible for paying for the shower. The HOST is, and that can be anyone. The MOH can decide to host the shower, and then she is solely responsible for it. The bridesmaids can together decide to host it, and then they would all be responsible for a piece, but that would be something they would have had to establish/plan from the start. Someone else altogether can host too— my mom and aunt hosted my shower, though my bridesmaids helped with decor /games/set up, they had no part in the funding.
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  • SHY
    Master January 2022
    SHY ·
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    I agree with this and everyone else that has commented.

    She's not able to attend or is helping plan in any way so it's not appropriate nor necessary to ask her to contribute financially.

    The only person responsible for that are the ones that are hosting and actively involved in planning.

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  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    It’s so inappropriate for her to even come to you with this! No, BM should not be required to pay and your sister should not be coming to you with these types of complaints.
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    Completely agree with the PPs. It would be extremely inappropriate to have this bridesmaid contribute to a shower that she is neither involved in planning or will be attending. The only people who should be paying are the hosts.

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  • Jacks
    Master September 2019
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    Chipping in for optional parties is always optional for everyone. Only the host (s) are responsible for the costs, and that is considered a gift from then to you.

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  • Katie
    Dedicated May 2023
    Katie ·
    • Flag

    Your sister needed to ask this bridesmaid if she would be willing to help host from the earliest planning stages, and then set the budget based on the number of hosts and how much each was willing to contribute. It is extremely unfair for an MOH to decide unilaterally that the shower will be hosted by all bridesmaids and then get miffed if one of them can't attend (especially since it sounds this bridesmaid is not local). And it's definitely not appropriate for her to have gotten you involved due to her failure to plan this out ahead of time.

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  • Brittany
    Dedicated December 2021
    Brittany ·
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    She didn’t get miffed so much as she was confused and possibly overwhelmed and just wasn’t sure what the etiquette was. I don’t know either, I know myself I’d think she shouldn’t be asked. But, I have never been in a wedding nor has anyone in my bridal party, so we are just going off google at this point.
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