Bridal Shower Stress

No you do not need to invite them to your wedding. It's rude that they are inviting them and even ruder that they are dismissing you. I'd tell them they CANNOT invite those people. And I'm a petty Betty, so I would decline the shower if they will not honor your guest list.

Oooof. I would ask for a copy of the planned guest list, make it explicitly clear to your mom and BM who is not invited to the wedding, and tell them to remove those people from the shower. No "please remove them", no "I don't think I'm inviting them", be explicit. And don't back down on it. If they already mentioned the shower to the person, then that's on them to correct. If they're not close enough to you to warrant an invite to the wedding then I don't know why they would want to come to a shower anyway.

Thanks ladies.. I'll have to keep insisting they remove them. I only have a small handful of people from my home state that are coming and I know they mean well by trying to have more people there but they don't realize how rude that is

What would you have done if it was a surprise?

I know! I'm glad I found out about it ahead of time. I don't know why all my friends and family want all my wedding related things to be a surprise, my bachelorette party is too and I finally freaked out cause I was so stressed about not knowing any details thats when my mom told me about this!

Personally, I think it's OK that some bridal shower guests are not invited to the wedding. People understand in this day and age many couples are funding their own weddings and need to have limited guest lists, or a location (home state vs. the state you live in) make it difficult for everyone to attend. "Mom's" friends want to recognize this special time in their friend's life by going to a shower for her daughter.

Personally, I think it's OK that some bridal shower guests are not invited to the wedding. People understand in this day and age many couples are funding their own weddings and need to have limited guest lists, or a location (home state vs. the state you live in) make it difficult for everyone to attend. "Mom's" friends want to recognize this special time in their friend's life by going to a shower for her daughter.

This is only going to make her look bad, not you.

I'm having a destination wedding and a shower in town. We invited people that aren't on the wedding guest list because they mean a lot to me but they wouldn't be able to travel to the wedding. Of course we have them the option to not get an invite to the shower

It's definitely insulting to invite them to the shower and not the wedding. My advice is, if they are already invited to the shower and you can't un-invite them; then still act surprised! You didn't plan the shower, you are only planning the wedding. Is the wedding in your home state?

Lorell I kind of agree that now to go back and uninvite them to the shower is even more rude. The shower is in Maine and wedding is in North Carolina and I'm pretty confident none of these extra people would make the trip to NC anyway. So I'm debating just sending a wedding invite to avoid just looking gift-grabby.

There is no breach of etiquette if a group of women, knowing they are not invited to the wedding, choose to host a shower in your honor. This is a common situation with co-workers, neighbors, book club members etc.

The grey area here is that these women are not hosting the shower, your Mom and BM are.