Bridal Shower Etiquette

In general people will say not to host your own. But where it is taking place in your house I feel like it's easier for you to do all the invite information for your own good.

I would feel strange about getting an invite from the bride and having to RSVP to her. I also wouldn’t feel comfortable inviting people to a gift giving event that weren’t invited to the wedding.

I don't really care who hosts them, but it isn't traditional for sure. Typically you aren't supposed to host parties for yourself. Are you sure your MOH or other BM don't want to be included?

View Quoted Comment Totally agree with this.

I threw a baby shower and I felt so weird about people RSVPing to me. For a friends shower. If I had to do it over again, I'd probably just set up an event email for it and have everybody RSVP there.

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My matron of honor stepped back because my mom originally wanted to do it but now my mom is just like ehh so I want to have my MOH do it again. It felt super strange to me too when my mom said that and I was like uhhh.... okay lol let me see what else I can do instead haha.

My mom and aunts are throwing my shower, but for the tasks that my mom is working on she’s involved me a lot and asked for me to help with (which I don’t mind because I’m a little of a control freak). My mom isn’t tech savvy so I made the invites on the computer for her, and am having everyone RSVP to my aunt. The invites say “hosted by mom & aunt” and the return addresses are either to my mom and aunt (depending on which labels I had). My point is, even though you’re heavily involved in planning and hosting, you can always easily make it look like it’s from someone else if you feel awkward about it

View Quoted Comment I agree with all this.

Really I'd have everyone RSVP to your mother. Even if it's being held at your house your mom is a also hosting and planning. I'd let her handle it.

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I agree 100% but it wasn't my choice. Originally my mom was hosting and had already started inviting her friends (they have watched me grow up and actually asked to be apart of i knowing they weren't invited to the wedding) All the people invited to the wedding are mostly out of state. I wasn't even sure I wanted to do a bridal shower but mom insisted. Now she doesn't really care for the planning side of it and I am feeling super awkward... My MOH actually just mentioned she would step up and plan it if I needed her too so may do this now haha

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Its actually not at my house. My mom rented a place for it but i put her information on the RSVP and she told me to put mine and now I feel super weird haha.

View Quoted Comment This, set up a separate email or something that you can manage, but won’t necessarily be people emailing you direct. Or can you put your moh as the rsvp even though you send them out?

I disagree with some pp. I would have no issue with the bride hosting her own shower. I would hope that you would have help with the shower activities like the games and such. Also help throughout the shower so you arent 100% doing everything yourself. Sometimes we have to do things ourselves if we want it done. My aunt "hosted" my baby shower and she ended up not doing anything at all other than paying for the food. I did everything myself but had help with someone else doing the baby shower games. I dont think its tacky. Everyone should just be happy to celebrate with you especially since they cant all come to the wedding.

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Yeah My matron of honor after talking with her about mom being washy has stepped up and will handle RSVPs for me, thank goodness!

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I appreciate the opposite side of this and seeing there are two sides to it. Thank you!

I mean, since you are having a DW and the shower seems to be more of your mom and her friend's giving you a shower, them not being invited to the wedding isn't entirely tacky in my opinion. It would be similar to a church throwing you one I guess. And I offered to handle invites and similar crafty tasks because I'm a designer so I love doing that kind of stuff, but still put my MOH as the RSVP. Would you be able to put your mom as the RSVP since it's mainly her friends?

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I asked my mom if I could and she said to put myself. Probably because shes terrible at answering her phone and planning in general... I felt bad having the RSVP be my MOH because she doesn't know like any of these random people but after speaking with her we decided to do an email RSVP that way her phone doesn't get blown up with strangers and so strangers don't have her number. lol

My mom is throwing mine in order to keep things drama free lol.

Yes, it is extremely tacky for you to help throw a party for yourself to get gifts, or honoring yourself. . . It is not, and never has been a duty of the MOH to throw a shower. Because MOH are often chosen from the bride's very closest friends, they often are most likely to want to be a part of giving one, provided they live within an hour or so of the location, and MOH feels she has time and money to do it. But a shower is a minor party of the wedding, not one most people travel far for . And MOH has not volunteered . In fact, any friend, in the bridal party or not, who is invited to the wedding, may volunteer to help throw a party ( shower or bachelorette) , as may your aunts or sisters or cousins who are invited. They would invite guests who are invited to the wedding . Not you. Stay out of it . . . When a whole group of people who all know they are not invited to the wedding, like co-workers, choir, sports group, old neighbors or family friends, decide themselves with no assistance from those who are involved with the wedding, like mom, to have a separate shower, they may properly do it. Usually smaller token dollar amounts to buy one gift, or very low priced gifts . I had 3 of these. One everyone made a quilt together. One, old hometown neighbors and such spent a Max of $5 each on items for cooking, like a spice, or 3 combined for a 2 pound bag of nut. And a children's group spent $1.50 each of their earnings. This is a time honored tradition . But it is terribly bad manners for anyone who is part of the wedding attendees , like mom, or any bridal party, to take any part at all in organizing or hosting a group of people not invited to the wedding . For your mom and you to do it would be talked about, for years, as an example of what one should never ever do . . So don't. Destination wedding or not, it looks greedy for you to actually organize this , or for your mom. If they all decided they wanted to do it, they would organize the party themselves. For you to set it up, or mom, NO . Never people going organizing a party for people not invited to come give gifts. And those invited not mixed with those not, as you would mix close people giving big gifts with those not invited giving very small ones, not nice.

View Quoted Comment While I appreciate your view on this my MOH DID in fact offer to throw it but then my mom wanted to do it. The only reason I was involved is because my mom wanted me to be the point of contact for RSVP because she is terrible with communication. This is what my post was about because I felt that was tacky. My MOH has already taken this over. And yes I know it's not her duty. I'm very aware there are no duties it's an honor. I never once asked for a shower this was all brought up to me. And my parents friends have invited themselves to the shower without influence of anyone they just didnt want to host a shower. They asked if we were having one and if we could extend an invite.