We're here to help you keep moving forward, no matter what your plans are.

Meghan
Beginner December 2021

Bridal shower dilemma

Meghan, on February 23, 2020 at 3:14 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 17
Saved Save
Reply

I'm literally caught in the middle as to whether or not I should have a bridal shower or not. My initial thought was no seeing as 1) my fiance and I already live together and 2) the thought of all of these people staring at me while I open gifts just makes me cringe. The few ladies I've spoken with on my side of the family find it silly to have one since we already live together and it may come across as if we are just looking for gifts. My fiance and his side of the family are saying no you really should have one. Now I'm wondering if I don't have one will I regret it? Anyone been in this situation before, any advice? Also, any advice on how to break it to those who are against it, one of those people being my mom, since she would normally have a say in throwing it? Thanks in advance!

17 Comments

  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen Online ·
    • Flag

    Why not do a bridal luncheon? No gifts just good times with your ladies. That is my plan.

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I think even if you had a bridal shower that’s not a bad thing! Some people have themed bridal showers where people bring the bride lingerie
    • Reply
  • Kellyann
    Dedicated July 2020
    Kellyann ·
    • Flag
    I'm not doing that or a bachelorette deal. Us and our wedding party will go see a comedy show, with dinner before, the night before the wedding
    • Reply
  • Neeva
    Rockstar September 2020
    Neeva ·
    • Flag

    I'm also in the same boat as you- don't need physical gifts and hate when people watch me open gifts lol. I also make the wrong faces or just say/do awkward things. It's the worst.

    I am 100% not having a bridal shower and super happy about it. It's not really something I feel I'm missing out on. I was most excited for the bachelorette and for the wedding anyways.

    • Reply
  • Tara
    Savvy June 2021
    Tara ·
    • Flag
    I personally think bridal/baby showers are the most torturous things in the world to sit through. Watching someone open gifts and those games are the most boring things in the world. FH and I will have been living together for 3 years when our wedding date rolls around so we don’t really need much. With that being said, my sister (who is also my MOH) insists on throwing me one.


    I compromised with her and I requested that any gifts be wrapped in clear wrapping so I don’t have to open any gifts at the shower. As for registering for gifts, I plan on registering for new bath towels, maybe some small kitchen appliances that could use an upgrade and possibly some bedding.
    • Reply
  • Kara
    Dedicated September 2020
    Kara ·
    • Flag
    We’re kind of the same. And I find bridal showers horrendously boring as PP have said. No one needs to waste their day staring at me open gifts.


    With that being said, our families are insisting on one in the name of tradition. We have a nice house with a pool so I compromised by saying at the most I’d agree to a co Ed pool party. Very chill, bring a gift or don’t, alcohol and food provided, celebratory kind of event . 🤷🏻‍♀️
    • Reply
  • J
    Expert May 2021
    Jaime ·
    • Flag

    I really didn't want a bridal shower either. I'm well established and just merged households with my well-established FH. I sold a house and live in his (ours, now). I'm also not keen on being the center of attention. My MOH really wanted to throw something so she came up with a Recipe shower where people bring in a recipe they want to share with me and NO gifts. If people feel the need to give something they can donate to a charity we choose. I think it will read as a fun get together with yummy food and friends which I am ok with.

    • Reply
  • M
    Super January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I didn't have one and don't regret that in the slightest. I was completely satisfied with celebrating with people at my wedding reception.

    It's absolutely fine to decline an offer to throw you a shower. This is totally a case of "you do you"!

    • Reply
  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    IF his family wants you to have one, they can throw you one. if you don't want one, don't accept. They don't get to request that someone else host a shower for you.

    • Reply
  • Taylor
    Beginner June 2020
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    I'm not doing a bridal shower. I already live with my fiance, too, and I really don't want people spending money on us since we already have most everything we need. My mom was upset that we're not having one, but I was just very honest with her about my feelings and she understood.
    • Reply
  • Katharine
    Devoted July 2021
    Katharine ·
    • Flag

    Not planning to have a bridal shower personally. Just a bachelorette dinner & drinks with my BMs and possibly a few other friends the weekend before.

    • Reply
  • Sara
    Dedicated September 2020
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    I have lived with my fiance for 3 years, we don't need anything. So I wasn't going to have a shower. But my aunt's on my dad's side said they wanted to plan me one and my fiance's aunt also wants to plan us one so looks like I'm having 2 showers! But I don't have much on my registry so I am going for more of a social gathering.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    Mothers give showers only when they volunteer. Often they have no say at all, they are guests. And either close friends not in the WP, or BM, or other of Bride's female relatives do it. And sometimes MOG is a guest, and sometimes she helps other hostesses or holds a shower of her own. Also, people don't always have one big shower. Sometimes the hostesses want a small number in a home or free space. Or a budget that comes with home cooking . So there are a couple of showers for different groups. My friends and family were all spread out. In the end I had 3 small ones. None given by Bridal party ( far away) or Mom. My age group friends from school and Army in one area, given by a friend. Another 100 miles north , long term friends and local family, given by 3 cousins. Another 6 hrs drive South, MIL and a great aunt of Groom gave, with their family who did not know me getting together in groups for each gift, and in addition to these 5 gifts, my 3 BM and 2 Army buddies in the NYC area invited too. If you have people other than your Mom who think you should have a shower, and volunteer to give one, say yes. Ask that whoever hostesses are, they keep it small if you don't like being the center of a crowd. It can be just friends invited. It can be just either family. It can be older folks from both families and family friends at one, and friends and family near your age at a different one. With 10-20 guests, present opening goes very quickly. And you have time to talk to every person as you open their gift. Very relaxed and fun. If your mom is not interested, she does not have to be involved. But it is not fair for her to be a wet blanket, smothering other people's attempts to be nice. That, is mean.
    • Reply
  • Heather
    Savvy May 2021
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    I have been with my fiance for 7.5 years. We have lived together for 6 years now.. I am having a bridal shower. It's my first and only marriage. so I want to be celebrated and enjoy spending time with all my friends and family.


    My MOH is planning it with my bridesmaids. And they're doing a camping theme since. Y fiance and I love to camp.
    We registered for some upgrades of what we already have and some camping gear. But in reality, I just am really looking forward to spending the afternoon with everyone.
    • Reply
  • Cassi
    Dedicated May 2021
    Cassi ·
    • Flag
    I would say do it your way. You only get one wedding (hopefully lol) but you want to experience all there is to an engagement. However if you’re really against it for your own reasons, maybe call or something else versus a “shower“. Make it like a gathering or little party. Though you don’t HAVE to have one, a girl’s lunch or coed lunch or dinner would be just as fun I’m sure 🙂
    • Reply
  • Spenser
    Beginner June 2020
    Spenser ·
    • Flag

    I don't plan on having one, and I don't know if anybody expects it of me. One person asked, but it was before the pandemic started. I will just try to avoid it hahaha. Doesn't matter if you are living with our fiance or not, really.

    If you want, you could also just hang out with some of your friends, you don't have to include every woman. My friends did a bachelorette party for one of my friends (I couldn't attend), but what they did was go to a restaurant, had dinner and drinks, a fun cake was involved and they just had a good time. Nothing elaborate at all and they had a lot of fun. They were 5 in total. Like any other hangout with friends, only difference was the small cake the brought to eat.

    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    Mom's don't necessarily have anything to do with throwing a shower. ( Until 10-12 years ago it was practically prohibited , do to the friction some mothers created doing it.). Showers can be one for everyone invited. Or 2 or 3 small ones divided by location of hosts and guests, or by age, your friends and family who are near your age at one, older family, family friends, maybe a coach or choir leader or whoever fits. Or they can be divided mostly family at one. Mostly friends at another. ..... For someone shy about being watched by a crowd, a group of 12-20 who can have a relaxed time, talking with people as they open presents for 30-60 minutes , in a home or very cozy venue, even if it takes two to cover the guests and hostesses, is much easier than one with 30-60 people, where you are opening fast to be done in 1-2.5 hours. With small groups people chat naturally, where with large ones most people need to be quiet to hear and pay attention to the guest of honor. More of a feeling of being on display, stared at, or that people are whispering to each other about you, not everyone openly talking and including you and everyone else. .... Showers are customarily hosted by any close female friend or family, whether in the wedding party or not. BP or mom's are some of the people closest to most brides, so they often are hosts. But anyone close enough to be at your wedding, and who volunteers to put in the effort, may do so. Many weddings, with BM not available to travel 2x, I have given showers as a friend, or a cousin, with an aunt or grandmother, and a friend. Because they can be done in a home or yard or free space, small showers often are seriously cheaper for hosts, because they prepare desserts and coffee or drinks, and purchas inexpensively at grocery or liquor stores may cup prices to 1/3 or less than catered ones. And you can be as formal or informal as the hostesses choose. FMIL and some friends ( and maybe some family other than mom) can do one or two showers, and mom need not attend any. Since the hostesses of showers are basically inviting guests to bring a gift that is a smaller second one, in addition to the wedding gift, the pool of potential guests to s limited to very close people. Girlfriends of FI or your friends, whom you are not super clean see to, are not invited. Parents friends who are not your close friends, are not invited. Family you rarely see, are already likely giving you a major gift for your wedding. That is enough. So you should be on very comfortable terms with most guests. It is what you make of it. Have fun.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles