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Dedicated May 2019

Bridal Party Disappointments......bach Parties

CountryBride, on May 2, 2019 at 3:35 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 7
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Its me again......very stressed countrybride. We are 14 days from our wedding and it seems like non stop disappointments. Heres a little recap...we are still waiting on RSVP's to come back....we sent some late bc we invited more people due to our minimum for venue of 120. We got a lot of declines we were not expecting. My Bridal shower was very stressful leading up to it. 1st my MOH wasn't doing anything (she didn't know she was supposed to do that - she thought his mother was doing it---FIL are paying for the whole wedding) Then MOH involves me in the guest list and tells me minimum of 20 guests...that doesn't even cover FH family. So apparently there was a lot of talk back and forth btw my MOH, FH, BM, and FMIL. A lot of bickering too. Shower went ok with the exception of my mother acting very childish pouting and refusing to partake in the party and left in less than1 hr. My MOH was also so overwhelmed and all over the place. She barely spent anytime sitting and barley spent anytime with me. It was very exhausting to her. Well a little while after the shower I find out that the other BM left a nasty rude VM on my FMIL phone when planning the shower. It was about FMIL inviting guests but offered to pay for all the extra ones she invited. I was really not happy to hear about that and of course she does not know I know this. She was the last of my bridal party I thought I could lean on and get support from but now I don't trust her and am upset about what she did. My other BM is in college so she really doesn't have much involvement...cant blame or be upset with her (she is the daughter of my MOH). Also for the BMs to get there dresses was a difficult task....I gave them free range...just gave them a color but apparently it was very difficult for them.

My dress got altered but was not done right so it is being altered all over again hopefully the right way. Dropped it off last week.

There has been more...lots of family drama.

So now onto the Bach parties. My BM knew what I wanted to do (male revue/magic mike show) and I was hoping she was planning it but apparently she just started. Its planned for the same night as my FH May 11th. The people I really wanted to be there cant come. My MOH isn't coming...didn't really want her to since seeing her at the shower, my boss who has been an amazing support for me cant come, my SIL cant. So I have no idea who is coming. And the BM planning it is the one who left the nasty VM. Its going to be hard to keep it together around her. I know my relationships with my bridal party will be very different after the wedding.

My FH Bach party planning is not going as well either. A friend volunteered to organize it but then dropped the ball. My FH is going today to the strip club to put a deposit down on a VIP room for his OWN bach party. He is not happy either. But I did tell him that if anything gets messed up at the place he wants to go he has a lot more options to pick from than me. There are many more gentlemen's clubs than male revue/magic mike shows...and ours you need to get tickets or reservations. I just really don't want to miss out on what I wanted bc my BM aren't very organized. I am at the point to tell them where we are going, buy my own ticket and be done.

Again so past my breaking point. Everything is a disappointment and sooooooooo stressful. I cant wait til its all over and we are married. I am not looking forward to the wedding day. I am looking forward to the DAY AFTER!!!!!! That is really sad and upsetting.

Needed to vent....UGH sorry


Latest activity by Mcskipper, on May 2, 2019 at 6:25 PM
  • Mandy
    VIP May 2019
    Mandy ·
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    I feel you. My bridal shower was a flop. I invited 40 people and only 4 showed up. There really weren't enough to play the games one of my bridesmaids had planned. My matron of honor (sister) hadn't done anything to help. It was embarrassing that no one showed up "for me". I didn't care about the gifts, but just for people to come. A decent amount of money was spent for the invites, decor, food, games, etc and it lasted about 45 minutes before it was all over, gifts opened, and we were cleaning up.

    My bachelorette party is supposed to be this Saturday. I've said all along I wanted simple, like dinner, bowling, then go back to a hotel room to just chill out, drink, chat, etc. Well, nothing has been planned. At all. I tried to book the bowling place, it's fully booked. Looked at another thing to do - booked. I'm so let down and over it at this point I really don't want to do anything in one way. Another idea was tossed out this morning - it's not really something I want to do, but it's something to do I guess. I just said I didn't care. Again, my sister hasn't done anything to help with anything. I invited about 8 girls, knowing a few wouldn't be able to come - one is available..but now, there's nothing planned. I'm so let down by not only my sister, but my guests in a way too.

    16 more days and I'm putting all of this behind me!

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  • CountryBride
    Dedicated May 2019
    CountryBride ·
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    WOW I'm so sorry to hear your disappointments as well. It really brings you down and sucks the excitement out of everything. Everyone keeps telling me its all about the bride but nothing I want is happening or there is a fight for it to happen. I just want it to be over. I f I could go back in time I wouldn't have planned a big reg wedding....and/or I wouldn't ask the BM I have currently to be a part of it. But we cant go back in time.

    I wish you good luck and smooth sailing hopefully from here on out til your wedding. Us brides need to stick together and support each other......don't have many people in our lives to do so.

    • Reply
  • Dedicated March 2021
    • Flag

    Wow..that is one heck of a story. I would say, keep your expectations low to make it less stressful....but everyone takes it differently. I was so ecstatic when wedding planning first started a couple months after our engagement. Originally my parents we're suppose to help us pay for our wedding next year, but financial crisis and now we're doing it on our own. We're financially struggling right now..I definitely have to say it's overwhelming for me. Our budget has gone down quite a lot compared to what it was set at previously, but it's all okay. I'm having my FMIL create our invitations, save the dates, and silk floral arrangements to save money. As of right now, I don't exactly have anyone to choose from for my wedding party..maybe my SIL and one of my best friends' from high school (we haven't been talking much since I moved away though). Let's just say I'm not exactly close with anyone except a couple family members and my fiance, we're also planning to do a co-ed bachelor/bachelorette party to celebrate when time gets closer. In all honesty, I don't even know what to do anymore. Smiley amazing It may happen the way we both want it, it may not.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    It sounds like your expectations of your bridal party are incredibly high. I can see why it would be easy to be disappointed.

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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    Agree with this. OP, sorry you have had some disappointments, but some of the things you mentioned are not what is expected. For instance, anyone can plan the shower if they want to and it is not the MOH's job to do so. Often times it ends up being the MOH because they are usually your closest friend and want to do it, but that doesn't mean they are obligated to do it. Some people hate planning parties or don't have the time or resources to do it. Also, it is expected for the bride to provide the guest list so she was not wrong to ask you to do this, and it is expected that there be a limit because the person hosting must pay for each of these people and that can be quite expensive. Showers are supposed to be on the smaller side for this reason - the guests should only be your nearest and dearest, not every female on the wedding guest list. If your FH's family wanted to be included in a shower then they could have planned one just for that side of the family. That is pretty common. Also, bridal parties don't need to be involved in anything. Some do because they want to and they have the time, but it is not required and shouldn't be expected. As for the bachelorette party, again, anyone can plan this and sometimes the bride's input is taken into consideration but usually what ultimately happens is based on everyone's budget. If the bride requests an event that is more expensive than her group's budget then she is responsible for paying for herself so as not to increase the burden on her friends. I think if you readjust your expectations you will not have so much disappointment.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    It was unfair and very rude of you to force your MOH to throw you a shower - no one is required to do that for you. Also, it is very normal for the host to give a limit on guest count -it was rude of you to disrespect her wishes and invite more people. No wonder she was stressed and overwhelmed at the shower.

    Same with your bachelorette. You get one if someone offers and you can have input if asked but shouldn't be planning it. People don't have to attend any pre-wedding events, although it's nice if they do after someone offers to have it for you.

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    Sorry you’re stressed , but I too am confused why you are upset with your moh? It sounds like she hosted a larger party than she wanted with a lot of stress in the planning stages, so it’s not surprising she was overwhelmed and all over the place while hosting — I’m not sure why you’re faulting her this. Hosting is overwhelming, I host a lot and actively enjoy it but STILL i feel I rarely get to spend a lot of quality time with guests as I’m busy sweating all the details. Kind of the nature of the beast. Being open, understanding and forgiving will go a long way here, carrying unnecessary tensions are only going to compound your stress. At the end of the day all these things are optional parties, and it’s important not to lose sight of that. There will be disappointments along the way but the best way to deal with them is to reset expectations and not dwell on everything that doesn’t turn out how you had hoped. Remember your friendships and why you chose these women to stand by you (pro tip: if it was to throw the parties there’s an issue). It doesn’t sound like anyone has done anything intentionally malicious, but simply aren’t delivering what you had hoped. But it’s rare that everything turns out how we’ve fantasized and it’s important to focus on appreciating what they have and can do. Sometimes “the best they can” might not align with “what I want” but it’s imperative to remind ourselves it may truly be the best they can.
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