So... I want to tell this story to see if anyone is on the same boat and to get an outside perspective. I'll attempt to write this in as few words as possible, but it's long.
It's been really difficult to process this with the people in my life, namely my family, because they're so overly optimistic that they can't empathize with what I am telling them. It's like the don't want to believe it because they care about this friend I have/had.
My life-long best friend ghosted me after the wedding. It's been about a year and a half now and we've seen each other twice, both times I was the one who initiated it. She has not initiated any communication post-wedding.
There was some things leading up to the wedding that had our friendship on the rocks, a bit...
Namely, she felt that she didn't really know my now-husband, and had negative feelings about that. This was caused by us living over an hour apart from each other and her not coming to my side of town often, since she did not like to drive on highways.
I tried to involve her when my husband and I were dating as much as I could, but I was literally working 50+ hours a week and barely had gas money to get to work (let alone travel), and she knew that. She was one of the first to know any of my major life events, though. I let her know personally when I was thinking about dating my now-husband, when we officially started dating, and when we got engaged.
Leading up to the wedding and during the wedding, some things happened.
But first, some background: I had a MAID of honor and a MATRON of honor for my wedding. The matron of honor is married to my husbands best man, so we thought since he didn't have a second best man, they would walk down together, and my Matron of honor would stand directly next to me, and have my maid of honor (who this story is about) stand next to her.
I made the incorrect assumption (which i totally realize was wrong on my part) that it didn't matter which of those 2 stood next to me, since they both had equal "duties" and both had speeches, and that my Matron would stand next to me simply out of the practicality of walking down with her husband.
The night before the wedding, my side of the wedding party was sleeping at our apartment. She then started getting very emotional about not standing next to me and how she was so upset about it, and that her mom was going to freak out about it, ect... I was was already so overwhelmed and literally was running off of 2 hours of sleep I didn't know what to do.
I asked her to come into my room so we could talk privately. I told her (through my tears of being overwhelmed) that I was so so very sorry for assuming that this would be fine with her, and that I didn't communicate this properly before the wedding. But the reality is that I do not have the mental and emotional capacity to deal with this right now, and am not able to do something to make her feel better, nor worry about how her mom is going to react the next day. She said she was sorry as well, and that it's totally ok and that tomorrow is going to be all about me.
Spoiler alert... she lied.
The next day, during our wedding, she told my matron of honor she didn't even want to be there, and had a horrible attitude the whole day.
After the wedding, I was so angry and hurt, but I tried to reach out to her anyway, because I knew it'd be more painful if I lost her, since she was literally like a sister to me.
We finally got together, and I knew that she still hadn't forgiven me. I brought up the wedding while we were hanging out, and I asked her if everything was ok. She said she was over it (I could tell she was lying) and wouldn't give any details to what "it" was. I proceeded to apologize anyway.
After that hangout, she continued to not communicate.
I initiated a second hangout, and I thought things were going better, but still - nothing.
And now, she's engaged to someone I haven't even met. She never told me when they started dating. She never told me when they got engaged, I found out through facebook...
This type of stuff is way worse than anything I ever did to her.
Do I keep reaching out to her, or do I just give up on this friendship?
I am so scared about how she's going to handle her engagement because of what has happened, and I'm scared to be hurt even more, even though I know it's likely...
