It's probably about time I posted my BAM haha (just a little late to the game!)
I married the love of my life on August 22, 2020, and between Covid, family being trapped overseas, and a bridesmaid who was with someone who tested positive two days before the wedding, pretty much everything was as crazy as it gets. Yet, despite it all, it was a great day.
Anyone who has read my posts before knows that I absolutely hated the planning process, so I won't write much about that. Instead I'll focus on the week of the wedding and share some nuggets of advice that maybe others will find helpful.
Budget: $20,000 (Average cost of a wedding in my area: $34,503)
Venue: Black Ankle Vineyards ($5,500)
Caterer: T-Cuisine ($54/pp including table settings - alcohol not included. Total $4,752)
Photographer: Frozen in Time Photography ($3,816 including engagement shoot)
Wine: Black Ankle Wine (Paid per bottle, $2,280 including tax and gratuity. Was a lot more than expected)
Dress: Raelyn by Maggie Sottero ($1,172+$240 for alterations)
Suit: Hugo Boss
DJ: $950
Bouquets/Boutonnieres: Sola Wood Flowers from My Dinosaur Dreams on Etsy ($731)
Decorations/Flowers: $825
Videography/Live Stream: $700
We did go over budget, but from the beginning, after getting quotes from dozens of vendors and venues, it became apparent that that was inevitable.
There are quite a few things that I would do differently if I could do it again. I loved my photographer, but was disappointed with the second shooter she chose. I wouldn't have bothered with a videographer, as the video we got back was highly unsatisfying and we couldn't afford a professional. (They ended up being worth if for the livestream, which they threw in for free. Problem is that they made the live-stream their main focus and slacked off with the professional footage). The DJ messed quite a few things up, so was a poor hiring choice on my part. The caterer was amazing, especially considering the fact that the other quotes I got from companies were in the $120-210/per person price range, but our wedding was so late (dinner was at 9) that I think it would have been better to serve heavy hourderves instead of a full dinner.
Now for my little nuggets of advice:
1. If you're not someone who daydreams over your wedding and you don't have a solid support network, hire a wedding planner. I am definitely a planner, but I hated wedding planning because I didn't have any helpful/practical support, my family lives halfway across the world, I'm not a fairytale wedding daydream type person (literally never had a thought about my wedding until I had to plan it), and I am very career-focused and active in my hobbies, so having to give up time for those to plan a wedding was painful. From the moment I got engaged, I felt very lonely and overwhelmed, so I should have known right off the bat that a wedding planner was a good idea. However, we definitely did not have it in our budget, so I would have had to sacrifice elsewhere.
2. Find your hype squad. Like I said, I felt very alone throughout the engagement process, and I had a lot of loud voices around me who kept questioning my decisions or making things about them. I also had people that I cared deeply for who seemed rather apathetic about my engagement, and my own family had a hard time processing that I was getting married (I'm the first in the family, it was naturally an adjustment and I don't fault them for it). But because of all of that, I felt very insecure and belittled and unimportant. And here's the thing: no one is going to care about your wedding as much as you do. That's just the fact of it. If someone does, you will probably find them very annoying. BUT that doesn't mean that no one is excited for you. Surround yourself with friends and family who care deeply about you, are genuinely excited about you, and who will have your back. People who pump you up and get you excited. People who fill you with confidence. Build your squad and protect it. (note: these people may not always be your wedding party. My wedding party was very little help/support).
3. Plan, curate, and protect your wedding day. I'm not talking about the wedding, I'm talking about day from the moment you wake up to the moment you are walking down the aisle. I lived with my parents and we hosted a lot of out of town guests/family members the week of the wedding. I gave up my bedroom and moved into my sister's room for the Thursday and Friday. When I woke up on my wedding day, I had to go straight into host mode. I didn't eat breakfast. I didn't drink coffee. I had to get people moving, pack the car, organise the dresses, etc. When we got to the venue I was stressed and I still had to keep people organised. My Maid of honour had started her period and was in horrible pain, people kept coming to me needing things, and it felt like everyone was only thinking about themselves. I was taking care of everyone and no one was taking care of me. If I could do that again, I would have stayed in a hotel the night before my wedding with maybe my mother and my sister, would have delegated people to bring things to the venue so that I didn't have to worry about it, and would have locked the bridal suite so that no one else could decide to wander it. The morning of your wedding will dictate how you feel about your wedding. Protect that space and set yourself up for success.
4. You might crash after your wedding. You've been prepping for months (if not years) for this one day. It has consumed your every thought, it has kept you awake for nights, and it has kept you busy. And then, in the blink of an eye, it is over. Maybe you'll be high off of newlywed bless, but if you're like me you will feel depressed, unfulfilled, disappointed, and maybe even a little angry. This is completely normal. No matter what happens on your wedding day, it is over and done and nothing can change it. Let yourself process this, but actively choose to focus on the good. Whatever you let your thoughts focus on is what you are going to remember 5-10-15 years down the road. If you focus on the good, you will forget the bad and will remember the day as being perfect. Choose to do that.
That's pretty much all I have. Not sure it if was helpful or not. Here are some photos - I hope you enjoy!
