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Just Said Yes October 2012

Bachelorette trip

Private User, on February 15, 2021 at 7:33 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 12

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Needing Advice!
I am helping plan a bachelorette party. There will be 10 of us total invited. The bride is wanting to go to a destination that is a far drive where everyone voted they would rather fly. Problem with this is that most everyone has very young children, under 1, so a weekend away is hard on new moms plus expensive. If we do a destination where we have to fly, not everyone can go or feels comfortable. The bride is only wanting to do something 4+ hours away and does not want to “settle” on her trip. She does not have children yet so doesn’t understand how it is to leave your young babies overnight. We don’t want to hurt her feelings either and want her to feel celebrated. When we have been honest about how going so far makes us feel, she gets upset and doesn’t understand. Advice on how to proceed?

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on February 19, 2021 at 6:35 PM

June 2021
Dj Tanner · on February 15, 2021 at 7:41 PM
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And this is your friend??!
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Expert September 2021
· on February 15, 2021 at 7:43 PM
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Coming from a pretty picky bride herself, I think you are going to have to break it to her that if she wants her friends there, she is going to have to settle. Maybe come up with a few other options that would be closer and more cost conservative and lay it out for her and explain why this is the better option. I'm guilty of sometimes needing to be brought down to earth when it comes to wedding planning and having bridesmaids that aren't in the same life stage as me - maybe just explain to her that you want to make it the best trip but want to make sure everyone can make it work!
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on February 15, 2021 at 8:02 PM
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This bride's expectations are completely unreasonable. She is welcome to travel to far away, expensive destination whenever she likes. But if she wants to have a vacation *with* her friends, she needs to accept the destination and itinerary that her friends can afford.
You said you have tried to explain it to her and she isn't listening. I would try one more time and make sure you are using really clear, direct language. It's not rude to state your boundaries, so even if her feelings get hurt, that doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. Besides, your budget/time constraints have nothing to do with her feelings.
If she refuses to budge, you will have to tell her you can't help with the planning any more and you won't be attending. As uncomfortable as that might make you to say, she can't literally force you to travel somewhere you don't want to. It's then up to her to decide what kind of friend she wants to be.
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on February 15, 2021 at 8:05 PM
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It’s time to have a sit down with her- if she wants all her friends in attendance than she’s going to have to accept the fact that other people’s obligations trump her desires. Sounds like she’s being a bridezilla...
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on February 15, 2021 at 8:20 PM
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Most of the friends have young children, but the bride doesn't. Is she one of the later/last ones in the friend group to get married? Did y'all do destination bachelorettes for the other women when they got married?

I think destination bachelorettes are a big ask, especially when everyone is local. But for some social groups, it's the norm. If she took trips for her friends, and now is expecting the same treatment, then I see her side a bit more. If she's expecting something out of the norm for your group, that's different.
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Expert November 2020
Shirley · on February 15, 2021 at 11:22 PM
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I agree with this.

I also think "prefer to fly" and "have to fly" are WAY different. I do 5 hour drives for weekends to see my grandmother all the time. My parents are 8 hours, so I usually have to take a day to do it. I always drive, never fly.
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Devoted April 2023
Peyton · on February 16, 2021 at 12:08 AM
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Wow. Good luck. The bride sounds like she has lost all perspective. She should want to be with her friends and have a good time. Does she really have to be 5 hours away to accomplish this? Keep us posted.🤞
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on February 16, 2021 at 8:00 AM
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If dhe resfuses to understand then she's not really your friend 😪
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Super May 2019
KYLIE · on February 16, 2021 at 12:33 PM
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I'm thinking the same thing. What did the other girls get for their bachelorettes?
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on February 16, 2021 at 1:05 PM
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Yeah, if she flew to Vegas or the Bahamas for other brides I can see her disappointment. But...it’s hard to make things like this fully reciprocal.
I’m still kind of embarrassed that when one nephew married I was financially stable and bought them the kitchenaide mixer from their registry. When the other one got married a few years later I had had my world tipped upside down and couldn’t even go to their wedding. They don’t hold it against me, and now that things are better I have fun sending nice Christmas gifts to their kids. Things happen!
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Master October 2019
Meghan · on February 16, 2021 at 1:54 PM
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This is tricky. I think sitting her down and explaining that a extended overnight trip far away is just not an option, and give her those reasons. I do however think there is a compromise to be had. What about going somewhere a couple of hours drive and spending 1 night? Those with children can have their spouse or family take care of the child, it will be cheaper, and the bride still gets some of what she wants. Just an idea....
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Master 0000
Judith · on February 19, 2021 at 6:35 PM
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She wants to be selfish, and consider only herself, and have everyone say yes, anything because it is her day. Well, it is not. She wants a mini vacation. You prefer a traditional 1 afternoon or 1 evening locally. No bride with any manners refuses what friends are willing to offer, and demands more. Say no. Motherhood is real. Your actual children come before this spoiled princess. She can plan a getaway with other people at some other time. It does not need to be her bachelorette. She is asking for more for the bachelorette than for the wedding. Tell her no.
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