Maureen
Devoted November 2021

Bachelorette party

Maureen, on April 29, 2021 at 12:30 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 29
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I’ve mentioned this upcoming party before, it’s for my friend who wants a 5-day (!!!) bachelorette party in June. A few things about this trip have rubbed me the wrong way:


1. The MOH has not been communicating what we are responsible for. I understand lodging and food/drinks, and even the plane ticket is on us, but after that, I’m clueless on who pays for what. And to be honest, when I was MOH in the ONE bach trip I have been on, I made it affordable for everyone, because it was a destination trip and I knew people were shelling out money.
2. The bride wants 3 custom shirts bought on Etsy for us to wear, plus a bathingsuit in a color that nobody already has. So there are a bunch of clothes right there we would have to buy and can’t already pull out of our closets to save costs.
3. Only because I asked what else was included in our budgets, the MOH finally told us groceries were on us, and she then asks for a BUNCH of money to decorations that I wasn’t prepared for. And the decor has been bought already. Maybe I’m naive, again, because I’ve only done this one other time, but I paid for decorations for my sisters trip, and my sister paid for groceries as a thank you for the girls flying to Nashville for her bach trip. I was trying to be a good host, while my sister wanted to thank everyone in a way they didn’t have to shell out more money, everyone was super thankful.
4. Every week there’s a new expense, is this normal? I had a tough year with Covid, being laid off and paying for my own wedding, I’m finally picking up to where I was pre-pandemic. I agreed to this trip, but never in my right mind thought it would be north to $1200-$1300.
5. When the MOH asked me for money for decorations, I hit my breaking point. I politely said no I can’t afford it right now, this was never discussed. Nothing had been discussed money wise before this convo, beside the basics. She asked a question, and quite frankly, she didn’t like my answer. And she’s the only person of the group who knows we picked up steam in buying a house and are under contract for one. She’s one of my best friends, I asked her to cut me some slack for a little and I can help in other ways. Nobody twisted her arm in spending SO SO MUCH in decor, that would only be split 4 ways.
6. Back to the custom t-shirts. Does anyone else thinks it’s kind of rude for the bride to make us pay for not 1, but 3 t-shirts, plus a bathingsuit without considering how much we’ve spent on plane tickets, lodging, etc.? I kind of think if a trip is a VERY expensive destination trip, the bride should pitch in. The days of the bride not paying for anything I think are long gone, unless it’s a night out on the town and that’s it.
Basically, budget was never discussed and I’m annoyed.

29 Comments

Latest activity by Melissa, on May 31, 2021 at 5:26 PM
  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    Any matching attire the bride is insisting on should be paid for by her. The budget for any event should be discussed ahead of time to ensure each person paying is comfortable with the cost. If you are not comfortable with this, quite frankly exorbitant cost, decline attending the bachelorette party. You aren't required to attend every pre-wedding event. Literally nothing you have listed is acceptable if the parties haven't agreed to it.
    • Reply
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag

    This is ridiculous! Wow! I am doing a 2 night getaway to our wine region and I feel bad about asking the girls to shell out $300 each (everyone is ok with this, the cost covering accommodation, most meals + wine tours) but holy guacamole, $1200+!

    MOH has poorly executed quite an ambitious plan by not consulting the others and now you are all scratching your heads because no one knows what is happened. Frankly if it were me I would not at all contribute to decorations. I agree with you, you weren’t consulted, and you wouldn’t agree to them anyway (let’s be real, it is totally unnecessary) and the MOH will just have to suck it up and pay for them as a consequence of making this decision without seeking input.

    The Bride needs to wake up and smell the roses. You cannot request bachelorette attendees to pay for essentially costumes just to match while on the bachelorette trip. This is ridiculous and a total waste of money and resources. If she wants you all to have these three tshirts and bathing suits so bad, she can shout you all for them herself.

    • Reply
  • Melanie
    Dedicated June 2019
    Melanie ·
    • Flag
    Girl, what? $1200 is way too much. Honestly, if they really want you to go, they need to pay for most of what you listed themselves. I would strongly consider declining the party. If she’s one of your best friends, she should understand the situation you are in and be ok with your decision.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Expert October 2021
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    Politely back out now. This is an unacceptable amount of money to spend on a bachelorette. This is also just the tip of the iceberg. You are going to be asked to pay for more once you're there and stuck.
    • Reply
  • Dottie
    Savvy May 2021
    Dottie ·
    • Flag
    Whoa?? This makes me appreciate my bridal party that much more!!!



    • Reply
  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
    • Flag

    If I were in your shoes, I would back out of this bachelorette party right now!

    • Reply
  • devotedlydavis
    Devoted March 2022
    devotedlydavis ·
    • Flag
    Wow! That’s a lot to ask of each participant, especially with no upfront notice of the cost. When we did a destination trip for one of my friends, we tabulated the total cost - including flight - and presented it to the girls when we asked if they were in for the trip. The cost didn’t change, even when girls backed out a few of us ate the difference to make it easier on the others that had agreed to go. I think you’re handling it the right way by telling her you won’t pay for the decorations, if y’all didn’t agree to it or know about it then you shouldn’t be expected to pay. And no additional costs should arise that y’all aren’t aware of either.
    • Reply
  • Catherine
    Expert March 2023
    Catherine ·
    • Flag
    Omg!! Do not go! That’s insane. And so rude. The budget should have been discussed WAY before hand. And any “custom” shirts or matching attire needs to be paid for by the bride. I’m thinking about asking for a beach weekend for my bachelorette party that *I* will be paying the lodging for so my bridal party doesn’t have to shell out the money for that! I can’t image asking anyone to spend that much money. That’s ridiculous. And I certainly wouldn’t ask for them to pay for four matching outfits and decorations all by themselves.
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Expert May 2021
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    I am shocked at how self-centered/selfish/entitled a lot of brides are on here about these stupid parties!!!
    I WOULD NOT GO TO THIS ONE!! RUN AWAY!!! and if “friends” demand this from the bridal party, people need to check their reasons for being friends with them. Healthy, solid friendships don’t demand anything. Just because you are now a “bride” doesnt change that 😳😳🙄🙄 i would start rethinking why i am even friends with any of them
    • Reply
  • F
    Beginner June 2023
    Francesca ·
    • Flag
    Wow this is insane! I would NEVER ask or expect any of this from my girls. I even told them we don’t have to do anything but if they insist let’s just go get mani-pedis. I am speechless. I think it’s selfish and wrong for the bride and MOH to expect these things from everyone. Taking a week of, flying, staying in a hotel, the apparel, all of it is just wrong. The big question is what have you already paid for? Did you already buy your plane tickets? If you have that sucks. I don’t know if would just walk away from that loss buuuut it might be worth losing that. I do think the bride should pay for the custom apparel she’s requesting. Nothing like that is reusable for any other day other than her wedding so it’s like throwing money away. I get the feeling this is just going to keep getting more expensive and if it were me I would back out. If you aren’t able to then honestly you need to speak to the bride. I know that not easy but she needs to just be aware of what’s being requested of all of you guys. Good luck but this is a tough one.
    • Reply
  • Fred
    Expert April 2022
    Fred ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    THIS! And I would strongly consider the idea of dropping out of the WP.

    I'm not even kidding.

    • Reply
  • J
    Expert May 2021
    Jaime ·
    • Flag

    I agree with everyone else - RUN! There are plenty of people who don't even get 5 day vacations for their normal lives. I could not even imagine asking any of my bridal party to participate in this nonsense.

    • Reply
  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
    • Flag
    Thank you everyone. I’m strongly considering backing out of this bach trip. I have one other friend who is in the same situation as me and is considering backing out also. You can literally hear her frustration in the group texts when some new expense comes up, “does anyone have an extra bathingsuit in that color?”, “can joe (groom) pitch in as a gesture on this expense?” “Oh this shirt is cheaper the smaller it is? Order me an XS.” “Can I sleep on the air mattress and cut costs that way?”


    We constantly are complaining to each other. She just suddenly had to go to the cardiologist and got slammed with huge medical bills, and being ask for money for decor was her breaking point also. She brought it up to the MOH, she got a “I’m sorry, butt....”. This trip should not dictate you to take literally all of our money and you expect us to be okay with it!
    • Reply
  • Fred
    Expert April 2022
    Fred ·
    • Flag

    You know: I was asked to be a groomsman a few years ago ... but I dropped out of the WP because I didn't like the idea of wearing suspenders! I can't stand them.

    Yes , it's another story but my point is: if you don't like what the bride and/or the groom is/are doing and envisioning: Run, especially when money is an issue.

    • Reply
  • MK
    Expert September 2021
    MK ·
    • Flag

    Okay this is nuts LOL. I consider myself for be very "extra", especially with wedding planning, and this is totally insane. I will say, my bridesmaids paid for all of our lodging, and we did a pole dancing class that they all paid for (my part included). I asked them to wear a specific color one night of the trip, but most of them already had that color, or wanted to buy something new for the trip - it wasn't a requirement. And my girls didn't pay for a single drink or meal the entire trip. I opened every bar tab with my card.

    It's one thing if you all discussed this trip beforehand and were all happy with the plans, this is INSANE. I would strongly suggest at the very minimum voicing your issues with the MOH, or bride, whoever is doing the most of the planning. If they can't give, back out!

    • Reply
  • Ariel
    Savvy June 2021
    Ariel ·
    • Flag
    Wow that is insane!! Honestly the MOH made a HUGE mistake by not being transparent and telling everyone her ideas first and then allowing the rest of the bridal party to either agree or maybe suggest more affordable options. Also that bride is rude making you guys buy 3 shirts and a bathing suit?! I understand wanting the cute matching photos but just be like everyone wear a black shirt and I’ll wear a white one! For my best friends Bach party we all decided we would wear a black going out dress and obviously she would wear white. Super affordable, I happened to have 2 dresses already, and everyone looked great! I would be upfront with the MOH on all these decoration expenses and even talk about these crazy custom shirts. Decor is cute for sure but get it at like the dollar store or Target. There’s no need to spend an insane amount of money.
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert June 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    Oh. my. goodness!! Decor?!?!? Matching custom outfits?!?!?! NONE of that should be on you. That is the responsibility of whoever opts for it - in this case, the host and the bride, respectively. Point blank period.

    In addition to echoing PP's comments, I would just chime in and agree with you: that buying a house is wayyy more important than a bachelorette trip that seems to be causing a lot of stress for the attendees (not just you either!), AND may put a strain on some friendships (plural), AND is gonna cost an exorbitant amount of money). PPs have advised to back out of the bachelorette due to the complete lack of regard for attendee's budgets, the entitlement that the host seems to be conveying, etc. (if I may summarize what I took away from most PPs). And I wholeheartedly agree with them!

    On top of that, you mentioned that you and your FH are under contract for a house - congratulations!!! There are lots of little expenses that seem to pop up when buying and moving into one's own house - even little stuff like air filters, hooks to go on the back of the closet door, new decor because walls are different sizes in a new space, etc. My advice is to prioritize the new house (and, in a larger sense, you and your FH's future) above a bachelorette that many people seem to agree is getting way out of hand, and it's still weeks away. I'm just thinking that you may kick yourself in the not-too-distant future if these unexpected costs pop up....and you just blew north of $1k on a bachelorette party that constantly produced feelings of regret and stress....when you could have put that money towards covering those house costs more comfortably.

    Best of luck!! Please let us know what ends up happening!

    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    This is so excessive. When my husband was best man and planned a bachelor party for his friend, he took into consideration budget and set up everything to be as cost effective and simple as possible. They rented an AirBnB on a lake for a 3-day weekend, did paintball, went to a gaming/arcade center, did a brewery tour, had nice meals out at restaurants, and had craft beer all weekend. My husband probably spent close to $800-1000 out of pocket as best man and asked the guys to pay a set all-inclusive fee for the weekend, which was about $300-$400 per person and included all activities, alcohol, food, lodging, tips, taxes, etc. Some of the guys balked at the cost initially but once they realized they didn't have to pay an additional cent for anything the entire weekend, they all thought it was a great value.

    I would never, in a million years, drop more than a few hundred dollars on a bachelorette. Maybe there will be a point where a girls getaway sounds great and a thousand bucks seams reasonable but I highly doubt it unless I'm friends with everyone going and have a fair say in activities. I would not pay that much money to go to a place I don't like with people I don't know and buy clothes I will never wear again to do things that don't interest me.

    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    Wow!! I think all of that is crazy. Three matching shirts and a swimsuit?? I could see maybe one custom shirt, but certainly not three, and absolutely not a swimsuit. Five nights is also a lot to ask for a bachelorette party - time off work, cost per night, flights, food, etc. And the decorations sound extreme! Is the MOH planning on wallpapering the hotel rooms with gold?? The MOH should have been way more upfront about the total cost, and gotten everyone's budget first before planning anything. If you haven't already invested money into this, I would consider backing out now before more hidden costs come up.
    • Reply
  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
    • Flag
    Wow, all of this advise is so helpful!!! Luckily I have not paid for the Airbnb yet. I did pay for the flight, but I bought insurance on it incase Covid protocols changed, glad I did! Other than that, I’ll eat the cost of the money I spent on one tshirt so far.
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