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Angela
Beginner November 2020

Bachelorette party: moh charging guests $500pp for our gift bags and house decorations?

Angela, on January 26, 2021 at 2:26 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 32
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I’ve been to at least 20+ bachelorettes and I recently had my own so I feel well versed on what to expect... until now. I’m posting this bc I have no clue how to handle this or communicate with the MOH without hurting her feelings.
So we are doing a destination bachelorette party this year, 7 girls total paying for the place. We were told upfront it’ll be about $1kpp for the weekend which is usually correct bc of flights, food, transportation, etc. Well, we are getting closer and finding out that $1k is just the cost she’s asking for the house, gift bags, decorations, bride gift. Our Airbnb is $500pp so the other $500 is going towards our own gift bags which she said will be about $110pp and then the rest is decor for the house. She sent pictures and she’s buying like candle holders and other house decor for a house that’s already stunningly decorated. Then there is balloons, flowers she wants to buy. Then we have to get food/drinks on top of that. She hasn’t shared what she’s spent and on what but we all have to pay for it. A few of the other girls have already talked about bailing bc of costs.

Idk how to deal with this. She’s a super sweet girl and I don’t want to hurt her feelings by trying to reel her back and try to get a feel for the budget.

32 Comments

Latest activity by Katie, on February 1, 2021 at 1:39 PM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Put your foot down and be blunt. Do not charge guests to attend.
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    Think about it this way - if no one says anything, the MOH will think this is fine *and keep spending*.

    Say, "no, this is not the budget we agreed to, none of us can afford more, and you are at risk of having to pay it all yourself."

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  • M
    Super June 2021
    Melanie ·
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    You should definitely speak up. $500 pp for 7 people for the house, $110 pp for gift bags, and a good $300 pp for decorations seems absurd..$2000 on decorations that will likely not be used again. Remind her on the cost you all agreed upon and tell her she has to find something that works within that budget
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  • KYLIE
    Super May 2019
    KYLIE ·
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    If she’s really as sweet as you say, she’s probably just getting carried away! I’d have each girl contact her privately to say the budget is not what they agreed to, and these additional costs are prohibitive to attendance. No need to be confrontational or accusatory, just kind and matter of fact.
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Sometimes people are oblivious. I am fairly middle class, but have had times I’ve struggled financially, so these prices made me gasp. But...if this amount of money for a bachelorette is the norm for her circle, she may really have no clue that people won’t want to spend that much.
    And you don’t have to make it “I can’t afford it.” Lots of people can afford things but they budget their priorities and decide to spend x amount on something and that’s it.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I'd put your foot down. Yes she may seem nice and all but if you don't be blunt you may find the other side of her. She needs a little dose of reality when it comes to money and sticking to a budget. Who knows maybe she thinks she's going to get off without paying a dime. If nobody says anything she will think it's ok to spend everyone else's money like their millionaires. Plus if nobody gets her in check and instead bails out, then your bride will be the one who has to suffer.
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    My advice would be to speak up now or bail! A 'super sweet girl' wouldn't be demanding $500 per person just for house decor and gift bags. That is completely absurd!

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  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
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    Yikes!!! Decor prices are insane. I know people are all different, but when I was MOH for my sister, I split the cost for decor with my SIL, that’s it. I didn’t charge every single girl for decor, because WE were hosting for the girls weekend. I made it very clear people were in charge of their flight, food, the rental and the alcohol.


    I also put together little gift bags (just little hangover gift bags), and no cost to anyone - that was my decision as the MOH. I think it’s weird she is charging you own gift. Why call it a gift then?
    She needs to tone it down, I would never want to be expected to spend that much money for a weekend!!
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  • Jade
    Devoted August 2021
    Jade ·
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    I’m surprised the MOH is asking you to pay for the decorations + gift bags! I’m currently planning my Bachelorette and I was going to buy everyone a gift bag (not the other way around lol)! I also won’t have my MOH ask for others to chip in on decorations either. However, in your situation I’d have a gentle and loving conversation with her regarding this! You said she’s a sweet woman, so maybe she just doesn’t realize how unreasonable this price is for everyone. She of course should be mindful of everyone’s budgets, but I’m guessing budgets weren’t initially discussed before the planning began happening?
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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    If you're paying for your own gift bags, is that really a gift? Lol. And if I'm doing the math correctly, if the rest is going toward decor, she's budgeting almost $3,000 for decor???? (7 x $400 = $2,800). That is INSANE (to me). If you are all splitting the costs, you should all have a say in a pre-determined budget...I would ask her for a detailed budget so you can weigh in and give her guidance on what everyone is comfortable spending by category. She doesn't get to unilaterally make that decision. She might not really have any concept on what she's spending, and maybe seeing it on paper together as a group would be eye-opening.

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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I would just be honest with her. That is a ridiculous amount to spend on decorations or even gifts! Have you talked to any of the other bridesmaids about how they feel regarding the prices?

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  • Natalie
    Devoted January 2022
    Natalie ·
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    3000 for decor is more than I’m spending for my own wedding. That’s insane, to be frank. She needs to first of all, not do that, second of all provide RECEIPTS for ALL SHARED COSTS. YOu say she’s a sweet girl but spending that much on decor and gift bags is so absurd I have to wonder if she’s properly tracking expenses or even pocketing the spare money.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    Yep, this. There is absolutely nothing rude about setting boundaries around your own money. As long as you are polite, you are fine. If her feelings get hurt, that's on her to manage.

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  • Angela
    Beginner November 2020
    Angela ·
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    That’s where I’m at. Just because some may have money to spend on it, doesn’t mean we should. Plus, it puts others in an un
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  • Angela
    Beginner November 2020
    Angela ·
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    Yes, even the ones that can afford it find it ridiculous. I’ve never paid for my own gift bag at a bachelorette party and $110 on a gift bag is wild.
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    It might be beneficial for all of the bridesmaids to nicely approach the MOH and tell her that the cost is a bit much. And like you said, there is no need to buy your own gift! I would ask about possibly skipping that part all together.

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  • Angela
    Beginner November 2020
    Angela ·
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    That’s where I am at. I asked her to put receipts and costs into a format we can all share. I just found out she plans corporate events but has never planned a bachelorette party (not sure she’s attended one before). I feel bad bc us starting to take control and asking questions is making her feel like she’s doing a bad job but I just need to explain that this is not normal for bachelorette parties.
    I have always split costs did decor and food once we get to the house and buy everything, not pay someone a flat fee upfront for them to buy stuff Without having any idea or Input from anyone else on what’s been purchased and at what cost.
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  • Angela
    Beginner November 2020
    Angela ·
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    Update: I spoke to the MOH and it did not go well. Then she told the bride and now I’m in trouble with her. The bride was like “if you can’t afford it, I’ll pay for you”. *eye roll*
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    That's unfortunate. At this point, I would just stick to the overall budget you are comfortable with (you originally said $1k seemed reasonable) and decline any additional activities/favors/costs. They definitely shouldn't be spending other people's money for them, but it seems like that ship has sailed at this point. The good news is that they can't literally force you to pay more money than you want to pay.

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  • Olga
    Just Said Yes August 2021
    Olga ·
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    Yikes, I am so sorry.. this sucks; especially the part of paying for your own bachelorette gift. Seems absolutely ridiculous.

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