Bach Party Issues

You don't know everything about their financial situations, so be gentle. Something could have come up that you don't know about. It's also possible they don't want to share all the details with you or the other bridesmaids.

It's possible that things have come up for them they didn't anticipate. It can be embarrassing for some people, so they may come up with excuses. I know I do it. Also, if money really is an issue, offering to pay for some of the trip might not be enough. It's possible these other trips were paid for in advance or by someone else. They're your friends, so they want to be there for you. I think you should accept what they're saying and tell them you'll miss them.

I agree with Kelly. Money is a tough topic, and not everyone is good at managing it. Personally, (and it's easier said than done) I'd recommend focusing on having a great time with those who can join you! Overthinking about this is only going to create friction in your relationships. It's too hard to know why they can't do it, but I'm sure they'd really appreciate you respecting that they can't go. A simple "I'm going to miss you!" and proceeding to have a great time with your other friends will keep the stress minimal for you. Money is so tricky and reading into their spending habits ends well for no one. I hope you have a great time with your other friends!!

As far as the gifts, I'd still give them to them, but maybe afterwards? That way the gifts are still a surprise for those attending. I'm sure you'll have a great time!

Maybe also they disliked the plans for the party. The planned activity and destination may be too much additional tasks leading to your wedding. It was nice that other bridesmaids offered to help, but that might not be enough incentive.

It sounds like maybe they just decided going wasn't best for them. Whether that means they don't want to go, are too tired, emotionally spent, etc. It may be about the money, or it may be simply they don't want to go and there isn't much you can do to negate that unfortunately.

I am doing a destination (albeit, relatively inexpensive) destination bach and I gave the girls 1 year of notice...to save $350...LOL. It sounds like you did something similar - so while incredibly frustrating because you gave a big heads up, I would let it go.

Doing a destination bachelorette you have to accept that some people simply may not feel like going! And that doesn't mean they love you any less, or are any less of a friend.

Edit: for a friends bach last year, we went out of the city so I guess it was a destination? And one of the girls she invited did what your friend did- said it was about money so I offered to pay for her flight. She still declined and said, "I'm sorry, I just don't really want to go." so consider your friends may not feel comfortable telling you the real reason because they don't want to hurt you. Happens a lot!

Unless you are in a position to pay for everyone's costs, you are not in a position to judge your friends for not being able to make the trip for monetary reasons, regardless of whether they "had time to save" or have chosen to attend vacations recently.

People are entitled to spend their hard earned cash how and when they want to, and even if some of your invitees originally said they would be able to come, that does not mean that subsequently their circumstances haven't changed rendering them unable to go through with it.

The only thing that should be done now is to kindly acknowledge that they are unable to make it and move on.

Your wedding party aren't obligated to go on trips to celebrate your upcoming wedding. They had other priorities, it seems. You don't get to determine what is important enough for them to spend money on.

Destination bachelorettes are problematic in this way, because you're asking them to spend time and money on something you want to do.

Maybe see if they want to get together as a group for dinner or lunch or something.

This is something similar I'm going through with my MOH. It seems as though the rest of my bridesmaids are more involved with planning and ideas than she is. She hasn't attended one single event like picking out my wedding dress, or accessory shopping, helping with bridal shower, decorations etc. She's already her limits with my bach party. I don't expect anything from these girls, but when i asked her to be my maid of honor she knew what she was signing up for. For her wedding I did everything, even with 3 months notice til the date! But money is a really touchy subject for people. Im laying back and if they want to do stuff for me then they will. If not, then they won't.

I think the ladies and gentlemen above are talking a lot of sense here.

Whilst this must be very disappointing and frustrating for you, unless you are willing to cover the cost of people attending your bachelorette party/hen do you do have to accept that people may not be able to come or may have to back out last minute.

Equally, if the ladies aren't accepting help with money it may be that there are other things going on that are making them feel uncomfortable about coming. It could be mental/physical health issues, pregnancy, fertility treatment, recent miscarriage that you don't know about it, it could be family or relationship problems, it could be that their work won't let them take the time off.

Of course, in an ideal world people would have told you in advance that they can't come. I get that, this must be very difficult for you emotionally to have people dropping out last minute.

But it happens and be prepared because it will probably happen at your wedding too. We had 4 people drop out 24 hours before the wedding... and also about 6 turn up who never RSVPed lol

When she agreed to be MOH, she agreed to buy a dress and stand with you during the ceremony. That's all. A position in a wedding party is a chance for you to honour them, not the other way around. Your wedding is months away, maybe consider lowering your expectations in order to preserve your friendship. I like your idea of laying back and then people can do what they are capable of doing at this time.