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Amanda
Savvy November 2021

Are you losing your middle name? Keeping your maiden? Not changing your name at all?

Amanda, on September 1, 2021 at 12:11 AM Posted in Married Life 0 25
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Per Filipino 'tradition,' my mother made my middle name her maiden name, then gave me my father's last name. After doing all this marriage license crap, I realized I'm gonna have to 'pick a name' and I'm finding it difficult to drop my middle name and/or my last name because they're both pieces of the people who brought me into this world.. but I also don't want to have a long, ass freakin' name by keeping it all and adding my fiance's last name.

I can either lose my original middle name and make my father's last name my new middle name, then take my fiance's new name, I can keep my original middle name, lose my father's last name, and take my fiance's last name.. or I can just keep my name the way it is an add my fiancés last name to the very end of it. Maybe I should just lose my maiden and original last name all together? Ultimately, I'm taking my fiance's name regardless. Just not sure what to do about my middle name and maiden names.

What do you guys plan to do or what did you do as far as name changing went?

25 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on September 3, 2021 at 4:02 PM
  • Lisa
    Super October 2021
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    It’s a very personal decision. Maybe add your last name to your middle name and make your fiancé’s last name your last name? That way you aren’t losing anything and most people don’t use their middle name daily so you wouldn’t have to use such a long name for every day things.


    I am personally taking my fiancé’s last name and dropping my maiden last name. Even though sometimes it bums me out I’m losing a very unique last name for a more common last name, it is something I 100% want to do.
    Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Savvy November 2021
    Amanda ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I was wanting to keep my middle name because it's my mother's maiden name.. not to mention all my siblings middle names are the same (that darn Filipino tradition!)

    I am wanting to take my FH's last name, for sure. I don't want to hyphen, because I'll be darned if I have to write both names out every single time I sign or fill out an application. Maybe I'll just keep my middle and maiden names and use my FH's last name. Then I run into the issue of.. which middle name do I use when I'm filling out a form? It's so confusing. Bah!

    • Reply
  • Rosie
    Master February 2022
    Rosie ·
    • Flag

    I am changing my last name, keeping my middle name. My parents chose my first and middle names together, so I know I'll be taking a piece of them into my new name anyway.

    It is a very personal choice though, and there are lots of ways you could choose to approach it.

    I suppose one option might be to do what I considered doing for my last name and my fiance's:

    Could you smoosh your current last and middle names together?

    ie, if your name was Amanda Baker Portman, you could become Amanda Bakeman Fiance's last name. Or whatever.

    Another option would be to pick whichever name would flow best with your fiance's last name.

    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    I kept my name, and didn't add DH's at all.

    Try out a variety of the combinations, and see which one you like most.

    It's a super personal decision.

    • Reply
  • Rebelle Fleur
    Master July 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
    • Flag
    I’m just hyphenating my last name.
    • Reply
  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2022
    Cece ·
    • Flag
    I gave this choice a lot of thought as well. In the end, I realized I didn’t want to change my name and was only thinking about doing it because it was customary and I didn’t want to disappoint FH. My current name reflects who I am and changing it feels like abandoning my familial roots. Plus, I don’t want to be called Mrs. (insert fiancé’s last name)… that’s FH’s mother, and that just feels weird LOL
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag

    I got rid of my maiden name and took my husbands last name!

    • Reply
  • Allison
    Devoted May 2022
    Allison ·
    • Flag

    I'm having the same dilemma as well! I for sure want to take my FH's last name, but I don't know which of the 3 options I want to do.

    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    I am keeping my name and not taking my fiance's name! Just a personal decision. There is no wrong answer, choose whichever name (or combination of names) that you want!
    • Reply
  • Brooke
    Savvy January 2022
    Brooke ·
    • Flag

    I'm dropping my middle name, making my current last name my middle name and taking my fiancé's last name. I'm not attached to my middle name at all, and my last name is more sentimental to me so I'm just going to make it my middle. Yours sounds like a tougher decision, but I do know a few close friends who have kept all of their names and they just don't use them all in daily use/account names and things like that. Obviously legal documents, yes, but otherwise they just use their first and new last.

    • Reply
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    I opted to not change my name at all

    • Reply
  • Alisha
    Super April 2021
    Alisha ·
    • Flag
    I hyphenated my name bc I love my name and I did not want to drop my last name.
    • Reply
  • Milada
    Super October 2021
    Milada ·
    • Flag

    I've decided to keep my middle name (its a variation of my grandmother's name), drop my last name completely, and take my FH's last name. This is only because I'm not close with my father and want to lose his name. Otherwise, I would've done what the women in my family usually do, which is make my maiden name my new middle name and change my last name to my FH's.

    It is definitely a personal choice.

    • Reply
  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
    • Flag

    I never understood the attachment women have to their maiden names.

    My first and middle names are the names my parents lovingly and thoughtfully chose for me. These are the names they wanted to call me by, and that they wanted the world to call me by. Those are the names that are special to me, because they selected them for me and me alone.

    My maiden name is not special. My dad didn't choose to have it. It doesn't represent us, or our ideals, or even something we like - it's just a legal identifier.

    I took my husband's last name because it symbolized our lives uniting. Honestly, we've discussed this at length - if we could go back knowing what we do now, we would choose an entirely new surname together.

    • Reply
  • Alyssa
    Super December 2021
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag

    You can have two middle names, Or two last names.

    To quote the guy in Friends talking to Phoebe when she's confused, "whatever you want it to be" before she gets wide eyed and decides, "this could take a while!" and decides on Princess Consuela Bananahammock Smiley laugh

    • Reply
  • Julee
    Savvy September 2023
    Julee ·
    • Flag
    I am in a very similar situation (Khmer) and my middle and last name are very important to me I am willing to lose my first name 😆 (it’s been changed when I was younger anyways to be more American so I feel like it’s not me already) I have been having the same battle in my heart. When it comes down to it I’m lucky my middle and last name are short so I am going to just add his name to the end. You can maybe do a combined mindless name of your parents and have your fiancé’s name/future husbands name be your last. I know many people with 2 middle names. Good luck with the decision it’s tough for sure 💚
    • Reply
  • Ingrid
    Dedicated September 2022
    Ingrid ·
    • Flag

    I feel you. I have both my mother and father's last name which are both super long. I will be taking my FH last name, but a part of me does not want to lose that- but I am also looking forward to not running out of space when spelling my name Smiley xd

    • Reply
  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
    • Flag

    I am taking my fiance's last name and ditching my last name

    • Reply
  • Ansley
    Savvy June 2022
    Ansley ·
    • Flag
    My middle name comes from my nana who passed away a couple of months before I was born so I am keeping my middle name but dropping my maiden name and going with my fiances name instead. My middle name will always be special as it has more meaning to me than my last name.
    • Reply
  • Yessenia
    Savvy November 2021
    Yessenia ·
    • Flag
    I'm Mexican, I don't have a middle name, but I do have two last names (father-mother maiden). So on any legal documentation in the United States, it's just hyphenated. Traditionally, I would be expected to drop only my father's last name and replace it with my husband's (husband-mother maiden). But I'm dropping both and just changing to my husband's last name, because my signature will be SO much shorter finally 🤣😅. Funny though, because our 3 kids have a first name, middle name, and two last names (husband-my fathers/my first last name) 🤷‍♀️🤣.
    • Reply

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