Herissa
Just Said Yes July 2020

Am I Wrong?

Herissa, on June 11, 2021 at 12:18 AM Posted in Married Life 0 12
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I just want to know if I’m wrong for being mad.
So our anniversary is coming up and my parents call my husband to invite us to dinner right? He said okay he’s going to go talk to me and get back to them. He didn’t tell me anything but that he doesn’t want to have dinner with them. When I asked him why he said that he just don’t want to. My thing is I always say yes to hanging out with his family but when it comes to mine it’s always a different story. Am I wrong for taking it personal?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on June 12, 2021 at 1:05 PM
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag

    Has your husband always been uneasy about seeing your family?

    I come from a very tight knit family (we are always up in each other's faces) but my FH grew up in a small town with only his immediate family, so despite being with me for 6+ years now, he still is a fish out of water at my family events and doesn't like doing things with them too often because he finds it very overwhelming.

    I'm just trying to wonder, if there some backstory that would explain your husband's apprehension.

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  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
    • Flag
    Did they invite you to dinner for your anniversary? If so, I’m guessing your husband would rather spend it with you in a more romantic setting vs a family dinner.
    • Reply
  • Herissa
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    Herissa ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    The invite is actually 2 days before the anniversary because we’re planning on traveling for our anniversary.
    • Reply
  • Herissa
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    Herissa ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    It has not always been like that. He also has no reason’s as to why he doesn’t want to go.
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
    • Flag
    How often do you spend time with your family vs his family? How frequently does he say he doesn’t want to go?
    • Reply
  • SHY
    Master January 2022
    SHY ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    This is pretty much what I was going to ask as well. Is he always rejecting spending time with your family, or is it just this instance that makes you feel that way?

    Some people's family dynamics are different from ours, so while you don't see an anniversary dinner with parents as an issue, he may feel differently. I notice you had mentioned that they want to take you to dinner 2 days before your anniversary, so honestly I think your husband just wants to spend this one alone with you, especially if it's a first anniversary which is really special.

    If the issue is that his family is prioritized over yours, then simply tell him that you feel that way. He may not even realize that you think that, and open communication is so important so that you both are on the same page.

    • Reply
  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
    • Flag

    In addition to frequency that you see them, what do you guys do when you see his family vs yours? This is a great time to talk about expectations regarding when and how often you want to spend time with family on both sides. Some families are closer than others so it doesn't have to look completely even on both sides.

    For example, my in-laws live 10 minutes away and my fiancé sees them more than he sees me some weeks when he's at their house working on his racecar. During the summer we see them at least every Friday, often Saturday too, and will sometimes also spend Sunday boating with them. To me that's more than enough time with them, compared to seeing my family, who are 45 minutes away, maybe once or twice a month, if that. My fiancé told me he wanted to spend more time with his parents and explained that we don't normally do the same family dinners or just together time like we do with my family, which is understandable.

    That's just my long winded way of saying, maybe he feels like you see your family quite often while it's less than what you would prefer. Or you're doing different things with each so the experiences aren't really comparing apples to apples. Either way, try to talk it out sooner rather than later at a time when you guys aren't upset.

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  • Courtney
    Expert September 2022
    Courtney ·
    • Flag

    Like PPs have said, we need more background.

    My FH loves my family, but sometimes he just doesn't want to hang around with them. Has your husband been working a lot? Or maybe he wants to take the last few days before you guys go on a trip to pack and get your home ready.

    I know if we were getting ready to go on a trip and my FH's family invited me out for dinner I might say I'd prefer not to in order to get my house cleaned up and finish getting everything ready so there's nothing to worry about while we're gone.

    I think you're taking it a little too personally when you should be communicating to your husband and figuring out what his thinking is without being aggressive about it.

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  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
    • Flag
    Now that I know it doesn’t interfere with your anniversary plans as a couple, I agree with others in finding out his reasons for not wanting to go and coming up with a general consensus about family time. When do you expect him to go to family events with you? (Holidays, celebratory dinner invites, etc.). When are you happy going to these things on your own? (Random hangouts, dinners that are not celebrating anything in particular, etc.). In our relationship, we’ve had some give and take on these things. Example, I usually go to my parents house on Sunday mornings because my brother and nieces hang out there while his wife studies. This is something I don’t expect my husband to do with me, and I am more than happy to go without him. We were also invited to my mom’s house to have a birthday party for my grandma, and my husband attended with me, knowing I would expect him to go with me.
    • Reply
  • 1120Kj
    Savvy July 2021
    1120Kj ·
    • Flag
    Nope you not wrong im going same thing with mines , like pulling tooth and nails
    • Reply
  • L
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    Before getting mad at him, reflect on the interactions that take place between him and your parents. Do your parents critique or criticize him, even jokingly? Do they belittle him or make him feel uncomfortable? Are they always talking politics, religion, bad mouthing other people, generally just sucking joy out of any conversation? I’m not saying they do but finding out why he doesn’t want to spend time with them and how he feels about himself or just in general after spending time with them is key.
    If he still can’t give an answer, perhaps you both can agree to go and agree to X amount of time.


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  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    Focusing on who is right and who is wrong in these things is not going to find a resolution. It’s ok to be frustrates, your feelings are your feelings.
    This is a really common issue in marriages and talking it out is the only way. A direct “I feel like I al expected to go to your family gatherings and you don’t feel the need to go to mine. Can we talk about this?” is needed here.
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