Am i really the guest of honor???

Take a breath and step back! Let yourself relax! You definitely took on way more than you needed to, especially with party planning. The bride and groom shouldn't be the ones hosting their own parties. Friends and loved ones should be taking on this responsibility for you both. If anything, you both should only be in charge of the guest list, and the time/date of the event.

Maybe your friends and family haven't helped much with planning because they know you're someone that does it all on their own? I would sit down with you fiancé and let them know that you're burned out and that you need help. As for the shower you have coming up, have a talk with you FMIL and just touch base with her on the party planning. She may have everything under control and just isn't relaying the message to you so you can distance yourself from planning.

I'm sorry you're feeling so much anxiety and have all of this going on on top of working, and recovering from COVID. Be kind to yourself, and allow yourself to step back and relax.

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Hi Shelly,

Yes I think I am just going to step back and if it falls apart- let it. It is not fun anymore. I will do my best to relax. Thank you for the kind words!

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The last thing you want is for wedding planning to not be fun anymore. I also had to step back from helping plan our engagement party (which has been canceled and moved to next fall as a couple's shower). I've had to tell myself that I'm not the host, and it's not my responsibility to plan anything for our showers and parties. I kind of just washed my hands of it, and I'm finding that I'm less stressed, and enjoying wedding planning more.

Sending hugs, and hoping someone steps up to help you.

If your mother and MIL offered to host these events for you, you should allow them to plan it. Other than giving them a guest list of who you’d like invited, you shouldn’t really be involved in planning the showers. I know you probably want to make sure it’s perfect, but you gotta let them handle it.

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Yes I am going to let it all go. Let them fail or succeed. Either way it isn't really my problem. I have the best fiancé and have planned an awesome wedding and that is all that really matters anyways!!

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The issue is they didn't even know they were the ones to plan these events until I explained it to them but yes I am going to give up the control and let it be. If nothing gets done it is on them not me.

I agree with the others that you should allow others to plan those other parties (engagement and showers) if they have offered. Whether or not you like the way the plan things, those are their events to plan. Those things don't belong on your plate so do whatever mental adjustments you need to set them aside.

As for your wedding and honeymoon, those things definitely belong on your AND your future spouse's plates. Resist the temptation to get upset that friends and family aren't helping with those things because it's not their job. Expecting outside help to plan your wedding (and honeymoon!) just leads to disappointment and damaged relationships. Instead, work together with your fiancé to plan both of those.

Oh my gosh, I relate to this so much!
I never had an engagement party because no one planned it and I felt too embarrassed to plan it myself but now I realize that if I want something then I'll have to do it by myself and ask people to help if needed. At first I was upset but now I realize that the activities that I want before the wedding isn't because they don't care but they aren't familiar with it because of cultural differences. I'm sorry that this a similar situation for you too but I hope you get/do all that you want and if your love ones don't initiate it even though it sucks, I hope they'll help if you ask them to!

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Agreed. The only reason I mentioned the honeymoon is my Mother-in-law had originally claimed they would plan something but I gave it until 4 months before the wedding to ask and they said they haven't so I booked us something last week and let them know we would book/ pay ourselves. It is okay, I just wish I had known earlier so I could have set up a payment plan sooner.

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Ah, now I see the problem. They weren't "supposed to" plan events celebrating you. Anyone could offer if they wanted to, but as soon as you start assigning duties to people who didn't want them, you run into issues with people who aren't natural (or willing) planners struggling with planning.

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Right exactly. My fiances family is from the UK and they really don't know about wedding things. My family is very hands off as a whole as well so that is why I ultimately took on everything in the end. I hope things get better for you as well! Thank you for understanding.

View Quoted Comment Oh wait. You’re probably not gonna like what I say, but no one is SUPPOSED to plan any events for you unless they actually offer to do so. Unfortunately, if no one offers to throw you a shower, you typically don’t have one or you throw one yourself (which many see as a big “no no” since you shouldn’t throw events that ask to bring gifts. It comes off as “gift grab-y”). It’s customary that the mother of the bride along with bridesmaids throw a shower, but it’s not required. My SIL’s wedding shower wasn’t hosted by her mom. Two of her aunts and godmother offered to host it for you. My mom offered to host mine, but I declined in favor of doing something less traditional (going to Disneyland with my bridesmaids/girlfriends and obviously, I didn’t receive any gifts).

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Right so that is why I just decided it would be best for me to do and then others wouldn't have to if they didn't feel comfortable. What should I have done in your opinion? I honestly wasn't sure how to approach any of this. My sister had a wedding planner and a mother in law who wanted to do EVERYTHING. I tried to be hands off at first but they seemed lost so I stepped in. Now I am overwhelmed and broke LOL

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I don't disagree. I guess I really didn't know what to expect. I saw my sister's wedding a few years earlier and everything about it and her showers and honeymoon were flawless. I am not one for birthday parties, I have never had a real one before. I never take big vacations, etc. So maybe I just expected too much with this wedding... I try not to do that because it is easy to be disappointed. But here we are and I feel silly.

Wow, I feel really bad for you if I’m being honest. Regarding the wedding and honeymoon... I planned everything with the husband confirming everything... I guess I wouldn’t want anyone else planning what or where my honeymoon will be. I’ve never heard of a bride hosting her own engagement party or bridal shower either. It is quite unfortunate your soon-to-be husband doesn’t seem to fully grasp your personality yet. If my husband knew I am the type to get stressed out or seem overwhelmed which is easy to pick up on, he would do all things to ensure it’ll go smooth. I don’t even know where to start for advice to be honest. Maybe sit down with him and let him figure you out first and go from there. I hope your wedding experience gets better, because it truly is a magical time 🤍🤍🤍

View Quoted Comment Hey Alli,
My fiancé is good at calming me but he owns a new company and is very occupied with that so I see his stress and don’t want to add to it. Same with my family and his. They all have their own lives and i really really hate asking for help so I’ve tried to just do it alone. I will make it through. I just need to trust the process and let everyone who is helping do their part if they want and if they don’t that’s okay too.

In my opinion, then you wouldn't have had any extra parties if no one volunteered to throw them. But obviously you are way past that point now so my opinion is irrelevant.

Edited to add: I didn't have any of those extra parties and I feel very married. For me and my spouse our wedding itself (and our marriage) was the important part.

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Yes I fully wish I had decided not to do showers at all. I get caught up in the "traditions" I guess and felt like I had to do these extra events when they really aren't necessary.

View Quoted Comment Who hosted your sister’s shower? If it was your mom, I’m surprised she didn’t take on more of a lead this time around considering she’s already done it once and knows how it goes.


Yeah, it can be disappointing when it seems like you’re the only excited about your wedding. When I first started planning my wedding, I received the BEST advice from a friend: be prepared to face the fact that no one is ever going to care more about your wedding than you and your husband (she learned that the hard way when she was planning hers).
Even though it’s a super important thing for you, we have to remember other people (even our parents) have other things going on their lives. If people offer help— take it. If you’re struggling and need help, ask for it. If the person you ask is happy to help then great! If not, don’t hold it against them.
I didn’t have an engagement party because it’s not very common in my social circle so no one offered and I didn’t want to plan it. Like most brides, I planned our entire wedding weekend (3 days of events) and honeymoon (5 countries and a month long). The only thing I didn’t plan was my bachelorette weekend and my Disneyland “bridal” shower.
If you want to make it easier on yourself, hire at least a month of coordinator so you’re not stressing TOO MUCH over last minute details leading up to the wedding and if you haven’t finished planning your honeymoon, go through a travel agent. A friend of ours did that, and they literally built their whole itinerary and booked all their flights, hotels, dinner reservations, and activities for them.

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So my mom and sister don't have a great relationship so it wasn't surprising when she didn't help with anything. My mom and I are very close, I am very sad she has taken little to no interest in my wedding. That being said I am optimistic and I will try my best to make the most of everything. I appreciate the responses!