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Beginner September 2022

Alternatives to bridal shower?

Katie, on October 8, 2020 at 3:27 PM Posted in Parties and Events 1 20

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My future MIL seems really interested in throwing me a bridal shower. Bless her, she loves hosting parties. However, I adamantly DO NOT want one and she seemed very disappointed to learn that. We will have been living together for nearly 4 years by the time we get married and I am just not into them at all in most cases. We can get gifts and money at the wedding and that is more than plenty to ask of people in my opinion.

I was thinking of suggesting an alternative type of get together or even a day trip? That way she can plan something if she still wants to. I’m already showing that I’m a little non traditional about weddings and it might be freaking her out lol, so being interested in some sort of party might help her relax. Any ideas?

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Latest activity by Jessica, on October 10, 2020 at 8:56 AM

Legend July 2022
Lisa · on October 8, 2020 at 3:30 PM
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I recently learned of bridal luncheons, which is basically a bridal shower without the gifts! You could still do a fun theme, food, games, and socializing with everyone, but don't have to worry about people bringing gifts. If that's something you'd be open to, suggest it to your FMIL as an alternative to a bridal shower!
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Expert November 2020
Alexandria · on October 8, 2020 at 3:34 PM
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I am in the same boat! My fiance and I have been together 8 years and already have 2 children, so I really really don't want a shower, like at all. I don't want it. But that basically broke my FMIL's heart because her and her sister were dying to throw one, so I suggested all of the girls getting together just for the day with lunch and snacks and maybe games or something, not a shower but that way I could still spend time with them and let them plan a super casual lunch and they still feel good about it/themselves.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on October 8, 2020 at 3:35 PM
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I agree with Lisa. A bridal luncheon would be the perfect alternative.
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on October 8, 2020 at 3:47 PM
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I've seen a bridal luncheon or brunch. I've seen women do fun activities to celebrate an upcoming wedding such as horeseback riding
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on October 8, 2020 at 4:17 PM
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My daughter also does not want a shower so we are thinking of getting all the girls together to go to a winery for the day and just have snacks and do wine tasting together.
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Beginner September 2022
Katie · on October 8, 2020 at 4:55 PM
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Thanks! Glad to see I’m not the only one. A lunch sounds really nice! Mimosas and games without the gifts.
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Beginner September 2022
Katie · on October 8, 2020 at 4:57 PM
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I’ll have to look into that! I first thought of a wine tour, but turns out they’re very expensive lol. Maybe just driving to one winery would be a reasonable cost! Then we could easily coordinate serving snacks too.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on October 8, 2020 at 5:11 PM
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My MOH threw me a brunch because I am not having a full wedding so I know it is improper to have a shower but really my FH and I have been living together for 5 years so we do not need anymore house related gifts. I just wanted to celebrate a good time with my girls. People may still give you gifts but that is their choosing so be prepared. We had fun and ate and still did some games. Everyone there had fun and it was a great way to feel special for the day which you deserve.
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on October 8, 2020 at 5:24 PM
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That’s what we are going to do and I’m going to see if they will let me ring a small cake or something lime that in to celebrate.
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Expert November 2020
Alexandria · on October 8, 2020 at 5:54 PM
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Exactly, low key and no stress! That's my plan lol
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on October 8, 2020 at 9:04 PM
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Someone suggested bridal luncheons so that would be nice
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Just Said Yes June 2021
Jamie · on October 8, 2020 at 10:20 PM
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I’m totally in the same boat, me and my fiancé have lived together for a year and we have brand new stuff, and no extra storage room, but everyone insists on a big party to be showered with gifts. When I’d much rather spend the day with my closest girl-friends/relatives and not have the stress of planning something else.
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Dedicated June 2021
Leonardia · on October 9, 2020 at 11:00 AM
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We are actually going to be doing an open house for the bridal party. We will have been together for 5 years and lived together for 3 so I didn't see the need to get together mainly for gifts and games lol. Plus this way we can have both sides of the bridal party get together and meet each other before the actual wedding happens
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Devoted June 2021
Victoria · on October 9, 2020 at 12:30 PM
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Honestly, I love this idea!! Either that or a little spa day could be a nice treat for everyone
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Super October 2022
Michele · on October 9, 2020 at 2:03 PM
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A bridal luncheon is a thank you from the bride to the bridesmaids. It's not for other people (mothers, aunts ). It's also considered rude to refuse a shower because it's seen as snubbing their hospitality toward you. Grin and bear it for 2 hours.
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Beginner September 2022
Katie · on October 9, 2020 at 2:17 PM
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I’m not willing to ask people for gifts when I morally disagree with the idea given my circumstances, so a compromise party is as polite as I’m able to be.
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Master May 2020
Kari · on October 9, 2020 at 2:18 PM
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I think it's really sweet that you are trying to accommodate your FMIL desires even though it's your wedding and should be about what you and your partner want. I would say, if you want to do a pre-wedding girls trip, lunch, or day out, go for it, but don't feel like you need to take part in an event that you don't want to just so your FMIL can plan one.

My husband and I were together for 4+ years too and had everything we needed, and I didn't want a shower at all and didn't have one. We also skipped the wedding registry.
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Beginner September 2022
Katie · on October 9, 2020 at 2:30 PM
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I’m glad to hear you were able to stick with what you wanted! I was also thinking about not have a wedding registry but I am a bit more open to that than the shower. Most people do just give checks at the wedding anymore! I think I will lightly bring up the topic soon and just see what she thinks. She has always been extremely helpful and kind and I guess I just don’t want her to feel pushed out given everything she’s done for me.
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VIP November 2021
Allie · on October 9, 2020 at 10:40 PM
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We are going to do a Jack and Jill instead of a bridal shower/stag. Not sure if you’d be interested in something like that instead, but we wanted it that way because I hate showers of any kind, we’ve lived together for almost 6 years and thought just having a big party for everyone to attend would be more fun than having a bridal shower I probably wouldn’t enjoy. I like the idea of the luncheon too...I actually went to one that was labeled as a Jack and Jill because they included both parties, but we all just got together and had a nice lunch at a fancy hotel restaurant.
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Devoted November 2019
Jessica · on October 10, 2020 at 8:56 AM
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Is she planning the rehearsal dinner? That is typically the role of the mother in law.
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