1 Year into married life, struggling

Be patient and see if his behavior improves

If his behavior doesn't improve then you may want to consider counselling.

Did you move in together after you got married? It does take some to adjust to living with someone new and figuring out how to coexist. If you haven't already, I'd talk to him about what you both expect and need at home as far as roles, boundaries, preferences, etc to create a respectful dynamic. One for you could be that sometimes you need quiet time when you watch TV to decompress.

Or is it possible you could watch your shows during a time where he definitely won't be wrestling with the dog? I mean you shouldn't have to but it would be the last resort.

View Quoted Comment

I love this a lot, thank you! I might make a list. Maybe that'll help. Thank you so much

Honestly I would highly recommend counseling. It doesn't mean you've failed. The way you two are communicating is not working though, and a 3rd party is going to help you figure out the ways to talk to one another with no skin in the game.

It's hard to talk about problems either one of you may be having without it becoming personal and feeling like an attack no matter how gently you come at it. Communication is key, and until you guys learn what the best way to communicate an issue with each other it's only going to get worse.

View Quoted Comment

Well, we work the same hours so my only downtime is in the evening after making dinner. There's a tv on our main floor and then he has a smaller one up in his office area where he'll play video games. There's no couch for it, just a chair so I prefer the one downstairs but, if he resists I usually prefer to just bag it all together and go to bed. :/

Taking time for both of you to communicate how you're feeling, preferably when the problem behavior isn't happening, is always a great idea. It seems like you have done that, but maybe you don't feel like it's been fully resolved? I'd see if the issues continue and then address it again if so. Couple's counseling is also great at helping share these types of concerns in a safe space with someone to facilitate the conversations.

View Quoted Comment My hubby & I went through something similar where with both of us at home 24/7 due to Covid, after a fight we both talked about our need for alone time in the house. We’re doing MUCH better.


I would express what you just did here (your need to relax after work) and what that looks like for you. Because anything could be annoying (dog wrestling, playing music, etc), but for him understand you need quiet and space after dinner will help a lot!
PS Do you need help with dinner? Or can he help by doing more of the dishes? Now is a good time to ask in case there is resentment slowly building up there. 🤗

Your feelings are valid and should not be dismissed by him. It’s not up to him to say what your reaction should be, it’s yours. You need to work together to respect each others feelings and it sounds like he’s not doing this. I may get really bothered by something that doesn’t phase my husband, it’s not up to him to say in overreacting but support the solution and understand why I have different reactions to different things.

I recommend counseling. Having a neutral party guide you and your husband in how to communicate and understand the other person will help so much.

It seems like there's a miscommunication going on here. I'm glad you guys worked it out though. Honestly, there will be more moments where stuff like this may happen. I still have my moments with my FH, but we always make sure to communicate to each other because of how we both deal with things differently. For example, I am definitely more sensitive than my FH is. Therefore, I tend to get into my feelings a little too much when I am hurt or sad lol. However, one of us will always say something to get a conversation going to say sorry because neither of us wants to stay mad at each other.
And maybe he is feeling irritated or that type of way because something happened at work or something like that? Because when my FH is irritated it's because it's from work or he has to deal with something because it went south, etc. I'm sure he doesn't mean to put it out on you, but definitely just have that open line of communication. Hopefully this made sense lol.

The "naggy wife" idea drives me absolutely crazy -- we wouldn't be seen that way if 1) we didn't have to ask for X to be done in the first place; and 2) if it got done, we wouldn't have to remind them. My husband knows how I feel about this, and we've been living together for a long time, so fortunately we got through those pesky growing pains.

It's a good sign that you were able to have a conversation with him about it and that he recognizes he needs to listen to what you're truly asking for. You're not a bad wife, and he's not a bad husband -- you both thought your actions were reasonable.

I think it'll take some time, but hopefully things improve. Relationships are a constant work in progress, and this is a good issue to iron out early in your marriage and get good at resolving!

Covid is not helping! My husband calls me a nagging wife too, but we’ve tried so hard to have our own “me time” in the house cause we don’t get that anymore since covid. I think you need to try to brush it off cause he’s just messing around and doing his thing. Sometimes it’s that stupid fight you don’t want to have. I always remember the “fork in the sink” with my ex, and remember it’s never a bigger deal than what I’m making it out to be.

This is a counseling issue.

DH and I went to counseling after moving in together, before we were even engaged, so we could improve our communication and problem-solving skills. We usually referred to it as our relationship "tune-up", because it was so helpful to create and improve our skills.

It's been a few years, and sometimes we find ourselves slipping a little, so we sit down and go back to those lessons.

The best fix I've found for any communication problem is to try saying what you mean in another way. If he doesn't listen when you ask him to be loud somewhere else, maybe try something like "it's important to me that I have this quiet relaxing time to unwind and it makes me feel ______ (like I'm not being heard, etc) when you ______(wrestle the dog loudly) during that time. Can you please ______ (take the dog for a walk, or something that makes him feel like he's still getting quality dog fun time) during this time instead?" Sometimes it's really just about them understanding WHY you're asking for something. If they don't understand why you need it quiet and it's always the same request. Of course it can feel sort of ridiculous or nagging. Just make sure his needs for quality time with your dog (which sounds important to him!) are being met too.

If you both apologized Let it go! Your married ! There will be bigger obstacles in life!

Seems like you’re going in two different directions and lacking decent communication. Perhaps he really wants time with you (and not the dog) but isn’t able to express it, for fear that you’ll become upset about stopping your show (or upset for whatever other reason). You’ve mentioned things that your husband does. But what parts do you feel you play in the situation? What behaviors of yours make him view you as “mean” and “rude” (because that’s not coming out of nowhere).

Sit him aside and have a discussion with him about it. Communication is key.

My first thought was if you had moved in together prior to getting married -

I'm not married yet, but when my fiancé and I moved in together, it was tough - amazing and wonderful, but really tough. You learn a lot about each other & you notice the little things you may not have noticed before living together. I don't feel like you necessarily need counseling? You are newlyweds and figuring things out - you're allowed to get annoyed at each other sometimes, you learn how to handle those little things as you go.

I'm really bad about digging too deep into an issue and thinking were falling apart when we have the smallest argument. My fiancé humbles me A LOT. He will kind of bring me back down after a small disagreement and just remind me that we're human and we're allowed to get frustrated. It sounds like you both apologized and committed to trying to do better - I think that's it. Work on it! Both of you.

Maybe you should try to work on giving more grace when you're annoyed with him. I'm guilty of this too, but I have a hard time hiding when I'm annoyed at my inconveniences. Your tv scenario sounds about like me! Just try to be more patient and kind when you're inconvenienced. And hold him more accountable when he isn't listening to you or taking your wants seriously, gracefully. It's all about communication.

I don't think you need counseling for this! I think you are newlyweds figuring some things out! Good luck gal!