Earth Shattering Unprofessionalism
Read my story before you give this man your money!
I'm not perfect by any means, but I was raised with old-fashioned values believing that a marriage should be performed by a man of GOD. So, instead of going the easy route, the cheap route, and paying a notary public, I searched for a minister to perform my wedding ceremony; even though I have not been grounded in church in years. The original gentleman that I spoke to was not available; then my fiancé, now husband, wanted to get married the week of Christmas. He referred me to one of his colleagues, and when we interviewed, things seemed fine, and I was excited to have found a preacher. Due to the timing, availability was difficult for many people, so I provided him a $500 deposit the very day that we met.
I was excited to hear that he offered premarital counseling
as I was with someone who would be willing to do that. Marriage is difficult and I thought it would be therapeutic, especially since I had been married before, but my fiance had not. We set up the first appointment for counseling and made sure that our work schedules lined up to where we would be off that night, but when the night arrived, the preacher did not. After many attempts to reach him, he informed me that he thought he was speaking to someone different and insisted that he needs emails to keep his appointments straight and we would have to reschedule, but that he would take the cost of the counseling off since he missed our first appointment.
I was disappointed that we had to reschedule, but excited when the day of our first official counseling appointment arrived with him. I provided the preacher with an official Save-the-Date as well as a formal invitation for the entire event. My partner and I had actually had a misunderstanding recently and was amazingly, man enough to bring it up during the session in hopes of getting advice to prevent malfunctions in the future. My partner told his side of the story to the preacher, but when it came time for me to tell my side, an interruption occurred, and I never got my chance to say my peace. I had hoped the the preacher would remind my partner that I too need to get things off of my chest and allow me to finish side of a story, but he did not and it left me with hurt feelings. I discussed this after the meeting with my partner and we agreed that on our next counseling session, we would bring it up so that I could say my peace and we could move on. However, when the next counseling session arrived and we informed the preacher of what had occurred, and that I had had hurt feelings and wanted to say what I had missed getting to say,
his response was more hurtful than I could have imagined. He began referring to me as dramatic and asking my partner if he was sure that he wanted to marry this.
I was awestruck, appalled, dumbfounded, bewildered....not only did this not sound like therapeutic marriage counseling,
it didn't sound like the way that a man of GOD would speak, and very simply, it did not sound like a good business practice to speak to your customers like that.
At this point, the wedding was only a couple of months away and I had already given his so much money, I just moved on. He promised to send ceremony samples in an email & we discussed the need for a rehearsal. He started we should do the rehearsal on Friday evening, the day before the wedding. A couple weeks later I had to follow up to ask for the ceremonies as I had not received them. Once I did, there was a note on the top referencing potential rehearsal on the evening before the wedding. When I had my final meeting with the venue I requested the evening before for a rehearsal just as the preacher had asked. When I messaged him again to confirm the rehearsal and some final details, he notified me that he had a funeral that morning and a wedding that evening and would not be available that day at all. I rescheduled with the venue and my wedding party and we were able to set up the rehearsal for 2 days before instead. Also at this time the preacher asked about the final amount of money I owed him and he asked for the original amount still with no discount for the missed counseling appointment. I reminded him on what he told me he would take off and he said I would still owe $100. I did not have the time or mental fortitude to hunt for the contract, so I agreed.
On the night of the rehearsal, I was nervous, but cautiously optimistic. I have the preacher the marriage license and the $100. My (now) husband and his family are not from here and English is not their first language.
I made 2 or 3 attempts to discuss with the preacher the potential for scheduling slow downs as some cultures are not as punctual as others and the need for extra time
consideration when reading our vows because of potential language difficulties, but every time I attempted to speak to him was hushed. I expressed my concerns to my, then fiance, and asked if he would speak with the preacher since the preacher seems to listen to other men (certified member of the old boys club).
Come the morning of the wedding, it was one malfunction after another. Many weddings experience this as it is such a grand event and there are so many difficult moving parts and so many people involved, but the most earth-shattering turn of events never crossed my mind as a possibility. While I was running late, getting my hair done and getting dressed because of other malfunctions and delays that had occurred.
A few minutes after it was time for me to have originally walk down the aisle, I start missing messages from the wedding party that the preacher is saying if we don't start soon, that he's going to leave. I spoke with my hairdresser, photographer, and venue coordinator and everyone reminds me that it's normal for weddings to start late. I asked if we could get someone to go talk to the preacher and I learn that he had booked another wedding for the same day, only 2 hours after mine. We rushed my hair styling and donning my dress and was walking out to the staging area for entrance as we see the preacher leaving. I was told he asked one of my guests to recite the ceremony and gave him the license AND ACTUALLY LEFT.
