P.F.
Super May 2018

Why do guests ask everyone but the bride and groom?

P.F., on March 24, 2018 at 11:11 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 24
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Why?? Why am I finding out all these guests are asking my mother if they can add a plus one AFTER they RSVPed or if "no kids" doesn't include theirs? Just ask me! I'd be happy to have those conversations instead of listening to mom tell me she had to talk to so-and-so and it was awkward especially since she doesn't agree with me, etc.

24 Comments

  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
    • Flag
    Oh no! That's even more frustrating! I can't accommodate extra people just because they snuck past me!
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  • Mrs. Johnson in 2020
    Expert October 2020
    Mrs. Johnson in 2020 ·
    • Flag
    Oh lord. I couldn't handle that with all the other stress coming from planing and costs.
    Knowing me they might want to stick to asking mom because id be the one to go off on someone if they asking if their kids come to the non-kid wedding plus their already sent their RSVP cars in.
    • Reply
  • Alondra S.
    Expert September 2018
    Alondra S. ·
    • Flag
    I've had people asking about wedding details, but instead of asking me, they're asking my mother in law... Why? They can just come to me.
    • Reply
  • Mrs.Whooooo
    Master May 2017
    Mrs.Whooooo ·
    • Flag
    My guess is because they don’t want to “burden” the bride or groom so close to the wedding, thinking how stressful it may be for them
    • Reply
  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
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    See I wouldn't care if they asked her for details. Just don't ask her if you can bring little johnny when I already said no!
    • Reply
  • Mrs.Henderson2b
    Expert June 2018
    Mrs.Henderson2b ·
    • Flag
    Been there too! My FH’s cousins were calling my FMIL asking about RSVPn when we hadn’t sent out invitations and other stuff. Like why?? They have no problem calling him or I when they need our help in something but can’t ask us about details of the wedding!? FH was pissed about that. Now every time one of them calls for help, he says no or he’s busy. We shy away from BS.
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  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
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    Maybe, but I think it's more of a burden to go around me to get an answer from someone else when they've already been given an answer from me.
    • Reply
  • Mrs.Henderson2b
    Expert June 2018
    Mrs.Henderson2b ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Exactly!! That would piss me off even more.
    • Reply
  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Even if that were the case, shouldn't they still ask us? Etiquette on that I'm not sure about so you could be on point with peoples assumptions
    • Reply
  • Red Queen
    VIP May 2018
    Red Queen ·
    • Flag

    I bet they're trying purposely to go around you, so they can say, "so and so said it was OK".

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  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    It certainly feels that way
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  • hi_bride
    Dedicated October 2018
    hi_bride ·
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    Ugh this is the worst
    • Reply
  • mjfortwedding
    Expert April 2018
    mjfortwedding ·
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    We have one person who is a fellow member of the church but not invited to the private event bc well to be blunt his family very much dislkikes her and they have for years.
    She emailed FFIL, FMIL (both completely different emails same day, minutes apart) and CALLED both grandmothers. She fished for details, time date, at the church? Private public? What’s the decor? do you have a picture of her dress etc. in her emails she wrote “oh I just love weddings” 3x and on the phone to FMIL’s mom said “well if it’s private I’ll just come and stand in the back...” like no you won’t... this woman hasn’t said a word to me or FH. probably for the better bc FH would lose it. FFIL emails her back and said, “this is their private event, they sent out invitations to people on their guest list, if you didn’t get one then I guess you weren’t on it.” And FMIL recently called her after the standing in the back comment and went off on her. So I’m hoping we don’t see her day of 🙄🙃
    • Reply
  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
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    Oh my goodness! That's awful!! Why does she want to be there so badly?? She sounds crazy! I hope she doesn't show up!
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Devoted October 2018
    Sarah ·
    • Flag

    I would cut through it and tell em you heard that they had questions and you were happy to clarify. No. The answer is no. And anyone who is not invited that shows up will be asked to leave. If they have issues say you maxed your venue and the fire marshal has made it clear to you that you will be shut down if you exceed capacity. It has worked wonders for me.

    • Reply
  • Alondra S.
    Expert September 2018
    Alondra S. ·
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    Yess that's exactly what they're asking my FMIL!!
    • Reply
  • mjfortwedding
    Expert April 2018
    mjfortwedding ·
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    She wants to be there because... we’ll im not sure lol she thinks her and FH are close? Idk how though. I guess bc he grew up in the church and she’s been there the whole time but they’ve never been close... so yeah I hope she doesn’t show up but our DOC adores both of us and is volunteering her time to help (shes done tons of weddings at this church) knows about this and will not let her in so I’m sure it’ll be fine. This woman doesn’t put up with anyone’s shenanigans lol.
    • Reply
  • WED18
    July 1993
    WED18 ·
    • Flag

    So annoying for both you and your mom. This is why I think it's so important to let your parents know what the plans are, because we WILL get calls. Hopefully your mom has your back even if she doesn't agree.

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  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
    • Flag
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    She gives them the correct answer but makes sure they know she disagrees. And she always makes comments to me about it. Everyone invited knows we don't like kids so Idk why they're so shocked kids aren't invited
    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2018
    MaltedMilk ·
    • Flag

    Because some people have no manners? They think they can write their own etiquette rules? I am sorry you have to go through this.

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