Victoria
Savvy May 2021

Who gets their dress first?

Victoria, on June 10, 2018 at 11:10 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 20
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So my mother is not a super model sized lady and has trouble finding things that modern and fit. My future mother in law is very tiny but is also very reserved and is a mother to two boys. What are you guys doing about mother of the bride and mother of the groom dresses? Did you take your mom first to get her dress? Did you go with your future mother in law? Who did you take with you when looking? Did you coordinate the dresses? Please give me your advice and experience! I just want both mom's to love what they will wear and have a good time finding it.

20 Comments

  • HowCo Industries
    VIP September 2018
    HowCo Industries ·
    • Flag
    I am letting them dress themselves. My mother has already looked for some guidance style-wise (I've offered to shop for something fun and vintage at our favorite consignment shop but that's on her request.) We are having a an informal wedding but I probably wouldn't do more than than just offer a shopping date even for black tie.
    • Reply
  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
    • Flag

    Old fashioned tradition was that the bride's mother chose her dress, then informed the MOG about the style and color. Like many other traditions, including the fact that nowadays there may be more than one bride, this is one that is no longer consistently followed.

    MOB and MOG are grown women who have dressed themselves for years without any help from the younger generation. Tell them to wear whatever they feel great wearing.

    Certainly you can offer to have a day out together for shopping, and make sure they know the color palette of the wedding, but that would be for their information only, not restricting their choice.

    • Reply
  • OrangeCrush
    Super October 2017
    OrangeCrush ·
    • Flag

    Tradition dictates the MOB goes first then MOG but really, let them dress themselves in whatever color they want. I told my first mother in law my mom would be buying her dress the Wednesday before the wedding so don't wait around, lol.

    • Reply
  • Heather
    Expert August 2018
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    They are dressing themselves. That way they get exactly what they want.
    • Reply
  • Mrs.Henderson2b
    Expert June 2018
    Mrs.Henderson2b ·
    • Flag
    I told them the color I wanted them to get so they are in our color scheme for photos. They can choose whatever style they want. No particular order of who bought their dress first.
    • Reply
  • Miaaa
    Super January 2018
    Miaaa ·
    • Flag

    I had zero say in what my mom or my MIL wore. They each chose a dress and they didn't match the wedding or each other. They looked beautiful and happy in their dresses. Honestly if you're looking to save yourself drama just tell each to buy whatever she wants. They may just want to touch base to make sure they're not wearing the same dress.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Haug
    Devoted June 2018
    Mrs. Haug ·
    • Flag
    My FMIL planned on shopping with me but found what she wanted when she was out on a shopping trip but it was not a big deal to me. I went shopping with my mom and helped her choose her accessories.
    • Reply
  • S
    Savvy October 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    My mom picked her own dress out online before I even found MY dress. Mind you, my wedding isn't until October 2019 Smiley xd
    • Reply
  • Lindsey
    VIP June 2018
    Lindsey ·
    • Flag

    My mom and my fh aunt are wearing their own dresses. they are adult ladies they can dress themselves. the chances of them getting the same dress.

    • Reply
  • P
    Super January 2019
    PalmTrees ·
    • Flag
    They will wear whatever they want to wear. No restrictions or specified colors. They’re adults and I trust them to dress themselves.
    • Reply
  • Kimberly
    Expert May 2018
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    Neither of our moms attended due to mental illness.
    • Reply
  • WED18
    July 1993
    WED18 ·
    • Flag

    That's an outdated tradition and the moms don't need to coordinate. For my oldest daughter's wedding, I picked out my own outfit and the MOG and I never discussed it. For my middle and youngest daughter's weddings I went shopping with my youngest bride, her MOG, and my BFF. We had a blast!

    • Reply
  • A.Magill.Since.May
    Master May 2018
    A.Magill.Since.May ·
    • Flag
    I agree with everyone else here to let them know the general color palette of the wedding and the level of formality and let them dress themselves. My mother kept changing her mind on what she wanted to wear and bought her actual dress less than a week before the wedding. I cannot imagine the tension that would have caused if I was expecting the Mothers to coordinate or the stress it would have caused my MIL to have to wait on my mom... They both wore colors different from, but complementary to, our color palette and looked stunning. They wore totally different styles that suited them and I couldn't have been happier.
    • Reply
  • Shaunte
    Expert April 2020
    Shaunte ·
    • Flag

    I agree with PPs. I gave them the general color palette (purple, white, silver) and formality. As of right now, the MOG is wearing steel and my mom is wearing navy. I told them it was way too early to look for dresses anyway but they were insistent.

    • Reply
  • C
    Devoted June 2018
    Caitlyn ·
    • Flag
    My mom picked hers out first, she wasn't looking but just happened across it and sent me a picture for me to okay (even though I trust her to pick her own outfit haha) and a few months later my mother in law asked about my mom's dress so that she could start looking for something (she wanted to match but also not to overshadow my mom because it's a big day for her too). My MIL bought 3 or 4 different outfits and showed me all of them, I told her they were all nice and I just wanted her to wear what made her comfortable. In the end my mom wore a navy blue off the shoulder dress and his mom wore a light pink dress with lace sleeves
    • Reply
  • FutureMrsHarris18
    Expert July 2018
    FutureMrsHarris18 ·
    • Flag

    My mother went on her own to find a dress that she liked. Her only guideline from me was that it had to be in the color that I gave her and she couldn't look better than me! As far as the grooms mother's dress, we went looking and found something that we liked for her (only because she has poor taste in clothing). Then we took her that following weekend and had her try it on. It looked pretty good on her. She wanted to be grandmother sexy and we accomplished that!

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    I just gave them a couple colors (blue, green, purple, grey) that would all look nice with our colors, and told them to get whatever they want. We are paying for my FMIL's dress, so we are going with her. My mom will probably get a nicer dress, so she is going to get her own. My mom sends me links to ones she may order, I assume she will order 3-5 and try them on then send back ones she doesn't like.

    • Reply
  • queenbee
    VIP October 2018
    queenbee ·
    • Flag
    My mom really wanted my opinion on her dress and wanted to go shopping with me. She found her dress unexpectedly when we went out shopping one day for something completely different. My sister (MOH) and I were with her. Once she found her dress, I told FMIL that I preferred if she found a dress in a different color just so they wouldn’t completely match and told her what colors I thought would look best. She said she wanted to go shopping with me so that she could get my opinion on her dress, but ended up getting one with FSIL without me. Both moms asked me what kind of dress they should be looking for from the start, and I told them what I preferred — floor-length in a color that doesn’t clash with the wedding (i.e. basically don’t wear lime green which I don’t think was asking too much).
    Many people on here will tell you that moms are grown ups who can dress themselves and wear whatever they want, and that’s true. But I don’t see anything wrong with giving ideas about what length you prefer them to wear or giving a few color options you like, or offering to go shopping with them. It can be a nice bonding moment for you! And if both moms are ok with it, you could all go out together and look!
    • Reply
  • PrincessLawrence
    VIP June 2018
    PrincessLawrence ·
    • Flag

    I let my mom pick her dress first and the length and fmil followed suit to my mom then step mom

    • Reply
  • Jamie
    Dedicated June 2018
    Jamie ·
    • Flag
    They picked whatever they wanted. I think you’re making this more difficult than it needs to be.
    • Reply

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