Meg
Just Said Yes December 2018

What's your best advice or tips for a newly engaged girl?!

Meg, on November 9, 2017 at 11:44 AM Posted in Planning 0 21
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Hello! Brand new here, engaged just two days. (Hopefully this is the appropriate category.)

I've never put too much thought into how I would like to be married, so I feel like I'm in way over my head. Give me your best advice on wedding planning, etiquette, what you wish you knew before you started, you name it!

21 Comments

  • Rachelxoxo
    Savvy October 2018
    Rachelxoxo ·
    • Flag

    Have fun Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • EngineerInLove
    VIP September 2018
    EngineerInLove ·
    • Flag

    Congrats and welcome! Copy everything Kate said, also

    - "no" is a complete sentence

    - nobody will be as excited about your wedding as you are... this was a tough one for me but I'm so glad to have learned it here.

    • Reply
  • FutureMrsHill
    Expert April 2018
    FutureMrsHill ·
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    I agree with everything, Kate said! Also, don't feel pressured to make someone apart of your bridal party.

    • Reply
  • Keisha
    Master September 2018
    Keisha ·
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    Take the time to just be engaged. Once you start planning it does not stop

    • Reply
  • Megan
    Expert September 2017
    Megan ·
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    Agree with everything PP said. It really can be fun you will learn about things with your FH you never thought about and hopefully have some good laughs along the way. I think it gets stressful when people don't follow Kate's bullets above. I would add to that, don't share your guest list with others and don't allow others to input it.

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  • RustyTheDog
    Dedicated December 2017
    RustyTheDog ·
    • Flag

    Set a strict guest list number and don't go over that. We only set iffy figures and it kept growing because we didn't check it for a while and then was too late :/

    Also, don't assume because people are far away or a bad time of year that people won't come. THEY WILL.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
    • Flag

    Congratulations!

    First, enjoy being engaged. No planning for a little, just relax foe now.

    When you do start planning

    - start with a budget and stick to it. Every decision you make from there on out is based on the budget.

    - no pay no say. If you have people contributing financially other than your and your FH/FW, be prepared for all their opinions.

    - don't expect your bridesmaids to do more than wear the dress and show up on wedding day. Everything else they do is extra and voluntary. Lots of brides come on here with unrealistic expectations of bridesmaids

    - treat your guests well. (Plenty of food, alcohol and a chair for everyone)

    - DIY does not always mean cheaper.

    - be open to criticism if you want to stick around ( and please do! ) people on here will be blunt but honest. It all comes from a good place.

    • Reply
  • Jessi
    VIP December 2017
    Jessi ·
    • Flag

    Do lots of research. Like, lots. Venue regret, dress regret, going over budget, general regret are real things that happen all the time because we all get excited and want to do something RIGHT MEOW and then three months later we're like "what the hell is this I'm locked in to now???"

    Just enjoy being engaged and considering all the possibilities before fully committing. And Have Fun!!

    • Reply
  • Kourtney
    Beginner December 2017
    Kourtney ·
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    Don't pick your bridal party too early! It's ok to wait until closer to time, you don't have to choose as soon as you get engaged

    • Reply
  • Sally
    Devoted March 2018
    Sally ·
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    Most important thing is to HAVE FUN after all it is a wedding! and I recommend Lurking on here a bit and soaking it all in you can learn a lot from just reading these forums..

    • Reply
  • TarHeel729
    Expert July 2017
    TarHeel729 ·
    • Flag

    Congrats and welcome!! Agree with everything PPs have said. One thing I will add is don’t feel pressured to get married by a certain date. Everyone’s timing for engagement and length of engagement is different. I have a friend who wished her year long engagement had been only 6 months. In contrast, we pushed through planning our wedding in 11 months and it may not have been the right schedule for us. During that time, H was out of the country for two months for work, I had three job changes (nature of what I do, but one job was horrible), and one of my friends became deathly ill. It was a very stressful and difficult year made even more so by planning a wedding. After the wedding, I mentioned that it probably would have been easier on us (emotionally and financially) to have pushed it back. H agreed and said he didn’t want to suggest it to me before the wedding because he thought it would make him sound like he didn’t want to marry me.

    We are thrilled to be married, and I wouldn’t change that for anything. But sometimes I wish we had slowed down and enjoyed being engaged more. You can also see in some wedding pictures how stressed I was, which I am a little sad about (only a couple pics show this). Make sure you are taking time for yourselves and engage in self care. Don’t make the next year of your life about your wedding.

    • Reply
  • Meg
    Just Said Yes December 2018
    Meg ·
    • Flag

    This is all fabulous advice so far! Thank you all for your input. I especially love the 'enjoy being engaged' and take your time... we've been dating for 8 years and fending off the "when are you getting married" questions for years, and I am already on edge about those questions ramping up again about planning, so having that mindset before we even begin will help immensely

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Devoted November 2017
    Katie ·
    • Flag

    I might get hate for this, but whatever. Take everything you read here with a grain of salt. Some of it is incredibly helpful and informative, and people want to help make sure you have a great wedding, that you're happy, and that everything goes smoothly. Also be aware that, while usually well-intentioned, there can be judgment and shaming for doing some things differently. Listen to the advice, see if there is anything you need to change to host well and such, but also don't beat yourself up if it's a little different sometimes. Some people will tell you otherwise, but whatever. The key things are not going into debt, making sure you have seats and food (and some sort of drinks) for everyone (an open bar is great, just beer and wine is completely fine), and you're best off making sure all your vendors are professionals with contracts. "Friendors" aren't usually a good idea (but there are some exceptions). Read around to get an idea of what's going on and what's good vs bad. Do your best to have fun, and don't be afraid to tell people no to whatever if you have to.

    • Reply
  • Mrs Robes
    Devoted October 2018
    Mrs Robes ·
    • Flag

    Invite people you truly want there! Also never increase your guest list with the assumption that a certain number of people will decline. And no B lists!

    Enjoy engaged life! It goes by quickly!

    • Reply
  • Shannon
    Expert October 2017
    Shannon ·
    • Flag

    It's your wedding. Do what you and your fh want. Don't let others change your mind or tell you to do something else or pick different colors etc. Everyone has opinions on how your day should be but remember it's your day.

    • Reply
  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
    • Flag

    I agree with the royal highness @Kate

    Also, try to see that you are hosting an event. We worked to maximize the guest experience with our money. Every time I saw something cute at Michaels or AC Moore my husband would say "Do we need it?? Does it make the experience easier, more fun, or more memorable for the guests?" It may sound fun to have a $5k all out crystal shoe but are struggling with the $6k for catering try to take this perspective.

    There's no shame/stigma/negative to eloping. If you truly want to do it. Go for it.

    Your BP are your honored guests not glitter covered slaves.

    Take your time! My wedding day was the 8 month anniversary of my engagement. I was so rushed and stressed. I stopped sleeping. I forgot to eat. I was a mess. Please take your time!

    • Reply
  • GymRat
    Master May 2017
    GymRat ·
    • Flag

    I wish I wouldn't have told certain people right away.

    I wish I wouldn't have had a wedding party.

    I wish I would have set up a separate email account just for the wedding.

    I wish I would have pushed the wedding out 4 more months so I could have saved up a tiny bit more money to have fancier decor.

    • Reply
  • MrsMtobe
    Devoted December 2017
    MrsMtobe ·
    • Flag

    A wedding planner is amazing! Especially if you don't have a lot of ideas. I know how I wanted my wedding, and my planner has been my saving grace.

    • Reply
  • Aly
    Expert June 2018
    Aly ·
    • Flag

    Enjoy every minute!

    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Expert September 2018
    Nicole ·
    • Flag

    Welcome! This is all really good advice so far! You will learn a lot being around here, I know I was planning a train wreck when I showed up.

    Piggy-backing on @MrsBdeG ... remember that as soon as you invite one guest to your wedding it stops being all about you. Try not to buy into the 'you're the bride, it's your day' stuff when it comes to treating your guests well. Your ceremony is the part about you and your future spouse, the reception is a thank to your guests for witnessing that ceremony, so make sure they are treated right!

    Edited because I said 'treated well' four times. I need so much less coffee.

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