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Just Said Yes October 2017

Unusual unwanted wedding guest

Dolobridetobe, on August 23, 2017 at 2:50 AM Posted in Planning 0 61
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My parents have a family friend who has a son, and my fiancé and I have know him since childhood. He's a pretty decent friend not super close. Now this guy is dating my ex best friend from many years back, from early high school. The end of our friendship was ugly, I don't hold grudges against her but I absolutely don't want her at our wedding. This guy already texted my fiancé asking if he could bring her. My fiancé said that we are over capacity and don't have space and we'll let him know. We may have space after a few declines, but there's other people I'd rather invite from my B-list over her. Regardless, I don't want her at our wedding. Now his mom talked to my fiancés mom saying that she will give up her seat for her. So we can't use the capacity as the reason and I don't know how to handle this because I really don't want her there. My fiancé wants me to let it go and let her come. He thinks saying anything will causes drama between our parents and his mom. Help.

61 Comments

  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
    • Flag

    Oh god. Don't B list guests it's rude. When you get your declines just embrace the smaller guest count.

    Tell him she is not invited to the wedding and no one will be giving up seats. At this point everyone bustling around to get her there is rude to you.

    Simply say, "Unfortunately (x friend) cannot attend our wedding. We look forward to celebrating with you. "

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  • D
    Just Said Yes October 2017
    Dolobridetobe ·
    • Flag

    Woah this is my first post on here and I just got slammed. We both have huge families and it's been really difficult fitting it all in. When we made a rough estimate of guests before booking the venue we missed a bunch of people and before invites sent out we had to add in plus ones that weren't accounted for and suddenly we were way over capacity. Most people who are on the B-list are just parents friends or our siblings friends who we don't have space for but we know they'd want to attend. So it's just an issue we have to deal with. It's not due to cost but because we are at max capacity. Half way through wedding planning we started looking into their venues because of this but it just wasn't worth starting over.

    In regards to the ex best friend, I know it's been forever and I don't really care about that. It's about how they're handling it and me not feeling really comfortable having her there. It didn't end well and I haven't really seen her since and they started publicly posting that they were together the past few months after we made our list but before we sent out invites. My fiancé doesn't want the drama but I don't really care about the drama because of the way they're trying to slither her in, what they're doing is way more rude. In my opinion at least.

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  • Brooke
    Expert September 2017
    Brooke ·
    • Flag

    I would figure out a way to get her in. Even though you don't get along with her, they are a unit. It's either both are invite or they're not invited at all. I understand the big family thing but we made one list and we cut a lot of people. It wasn't easy but you need to look at the big picture of who is a part of your lives and who you want to be there. but at this point, invites are sent and you'll have to make that decision. Good luck!

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  • Ariella
    Super March 2018
    Ariella ·
    • Flag

    Maybe you should go on a double date and bury the hatchet over some mimosas. Give the girl a chance. I certainly and proudly am not the same person I once was. Try to spin this positively.

    If after the meet up you still feel the same due to her being rude, then by all means, do not invite her. At least you can say you tried.

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  • Spaghetti
    VIP November 2018
    Spaghetti ·
    • Flag

    A couple is a unit and you don't break them up. When you made your guest list you should have considered that and if it was that big of an issue then you should not have invited this friend who is dating your ex best friend.

    What is the threat of having her at your wedding? There's a couple I'm not thrilled about inviting but in the end it causes WAY more drama to not include them. They won't sabotage my wedding or make it any less special.

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  • FME
    Master March 2018
    FME ·
    • Flag

    A couple is a unit so they should be invited together. You keep saying you don't hold grudges but you keep saying you don't want her there because of a falling out you had in high school? If you're already at capacity, I'm thinking you're having a large guest list and you probably won't even have to interact with her.

    B list is also very rude, you should have picked a venue that could accommodate everyone.

    • Reply
  • Jaclyn
    Super September 2018
    Jaclyn ·
    • Flag

    I guess I'm a little confused. Did you originally invite him? Or is he on your B list too? If he was on your A list and you knew he was dating her, why did you not put her on the invite as well?

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  • JustPlainCat
    VIP September 2016
    JustPlainCat ·
    • Flag

    "Slither" her in? She's his girlfriend. It shouldn't take any kind of manipulation for her to be able to attend a social event with him.

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  • Red2018
    VIP August 2018
    Red2018 ·
    • Flag

    I am literally in the exact same situation and my ex-best friend will be invited because she is dating my best friend's brother who is invited. Literally none of my friend group is friends with her anymore, but she is still invited because they are a SOCIAL UNIT. That's how it works.

    Don't B-List. It is rude.

    • Reply
  • Amber
    Devoted April 2018
    Amber ·
    • Flag

    There will be so much going on on your wedding day and so many other people there that you won't be focused on her being there. I'm sure you can see her, say hello, she'll say congratulations and then you move on and enjoy the day with your husband

    • Reply
  • Meagen
    VIP October 2017
    Meagen ·
    • Flag

    I was B-listed to my cousin's wedding a few years ago, and you can be certain I still remember and always associate her with that now. It's cringy and hurt our relationship.

    Do not do this. Do not B-list.

    Also, if you already invited him, then you need to invite her. They are a unit. If you haven't sent out invites, then don't invite either of them, but be prepared to deal with the fallout.

    • Reply
  • E
    Devoted October 2017
    Esperanza ·
    • Flag

    It's your day. Your decision. If you don't want her politely say no. No need to use excuses. Kind of rude for people to get involved.

    • Reply
  • Catie
    Expert October 2017
    Catie ·
    • Flag

    My cousin got married two years ago and did not invite my brothers girlfriend. They had been together for over a year at that point. He is still quite salty about it. So suck it up and invite her especially if there is room.

    • Reply
  • FutureMrs.L
    Master September 2018
    FutureMrs.L ·
    • Flag

    First, no one slammed you. Disagreeing or saying something is rude, is not slamming,

    Secondly, you say you're over, but it honestly sounds like you're not. They're a couple. It's polite to invite them both. Not inviting her can cause unnecessary drama.

    Do not b-list. It's extremely rude, and I guarantee they will find out.

    Esperanza, what?? How is any of it rude? They're dating, she should be invited.

    • Reply
  • Hailey
    Dedicated May 2018
    Hailey ·
    • Flag

    Just invite her. You will only have to interact with her for a few minutes max. You never know maybe you could become great friends again. If you dont invite her it is likely that your friend and his mother will no show

    • Reply
  • FutureMrs.L
    Master September 2018
    FutureMrs.L ·
    • Flag

    O&S you'd be fucking rich! lol I can't stand that arguement.

    • Reply
  • MrsSki
    Master April 2017
    MrsSki ·
    • Flag

    If you have big families and a large guest list, you won't even notice her. You invited him, so the polite and gracious thing to do is to invite the social unit: that means him and his girlfriend.

    Perhaps this guest's mom is offering her seat to save face for you. It's incredibly rude that you knew they were dating before you mailed your invitations and still didn't invite her. IMO you and FH are the ones causing drama, not this couple.

    • Reply
  • Megan
    Super October 2017
    Megan ·
    • Flag

    It is either invite them both or don't invite either of them. Even though you don't like her, your friend is dating her. The last wedding I went to invited a friend of ours and not his girlfriend who happens to be an actual friend of our social group. It hurt feelings. It is your wedding so if you do not want her there then don't. But don't invite him without her. And if this mess was high school drama, then try to bury the hatchet. People change dramatically after high school. I have and I am only 22.

    • Reply
  • AwkwardToBe
    VIP September 2017
    AwkwardToBe ·
    • Flag

    I'm just curious as to how old you are if stuff from high school still bothers you. People change after high school. I don't know if you said how many people are going to the wedding, but if it's large enough, the most interaction you'd have to have with this person is saying hi and thanking her for coming. It's not like you're forced to hang out with her all night if you invite her.

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  • lkg72
    Devoted July 2018
    lkg72 ·
    • Flag

    I don't even remember why I'm not friends with certain people from high school. Let it go. If they end up getting married are you not going to go to their wedding? Seems you are going to have a lot more interaction down the road if things workout between the two of them.

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