Ugh irritated

Honestly that seems like very childish behavior on her part. Did your husband explain why you weren’t attending the communion. She would have to understand why you wanted to be their for yourself niece. There will be many more events that you won’t be able to attend together so she needs to get over it. I would have tour FH talk to her and straighten this out before it gets worse.

I’m not sure what others will say, but I personally would still attend your niece’s communion and let your FH go to his niece’s. Your FSIL is playing a manipulation card that I don’t play. “If you don’t go to this event, I’ll punish you by not attending yours!” Really? Is she 12? My response to her would be, “I’m sorry to hear you’ll be missing it” and leave it at that. Playing into it or making it a big deal will give her power and will ensure things like this keep happening. Be cordial and polite to her, but don’t feed into that emotionally manipulative drama. Adults that act like pre-teens aren’t worth your energy.

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He did explain why I wouldn't be able to make it. And my FH and I hate doing things apart we always try to do things together like this, so us doing things separately is not the norm but in this scenario it seemed like the best solution. She does this a lot and blows things like this out of proportion.

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Ugh she is actually almost 40 years old so I don't see why she needs to act like this. Right now my FH doesn't even want to go to his nieces communion and is talking about going with me but I think it will just make things worse so I'm trying to encourage him to go to his nieces. I told my FH from the beginning I don't do or go along with the being manipulated because I could see early on that is just how his sister is. And I put my foot down and said I don't play that type of game.

I'd say keep your plans to attend separately. She sounds ridiculous and there's no need to feed into it.

I agree with everyone else I think she’s being very childish. The decisions are up to you and your FH. I would attend them separately if that’s what you decided on and if she has a problem with it then that’s on her. Relationships and friendships go both ways the effort needs to be equal and if she’s not gonna put up her half then I would stop reaching out in wasting your energy. I know that’s hard and it sucks but she is the one that is in the wrong not you so you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it

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Yeah I'm not trying to beat myself up over this. It's just frustrating because my FH's family lives out of state and my parents really want to get to know his family. His dad is retired so that makes it a bit easier to get together with him. But his sister has never visited us and my mom would like to get to know her since my FH's mom passed away. But I'm not going to keep putting in this effort since she clearly doesn't want to.

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Exactly this. Sounds like she is doing you a favor by not attending your shower. This is on her, you have every right to attend your own family’s event. Don’t dwell on it, and leave it as it is. Giving her more attention is exactly what she wants.