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SOON.TO.BE..MRS.Johns
Devoted March 2014

they say they are happy for you. ..BUT...

SOON.TO.BE..MRS.Johns, on October 23, 2013 at 6:24 AM Posted in Planning 0 19
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Have any of you ladies been experiencing side ways smiles when you converse about your wedding plans? Do you have people that you knew beyond a doubt would be there for you but aren't coming through? How about friends/family who think your big day is about them and insist on pushing their opinions on you (but not a dime or a dollar. .lol)

19 Comments

  • SA Bride!
    Super November 2013
    SA Bride! ·
    • Flag

    I got very negative vibes from my sister and her wife. My maid of honour has not cared about anything other than what her dress is going to look like. I'm very disappointed in all of them. I've been friends with my MoH since we were like five years old, that's like 21 years. My wedding is next Friday and she hasn't asked once about a bachelorettes. Again, only chimed in about what colour she would prefer her dress to be and that's it. She isn't even taking the whole day off work to get her nails done with us.

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Dedicated October 2013
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    From about 80% of the people in my life....me and FH have paid for EVERYTHING...and i have PLANNED EVERYTHING myself, made everything myself, and it seems the people who are suppose to care only care when it's to criticize what i have done...well i don't like this...or i would have done that...and my MOH and been a major PILL the whole time....which really pisses me off because we have been friends 11years and i have ALWAYS been there for her....the only thing she has done is tried to control the few things she has been involved in....while i have enjoyed DIYing my wedding...i would never do it again for myself....definetely would have ELOPED to some tropical island...would have saved so much time, money and at the end of the day would still be married to the love of my life LOL!!!

    • Reply
  • OMW
    Master August 2013
    OMW ·
    • Flag

    I don't talk about it unless someone brings it up. At work, though, I found at that two co-workers and their spouses can't make it, which bums me out. They'll still get invitations, though.

    • Reply
  • KayDwitWill
    Master May 2015
    KayDwitWill ·
    • Flag

    We are planning and paying for everything so I try not to talk to family about it. None of them seems happy for us except FH mother. I think she is jusy waiting for me to ask for help before she gives it. I'm just waiting until we get closer to the date and back to planning to ask her (planning was put on hold due to the government shut down. We both are government employees). I think FH's sister wants to help but only to make herself look good so I won't be asking for her help. I won't be inviting any coworkers on mine and only 2-3 of his. We are trying to keep the guest list small and reduce as many unwanted opinions!

    • Reply
  • Mrs. A. Fernandez
    Master August 2014
    Mrs. A. Fernandez ·
    • Flag

    Sweetie, I have already been there and done that!! I learned that some people really don't mean what they say and then in order to remain happy and do me, I have to move on. As I said a while ago, I was hurt when two ladies that I had known for over 20years "Tried It", but, what can you do? You, be happy regardless, and do the most with it!

    • Reply
  • Niecy Sparkles
    VIP August 2014
    Niecy Sparkles ·
    • Flag

    Girl yes!!!! They are really disappointing to me. It's like no one cares about my big day. But I've learned one thing, and I learned this from WW. LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS. I was so bummed because I felt like my MOH wasn't doing enough and my bridesmaids were all in their own world. I lowered my expectations because if I expect less, when I don't get it, I won't be as bummed and upset. I started doing things myself and stop waiting in them to help me. Everything is better now.

    Lower your expectations. Keep trucking it girl. Just to keep your sanity.

    • Reply
  • CaitlinWife
    VIP November 2013
    CaitlinWife ·
    • Flag

    Since I've been married before, YEP. Even though my divorce was entirely 'scriptual' with a few added horrors thrown in, my entire family is kind of 'meh' about my wedding. Even though I eloped the first time. I guess I get it, but still. I'm just letting it go...

    • Reply
  • Jess08
    Super July 2013
    Jess08 ·
    • Flag

    Yep, my family wasn't all that interested in the wedding. They had the attitude of it's nothing special. People get married all the time. They didn't want to throw a rehearsal dinner or an engagement party despite that I really wanted one, so I never got it. A lot of my "friends" weren't there for me either or managed to make it about them; one skipped out on my bridal shower the day of to go to the pool with a boy instead. I'd say that after the wedding I definitely demoted people from good friends to "friends". Yeah, so when these people's finally get married, I don't see myself having enthusiasm for them.

    • Reply
  • Jillian
    Super September 2014
    Jillian ·
    • Flag

    My bridesmaid/best friend actually lost her mind on me yesterday. She's never met my fiance. Most likely due to the fact that we live FIFTEEN HOURS AWAY from her and my family. I haven't even seen my own family in 7 months! It's not like I have the funds available to fly him to each of my friends for an introduction. She went on a rampage to the tune of, "are you sure? is this what you want? I cry to my mom every day that I've never met him, do you know him as well as you think you do? It's my job to make sure you're happy, this has all happened so fast." WHAT? I'm sorry that you feel "so upset" that you haven't met him and "it's so hard" for you. I haven't even seen my own parents in half a year. AHH.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Pezz
    VIP September 2013
    Mrs. Pezz ·
    • Flag

    By the week of the wedding, my in-laws had some inside jokes related to the wedding, I think related to the seating chart, they are normally very nice and it made me mad but eventually I just brushed it off, I was marrying their son whether they liked it or not, haha. Nothing has been said to me since about it and I hope it stays that way.

    • Reply
  • Out the Window
    Master May 2014
    Out the Window ·
    • Flag

    I don't talk about my wedding unless someone asks and my answer is always very general and vague. EVERYONE will have an opinion on how YOU should conduct YOUR own wedding. Ridiculous. So the less they know, the less they have to retort back to me and the less I want to just knock them out.

    • Reply
  • Ashleigh
    Master November 2013
    Ashleigh ·
    • Flag

    Oh yes. I’ve been severely disappointed with my MOH and BMs. Out of 5, two went dress shopping with me once; none have helped with any of the DIY projects; my FMIL is throwing my shower, I had to arrange my bachelorette party, which NONE attended (only my mom, aunt and cousin came-I was really embarrassed and hurt). 3 waited too late to get their dresses, so we had to scramble and switch styles and colors-causing stress.
    I put in SO much for their weddings and have gotten practically nothing in return. Two of them, I actually planned and paid for their bachelorette parties. I attended all of their showers. I always wanted to elope to an island but decided I didn’t want to miss sharing this experience with my girls. Oh well. What I thought would be the best part of my wedding, turned out to be the worst. But enough of my sad story!
    Advice to brides: if you are on the fence about having a bridal party-skip it. As no one cares as much about your wedding as you do. As Niecy stated, “Lower your expectations.”

    • Reply
  • Jackie
    VIP July 2014
    Jackie ·
    • Flag

    I wish i had skipped the bridal party. i really do. I have five girls, one being my sister (who has not helped AT ALL, she went dress shopping with me once but thats it. No help planning or assembling or anything. She says she will plan the shower but we will see.) Two have been my best friends for 18 years, ive been there through thick and thin and now that i need them desperately, they are nowhere to be found. I know they have their problems (one recently miscarried and the other is newly engaged and newly prego) but this is the first time ive asked for anything. Kinda makes me mad. the other two havent spoken two words to me since agreeing to be a bridesmaid, one has been my friend since 9th grade and the other ive been friends with since first grade. My FH is the only person who helps with the wedding at all. They better not ask me for any help with their weddings, cuz they certainly wont get it

    • Reply
  • SOON.TO.BE..MRS.Johns
    Devoted March 2014
    SOON.TO.BE..MRS.Johns ·
    • Flag

    I am a government employee too. We kind of never stopped our planning because I knew it wouldn't last forever HOWEVER (lol) I didn't purchase anything or make any payments.

    • Reply
  • Candy
    Expert June 2014
    Candy ·
    • Flag

    So sorry to hear these things!!

    I feel kinda bad but I went the route Jackie is saying. No bridal party except for FH and me. Having a Disney wedding so, no DIY projects. We actually have friends that are asking for things to do and plan. I feel like there is so much more that I should be doing!

    • Reply
  • Just Dee
    Super May 2015
    Just Dee ·
    • Flag

    We tell our families at Thanksgiving, but I am trying to get all of the decision making done before then. We want to avoid as much outside input as possible.

    • Reply
  • PattyCakes
    Super June 2014
    PattyCakes ·
    • Flag

    My fh's family is beyond excited and they want us to have the wedding of our dreams and do what we want. They said they're just thrilled that we're getting married. Smiley smile

    My sister is a former event planner and is a little pushy with things. She hates my colors and tried to get me to change to lavender and something. I think she got the hint when I didn't budge. My best friend is 100% supportive and lets me have my giddy rants of excitement without getting annoyed.

    I'm starting to think my bridesmaidzilla is super jealous. Not about getting married, about the attention being on someone else.

    • Reply
  • kristen
    Devoted May 2014
    kristen ·
    • Flag

    I have this same problem, everyone on my FH side is very happy for us they are excited. but my family some care and some don't. So i don't talk about my wedding plans anymore unless some ask me about them.

    • Reply
  • Ab
    Master October 2011
    Ab ·
    • Flag

    Ohh everyone has an opinion when it is not their money being spent lol.It's amazing how much people want to demand how you spend your money. Just shrug it off or don't share wedding details.

    • Reply

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