Nicole
Beginner October 2021

Take bridesmaids shopping or let them go on the own?

Nicole, on March 14, 2019 at 7:02 AM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 31
Saved Save
Reply
So I have bridesmaids of all different body types, and they all have different styles the like. I want to be reapectful and ensure they feel their best on my wedding day. Should I give them guides like "here is a color pallet and the length of dress I would like" and then let then go shopping for themselves? Or do I set a day and go shopping with all of them? The other issue is they are all over the place so I feel like it would be hard to get them all in one spot to go shipping. Or is there a way I can go to Davids bridal get options and create a profile so that my bridesmaids can go on their own time to any David's bridal and look at what I like and try things on?

Thank you for all the help! I'm just not sure what to do!
Nicole

31 Comments

  • Tara
    Dedicated September 2019
    Tara ·
    • Flag
    Nicole,
    It honestly depends on what type of bride you are. I describe myself as traditional with a twist. Personally, I’ve never liked the matching bridesmaids dresses and also with how expensive weddings are I didn’t want them to spend a ton of money on dresses. I found pictures on Pinterest and just told them to find a dress that they like and just to send me a picture before they purchase. My bridal party are also all over the age of 28 so they know their body more than me. My dress is also very simple so I think it would turn out nicely with the different colors. Hope it helps!
    • Reply
  • L
    Dedicated May 2020
    Lauren ·
    • Flag
    I've been trying to figure out the same thing! I want to try to get them all together to go shopping because I think it would be fun and a great way to introduce those who don't know each other. But I am still letting them pick out their own dress as long as it's in the right color. So, if it doesn't work out where everyone can get together it won't be the end of the world. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Devin
    Super October 2019
    Devin ·
    • Flag
    Only my moh is local so we went to DB together to try on dresses. We decided what style looked best with my dress and verified that the color was what I wanted then went from there.
    • Reply
  • Kristin
    Super November 2019
    Kristin ·
    • Flag

    All of my girls were out of state except 1 (2 when we arranged the details) so I made appointments at a couple of different places the weekend after Christmas when I knew everyone would be in town for the holidays. It was a great experience and everyone got to meet each other. The 1 BM that didn't come I was honestly really mad at. I had just helped her move from WI to DC and basically fixed their entire house because her husband had already moved for work before they sold their house. We had planned the shopping trip like 2 months ahead of time and the week before she told me she didn't have the money to come... now mind you, she gets flights for dirt cheap cause her MIL works for the airline and once she was here she literally had to pay for NOTHING, on top of that they went and stayed at a fancy hotel for the F of it the following weekend.

    The girls that did come had narrowed it down to 2 dresses that looked great on all of them and was willing to do whatever I could to let them get the dress they wanted but it just didn't work out with who wanted what and what order combinations they would be standing in. Basically the 4 that came got the dress they wanted and the 5th got the dress I told her she would be wearing. MY FSIL (and BM) asked me if she was okay with the dress and I basically said "she wasn't there to try anything on so she doesn't get an opinion".

    I may not have handled it the best way but I was also really really upset about it so... eh.

    • Reply
  • Loren
    Dedicated October 2020
    Loren ·
    • Flag
    My friend Allie let us narrow it down to two dresses that we all agreed on and then she picked which one she liked!
    • Reply
  • Mrs. J Robinson
    Super March 2019
    Mrs. J Robinson ·
    • Flag
    I understand how hard it is to get everyone together...I have 8 bridesmaids but 5 of them live out of state. I prefer all of my bridesmaids to be in the same dress, but I had my 2 Maids of Honor come with me and we picked a dress together with everyone else in mind. The dresses that we liked we made sure were comfortable and available in all sizes too. All the girls LOOOOOVE the dresses we picked so I have no complaints
    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Dedicated May 2019
    Jessica ·
    • Flag
    I made two separate appointments for my bridesmaids and i to all go to davids bridal. I had already told them all in advance that I was letting them all pick their own dresses, they all just had to be floor length and in the color petal. That was my original plan. My first appointment was with 3 of the 8 bridesmaids, and they all reallyyyy liked the floral lace style dresses (the floral lace on top and a mesh skirt). They have like 10 different styles of that specific kind of dress! So i ended up deciding that I would still let them pick whatever dress they wanted, but it just had to be with the lace style. It worked out perfectly. A few of my girls seemed incredibly overwhelmed at the first appointment trying to pick out a dress. Some people want more direction. Others can just look and pick what they like no problem. I suggest trying to narrow it down, or helping any bridesmaids that feel like that. But i would absolutely suggest going with them or at least sending them ideas of what you would like/prefer for the wedding. I went with all my girls and i think it was great, and going as a group can be a tad bit overwhelming if you have a large bridal party like i do (7 bridesmaids and 2 jr bridesmaids) but it would be so nice to go all together to see how everything looks together!
    • Reply
  • N
    Dedicated November 2019
    Nita ·
    • Flag
    Personally I always have a ton of fun dress shopping either friends so I love it (even if we’re all wearing different dresses which I VERY MUCH prefer).

    I would set a day to go shopping with them but make it optional. Anyone that wants to shop as a group can come. Give anyone who can’t make it or prefers to shop alone the color/fabric and let them go on their own
    • Reply
  • Mo
    Devoted September 2019
    Mo ·
    • Flag
    I gave my bridesmaids color, material, and length requirements and sent them on their way. I shopped with my MOHs to get an in-person picture of what I liked and gave that info to the rest of the party since I couldn’t get them all together for one trip. I also gave them a list of dresses that fit my criteria but they didn’t necessarily have to choose those. They send me photos of what they choose for final approval and it’s worked out fine.
    If you’re party is all over the place you can make an online showroom of dresses you like at Bella Bridesmaids and have them go to one of their stores (in most major cities).
    • Reply
  • Futuremrsv
    Super October 2020
    Futuremrsv ·
    • Flag
    On David's bridals website you can make a favorites list of the dresses you like. I'm planning on telling my bridesmaids the color and length I want and asking if there Is a day I can go with them, if not they can go alone. If you have specific dresses you want them to choose from then I would make the favorites list so that when they go to David's bridal they can tell the worker your name and email address and they can print out the favorites list
    • Reply
  • M
    Super June 2019
    Mary ·
    • Flag
    I told them the color and the length. Other than that idc about it. This way they can decide price and style. I wanted them to be comfortable and to have a dress they would wear again.
    • Reply
  • Melissa
    VIP September 2019
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    Do you want them to just go with same color different dresses? I wanted all my girls in the same dress and different colors so we managed to all go together and found a simple dress that everyone liked and my fit well in. And that way I could see everyone in the colors I was thinking of so that I could decide who goes where in the lineup. If you don’t have a preference of dress, just give them your guidelines (color, length and neckline preference - I preferred nobody in strapless so added that as a criteria) and let them choose.
    • Reply
  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
    • Flag

    For my bridesmaids, I coordinated with everyone until we were able to pick a date that worked for us all to go together to try on dresses. I knew the color, but that was about it. They tried on several dresses, until we were finally able to all agree on one. I was originally going to let them wear different styles (same color, length, fabric), but I kept having 2-3 pick the same dress and it didn't look right (especially because two of them are jr's).

    For you, it really depends on your crowd. I would ask them what they want. Send a group text saying something like "hey, the time to decide bridesmaid dresses is approaching so I was wondering which y'all preferred: 1) we make an appointment and all go together, or 2) I give y'all guidelines and y'all go on your own." Then go from there.

    • Reply
  • Summerbride77
    VIP July 2019
    Summerbride77 ·
    • Flag
    I went to DB with my FH and mom. We looked at colors and fabrics, tried some things on for reference and sent pic to the bridesmaids. Them I put together a Google doc with guidelines and let them pic any thing they wanted that fit the guidelines.
    • Reply
  • Sara
    Super October 2019
    Sara ·
    • Flag

    My bridesmaids are in three separate states, so they're going to get dresses from azazie.com. I'm giving them a color and length preference, and letting them run with it. My MOH created a group through Azazie, and they'll all order on the same day to make sure the dresses are in the same dye lot. They're all starting to put dresses they like into the group page to make sure that I'm ok with them (all good so far!) and that no one else is going to pick the same dress. Seems good so far!

    • Reply
  • Kim
    Beginner October 2019
    Kim ·
    • Flag

    Hi Nicole!

    I have a similar situation with my bridesmaids. You may be able to do that with David's Bridal but if not there are a few websites that you can use. I am using Azazie for my bridesmaids. I was super nervous to buy online but I have multiple friends who have loved their experience. I choose the color(they have like 70!), material, and length and set up a showroom they can add their favorites to. I wanted them to have a top that they are most comfortable with. If they decide to have it altered by Azazie or try on sample sizes is up to them. I just asked them to show me the dress first. There are a few on the site that I hate haha. If they order at the same time with the showroom number they should all be made in the same batch. Hope that helps!

    • Reply
  • F
    Expert May 2019
    FutureMrs.S ·
    • Flag
    We had decided to go dress shopping together even though I didn't want to pick a dress the girls wouldn't like and only picked color and suggested length. We made a weekend of it since we don't get to spend a lot of time together after college graduation.

    I would say offer an option for your girls to get together if they would like to. Otherwise send them some options that you're okay with for dresses or what sort of styles you are looking towards for your girls.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Bridesmaid dresses come in in 6 weeks to 10 mostly, occasionally 12. Your wedding on profile is not til November 2019. No need at all for any bridesmaid to order more than 4 months out. And though you know she had all the expenses of moving to a very expensive area, You were mad at Her for not paying for a flight, which even dirt cheap, with getting to and from airport, meals , baggage fees and taxes is $200 or more...like paying double the dress price, once the dress, once coming and going shopping? There is absolutely no need for anyone to buy earlier than July 1. If some want to, fine. But to be mad at someone who does not spend twice what she needs to spend, more than 4 months earlier than is necessary, knowing she has had all this extra expense, including double rent while husband moved ahead of her, is absolutely outrageous. I would be ashamed to tell anyone I got mad at a friend for something where I was so out of line as you are. . . For other brides, first, understand that when you ask someone to be in your wedding, they likely count back in their head: well known fact, dresses for BM come in quickly. No need to order before 4 months out, and places like Davids, 3 months before the wedding. So if the woman thinks she can afford the dress 4 months before the wedding, she says, yes to being a BM. Brides who then make up shopping deadlines at 9-8-7-6-5 months out, are the ones being unreasonable. Treat your BM with respect, like adults who have been dressing and shopping for themselves for years, and who will get it before needed, 3-4 months out. That way they are more likely to need no alterations besides hemming, a 2- day to a week thing. Where dresses bought 6-9 months out often need extensive alterations due to size change, due to weight change or pregnancy, be for the wedding, for at least 1 person. Second, if some buy early, the dress may not be available for others at the usual time. All should shop 6 months or less. Third, most dresses have a model number and maker. Even if you do not go to a chain, you can pick out a Jasmine or BariJay #34567 or whatever, and a person 500 miles away can look for salons that carry that dress line, call to see about trying on that dress number. Give them a week to get one from their distribution center, or call other salons. Last, since it is nobody's business, including a bride's to monitor other adult's spending, it is totally self involved for a bride to say, well she should have flown to see me and buy a dress, instead of spending a weekend in a hotel with her husband...?? Like your wedding 8 months from now is everyone's biggest life priority? Like her husband has no say in how they spend their joint funds, and spending $300-400 months and months early, on a BM dress, is more important than a weekend for them? . . . Brides who treat their bridesmaids well, respecting them as adults, with no getting mad over their not jumping when told jump, end up still being long term friends after the wedding.
    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    I told them any Azazie dress that is sky blue, chiffon & long length. So they had around 100 options. They seemed to prefer this & it was easy to order online.

    • Reply
  • Kristin
    Super November 2019
    Kristin ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Wow...gotta love keyboard warriors...

    1) No one bought the dress, I knew it was the only time we would be able to get together and I enjoy being prepared for when the time did come to actually get the dresses. The dress we chose is also part of the spring 2019 collections so guess what, it will still be available come June - which is when the salon told us to order...yeah, I have my ducks in a row despite what you might think. I was also unsure about the aesthetic of mismatched dress so, no, I didn't feel comfortable saying go pick whatever you want and I won't apologize for that. Beyond that, the 4 that were there, liked both dresses but had a preference one way or the other. I did what I could to let each of them get their preferred of the 2 (which were very close in style with only a few different details) but in the end, no matter how I sliced it, 1 was going to end up in the dress they didn't prefer. I decided it would be her since she hadn't tried either of them on didn't feel as strongly either way as the rest of the girls did.

    2) My irritation with the fact she didn't come was more with that we had planned this 2 months ahead of time and she tells me 3 days before hand when I reached out to her. A dirt cheap flight for her is actually more like $50.00 (which I offered to pay her back for) since her mom works for the airline and shes made that flight many times, she has 2 sisters (1 who doesn't work) and a husband who could have made the 15 minute drive to drop her off, I had planned on picking her up and dropping her off on my end, and I had already told her she could stay with me and I would cover any of her expenses while here... so please, tell me again how it would cost her 2x the cost of the dress that no one was buying yet.

    Not to mention that I had just drove a 27ft moving truck half way across the country, was the only one to help pack or unpack anything despite family being close on both ends because they would rather "take a quick nap", paid for all of the food all 3 of us ate while there, paid for my fight back, and fixed up her house (including but not limited to painting, plumbing, fixture repairs, cleaning etc) so yeah...I'm well aware of what things cost.

    I do a lot for other people so when there is a well established plan in place it hurts a little when someone blows you off. Have I held it against her? no. Did she get "stuck" with the dress she didn't prefer? Maybe, but since she won't be trying the other one on, who knows. Plus, it's 1 night, as an adult, you suck it up and wear it. Are we still friends? Yeah, we are, because despite how much that hurt I never made her feel bad about it, never even brought it up other than to say I wish she was here. Yeah, it sucked when I turned around and saw her at a fancy hotel the week after for no reason other than to be out of the house when her reason for not coming (on a trip I had already offered to cover expenses on) was money but I never said she couldn't go and I still have a right to feel hurt by it.

    Take a step down from your high horse. You don't have to agree with me but I never asked for your opinion on the matter. I was explaining what I went through to the OP to give her some insight on options and what could happen. Good luck with...whatever it is that's got your panties in a bunch.

    • Reply

Comment on this discussion

×