Master September 2013

OK to request BM's to not wear heels?

M2H, on March 15, 2013 at 4:36 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 38
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Do you think it's too much to ask them ALL to wear flats only. I have 3 BM's and my MOH. Moh and 2 BM's don't wear heels and if they do they are very uncomfortable in them. The final BM pretty much sleeps in heels but they are usually pretty gaudy and over the top .

I definitely want them to be comfortable and i don't want to be the shortest one lol

Do you think it's a big deal?


  • Rachel
    Super March 2014
    Rachel ·

    I will be the shortest at my wedding. I am only 4'9". All my bridesmaids tower over me. Why not let them all wear what they want? I know its hard, I am OCD about perfection but I am going to try to let the bridesmaids were whatever shoes they want.

  • bittsey
    Super July 2013
    bittsey ·

    No - I don't think it's a big deal at all.

  • J
    VIP June 2013
    Jenn ·

    I don't think it's a big deal at all, YOU'RE the bride! Are they all buying the same? Or are you letting them pick their own?

  • Mrs. B
    Super June 2013
    Mrs. B ·

    I'm having a "shoe problem" as well... most girls love heels and are ok.. others dont or can't bc they'd be WAY to tall... i'm just going to give the girls a color swatch i think and say get what you want!

    i would just tell them what kind of shoes you want them to wear... flats, wedges, whatever. don't give them the option, it's not a big deal at all.

  • PurpleSun
    Master September 2013
    PurpleSun ·

    I don't think its a big deal.... A lot of brides ask their BM to be totally uniform, so asking for flats isn't a huge request at all.

  • Lady Firefly
    Master October 2014
    Lady Firefly ·

    I am going to be completely honest here. I hate flats unless its boots or flip flops. I would honor your request but would hate it with a smile

  • HRH Mags
    Master March 2014
    HRH Mags ·

    It's really not that big of a deal..I have a friend request I not wear heels as her BM because she was short and I'm 5'9. While I prefer heels with a dress it was her call. There are bigger fish to fry, if someone has an issue with it they can get over it lol.

  • Abbey Deneen
    August 2019
    Abbey Deneen ·

    A lot of brides ask their BMs to be uniform at least in shoe height for picture purposes. You can always pick out 3 shoe options from them to choose from (all flat but your giving them options). Or you can ask them to all wear uniform flats for the ceremony & pictures and tell them they can wear whatever they want during the reception.

  • krisalicious
    Master April 2012
    krisalicious ·

    I'm with Moria on this one. I would hate that request. I will never understand when brides try to dictate what BMs wear on their feet. Not that you have to be okay with someone showing up in gaudy stripper platforms, you can give guidelines about the color/style/etc, but I would never dictate a heel or flat height to a group of women who all have different feet and comfort levels. Personally, I am horribly uncomfortable in flats, even pregnant. I would be kind of miserable standing around in them all day.

    I'm 4'11", and my tallest BM was 5'9"......if she had worn flats she still would have towered over me. It's just reality of life, people come in different shapes and sizes. Any decent photographer will be pose you guys thoughtfully and you will not look like a hobbit, I promise.

  • Mrs. Noble
    Super June 2013
    Mrs. Noble ·

    I'm telling mine to all wear converse sneakers! They all think it is awesome, all except for one of them- who keeps saying she is going to wear heels! I'm hoping that she is playing along and will actually wear the converse!

  • Celia Milton
    August 2019
    Celia Milton ·

    Let them wear what they want. They'll all be out of them four minutes after the ceremony anyway.

  • L
    Super July 2014
    Linnea ·

    That sounds like a pretty reasonable request. As long as she wouldn't have to go out and buy a pair of flats just for your wedding, I can't imagine that being a problem. I would tell the BM who loves heels that she's welcome to change into heels for the reception though so that she's still comfortable dancing.

  • M2H
    Master September 2013
    M2H ·

    Lol Moria i like that answer.

    @Amy that's a good suggestion i never considered that.

    @krisalicious thats a super cute photo! My FH is my exact height so i'll probably be taller than him with my heels along with everyone else.

    I wouldn't be forcing them to buy anything specific, just designate a color. I just don't want the stripper heels to stand out since they will be wearing knee length dresses and i KNOW that the rest will be wearing flats or jsut a litle 1/2 inch heel. The stripper heel BM is an inheritance baby so she can buy whatever she wants at a drop of a hat, i'mnot concerned with her complaining about that she has no reason to.

  • Glorianna
    Devoted April 2013
    Glorianna ·

    Eh.... well for the reasons you're giving it's not a bad request however, personally I don't like flats. I think they look pretty odd at a wedding, and most girls prefer to look more dressy on that day. Then again it's not my wedding we're talking about, so go with your gut, but I would just make sure the bridesmaids feel beautiful in what they are required to wear

  • M2H
    Master September 2013
    M2H ·

    Yeah it's not like she's never worn flats before and they'l be in 50's style summery dresses so they'll still look cute. I wouldn't want to ugly them up or anything lol.

    Thanks ladies I wasn't sure if it would be an unheard of request. I'll probably talk to them about it and go from there. Hopefully there can be a compromise

  • Ab
    Master October 2011
    Ab ·

    I agree with Kris/similar comments..Let them be individuals as much as possible! But at least you aren't requiring them to wear high heels when some may be uncomfortable. You don't want BM's taking a tumble down the aisle lol.

  • Alisa S.
    VIP April 2013
    Alisa S. ·

    I'll be honest, I never, and I mean NEVER wear flats. I wear heels so much that my legs/feet hurt if I am in flats (sneakers) for too long. Unless heels were going to make me tower over the bride (unlikely, as I am 5'2'), I would really push for heels...to the point of dropping out if not able to wear them with a dress.

  • Mrs. C
    VIP September 2013
    Mrs. C ·

    I see this two ways. It's your wedding, and you can do whatever you want. If you want them to all wear the same shoe, there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing. Or you can let them wear what they want. I'm letting my girls wear whatever size heel they want as long as they are all the same color. So, we'll have different shoes, same color. I think it's up to what you want, and what you are comfortable with.

  • krisalicious
    Master April 2012
    krisalicious ·


    But lol what does her trust fund have to do with the comfort of her feet?

    Seriously.....if you're not into flats, like Alisa said, they can be REALLY seriously uncomfortable. I immediately get shin splints and puffy knees and back pain when I wear flats, and I turn into klutzy klutzerson. I'd be more likely to trip down the aisle in Toms or Converse than in platforms. It's exactly the same thing as forcing someone who ALWAYS wears flats to wear heels, just reverse. Just trying to explain - flats aren't always more comfortable for people.

    If anything I would just ask them all to keep it 2" or lower, if you're really feeling adamant about it. It's not like it has to be FLATS or STRIPPER heels, there's definitely some grey area in between.

  • D
    Master May 2014
    D ·

    I would feel like I was 12 years old in flats. I think asking for a small heel is better.

    Ladies look nice in heels with a dress...flats not so much.

    I laugh because if I asked my one girls to wear flats she would laugh her ass off....she LOVES her heels and I love her for wearing her heels.

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