NM&GD
Savvy February 2021

Mother of The Bride

NM&GD, on November 15, 2019 at 10:03 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10
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Alright, I am already running into a massive issue now and I JUST got engaged....my mom wants to make the day about how she wants it to be. Mind you, my mom and I are incredibly close. I have been mistaken as her sister on several occasions and on occasion twins. We love the same things, but one thing we do not agree on is how things are done. Her and my dad had a rather fast wedding or a shotgun wedding so to say. It was a pot luck in a fire house and that is okay. I remember when I was younger going through and watching the ceremony and reception on VHS. However, I was discussing budget with her and she immediately went on social media bashing me about my choices on where and when to have a wedding pricing wise and that is should be about the marriage and not the price. First off, they are not paying for anything (which is perfectly fine I planned on having to pay for the reception anyways) so do they even have a say? Second, things are 10x different from when they had gotten married. I told her that the starting price or budget normally is around 30,000 and I flat up told her that I wasn't going to do that and I was going to try and lower it and it's as if she completely ignored the fact that I was attempting to lower it. Third, yes I do respect her opinion but to broadcast it the harsh way she did...I'm now kinda worried about even talking to her about anything now for the fact that she blew up the way she did about budgeting. I love my mom to death. She's been there for me, but ever since I moved things have been dramatically different. I don't know what to do...any suggestions...

10 Comments

  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I would stop discussing budget and wedding plans with her. She's not paying, I'm not sure why she needs to know what your budget is anyway. The less she knows, the less she has to complain about. I would, however, have a talk with her about how childish it is to make petty social media posts about you and how you're an adult who deserves to be treated with respect. If she's not capable of that, perhaps you should reconsider how close your relationship needs to be.

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  • Sabrina
    Devoted April 2020
    Sabrina ·
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    I would have a discussion with her and set some boundaries. Let her know how this one thing has affected you and the position you will start to take if things continue this way. Nip it in the bud now cause 13 months is a long time to deal with such nonsense.

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  • DitchingDiaz
    Dedicated November 2020
    DitchingDiaz ·
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    I would tell her that you are extremely hurt by her actions. I would also mention that you want to share this experience with her, but if she continues to publicize disagreements between you two, you will simply have to leave her out. It may sound harsh-but ask her what she prefers and see how fast she keeps quiet.

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  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
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    Tell her frankly that she needs to tone it down or you will have to exclude her from future planning.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    I would first address the social media blast. Since you’re close maybe something like, “Mom, it really hurt my feelings that not only are you sharing my wedding details on social media, you slammed my decisions. Please don’t do that. That’s really hurtful.” See what she says. I would stop sharing some details anyway since she’s already showing herself to be a meddling mom.


    No, she absolutely does not a say if she’s not paying. Good that you guys are paying for it on your own!
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  • Alyssa
    Expert June 2020
    Alyssa ·
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    No pay, no say. Include her if that's important to you, but don't let her bring you down by any means. Stick up for what you want-it's YOUR wedding.

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  • NM&GD
    Savvy February 2021
    NM&GD ·
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    So, I have talked to my mom regarding the post. She has removed it. But I put my foot down. I asked if they are paying for anything and they said no. I told them if that is the case they have no say in what or how much the wedding is. She would still like me to shoot off ideas to her which don't get me wrong, I am okay with, but I told her I won't tolerate drama. She said that she will voice her opinion, but I told her at the end of the day it is mine and my FH say not theirs.

    We'll see what happens from here....

    TBC

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  • NM&GD
    Savvy February 2021
    NM&GD ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    So, I have talked to my mom regarding the post. She has removed it. But I put my foot down. I asked if they are paying for anything and they said no. I told them if that is the case they have no say in what or how much the wedding is. She would still like me to shoot off ideas to her which don't get me wrong, I am okay with, but I told her I won't tolerate drama. She said that she will voice her opinion, but I told her at the end of the day it is mine and my FH say not theirs.

    We'll see what happens from here....

    TBC

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  • J
    Super April 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    I agree with this 100%. Don't involve her in things like this, because it is frankly none of her business. This will help you keep your sanity and keep your mom from being immature about all of your choices on social media (btw, I am sorry sorry she did that. Who would say stuff on social like that about their own child and think that you would be okay with that?)

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    For starters set a ground rule. In any relationship ship, it is a nasty, viscious thing to deliberately air your differences in public, or on social media. And you need to tell her that. And for at least a few months, tell her NOTHING about the wedding. Tell her what she did was so awful and mean, you do not trust her. Down the road, when all the major things are in place, you can start to open up, or not. You need to set the boundaries for your relationship with her, so you can establish your own family with your new spouse. This wedding is about you and FI agreeing on the terms, like budget, formality, nature of party. And why she did is hugely, publicly disrespectful of you and FI as a couple. It is not her decision to make. The location and money you spend on a house will not be her choice. When or if you have children, will not be her choice. The kind of work, job locations, religious observances, where and how you spend money, have holiday visits, or go on vacation, all your choices as a couple and not even slight hers. Or FMIL. Stop this now, or pay for it your whole married life.
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