Beginner November 2019

Maid Of Honor

Danielle, on March 10, 2019 at 9:38 PM Posted in Planning 0 25
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How do I explain to my maid of honor what she needs to do? This is her first time ever being in a wedding. I dont want to be rude but it’s things i feel she should be responsible for


  • F
    Devoted June 2019
    F ·
    One thing you could do is pull a MOH responsibility list from online and share it with her.

    You could also sit her down and see what she thinks her role is and then tell her what you see as her role.
  • Native Dancer
    Dedicated July 2019
    Native Dancer ·
    In my own opinion, the maid of honor and bridesmaids shouldn’t have responsibilities or any placed on them. Their responsibility is being there for you on your special day (standing happily next to you) and supporting you in that manner. The wedding planning, except for maybe the bachelorette party and bridal shower of course, should be done by the bride and groom. Again, that’s just how I feel about it, sorry if I’m not of much help!
  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
    View Quoted Comment
    This 100x.
  • Mandi
    VIP May 2016
    Mandi ·
    You and your future spouse are the only ones who are “responsible for” anything regarding your wedding. Your MOH and BMs are only required to show up on time in the requested attire. Now, if they were to offer to assist you with any part of the planning process or to throw pre-wedding events (which many often do), you can absolutely take them up on their offer!
  • KitandKaboodle
    Master November 2016
    KitandKaboodle ·

    Her only responsibility is to be on time for the wedding and be supportive of you for your day. If she chooses to host a bridal shower and/or bachelorette party, if she's financially able, that's solely up to her.

  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes I agree. Just hint that you would like a bachelorette and bridal shower.
  • Nemo
    VIP August 2018
    Nemo ·
    What do you think she needs to be responsible for...?
  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    No one is responsible for anything besides you and your FS. Your MOH needs to buy her dress and show up. That’s it.
  • Y
    Savvy March 2020
    Yachita ·
    I hate when this subject comes up because so many tell you that the maid of honor and bridesmaid job is to show up on time and stand next to you in the dress that’s chosen. But to me I think being asked to be a maid of honor is special and yes a job. My maid of honor helps with ideas for decor and helps to put them together. Going to food tastings and dress shopping. And so much more. She even helps with finding vendors I might like. I think you should talk to her one on one and see what she is willing to help you with and what you would like her to do as maid of honor.
  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Doesn’t your FS do that? Other then dress shopping. My Guy has helped with it all.
  • Adrianna
    Devoted June 2020
    Adrianna ·

    There are cute MOH books you can find on amazon to give her

  • Fwbride
    Super July 2019
    Fwbride ·
    All these comments are so dry. Yes, the bare minimum is buying their dress and showing up on time for the wedding. But that to me isn’t even how my friendships work. If I had a birthday party I was planning my best friend would be helping me plan and vice versa. She’s my MOH and honestly I couldn’t ask for a better one! She’s helped with planning, is throwing me a costume bridal shower, helped plan a destination bachelorette, went dress shopping with me. She hasn’t missed a single thing and she has three young kids no older than 6 and works like 50hrs a week.

    If your friend is the type who steps up and goes above and beyond then I see no harm in sitting down with her and voicing your expectations and hearing her out on what she would like to contribute. Yes people have their own lives but they also make time for the things that are important to them. Only thing I would say is you can’t tell her she “has” to do these things but there is no harm in asking if she would like to do these things for you.
  • Halea
    Dedicated November 2019
    Halea ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I love this!!!! I'm reading these to my MOH and she is mind blowing that people really say that. She says that as a maid of honor her job is to make my day as way as possible with as little stress as possible. And to throw great parties to celebrate.... Now I don't think she is obligated to do any of it. But personally I wouldnt be someone's MOH if I was only going to do the bare minimum for them.
  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I am sure mine are giving me parties. But what is the FS job? I guess I always felt like it was the couple’s job to plan a wedding.
  • Halea
    Dedicated November 2019
    Halea ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I guess I'm super lucky and have a best friend and a FH that are both super involved. Because most FH from what I have seen dont do a lot of planning. My MOH, FH and have done almost all the planning together, oh and my 7 year old son and 7 year old sister help a lot too. Just because your MOH helps doesn't mean your FH isn't.
  • S
    Devoted April 2021
    Soon2BMrsR ·
    I’ve seen MOHs do some amazing things and I’ve also seen them fall short.

    I think of my MOH as a wingman/wing woman. She and sometimes he is the person who is responsible, when there is too much for you to do alone by yourself, they show up at your wedding in uniform(usually early), check in with the other side of the aisle, might help you get into your attire, hold your stuff while you’re taking pictures, hold on to your wedding rings so your ring bearer doesn’t swallow them(if the BM doesn’t want the responsibility), use their wit and humor to disarm awkward moments and soothe any ruffled feathers a coordinate with the BM on what other ways they can help.

    Most everything else is custom not mandatory: like bridal showers, venue decoration, bachelorette parties, keeping an eye on your topsy-turvy wedding cake so it doesn’t go turvy, making sure your shady distant cousin doesn’t walk off with the card box, making sure his 8 year-old brother doesn’t go free-for-all on your champagne fountain(no one I know has these anymore, but my FFIL got as drunk as a skunk when he was a kid at his sister’s wedding after several trips to the fountain—this was in the 50s), helping bustle your gown, catching you when you almost slip, hit your head and fall face first in the toilet, nearly drowning, and holding your hair back when you’re hurling your brains out because you didn’t know your stomach can’t handle fried rock shrimp, wedding cake and wine all at the same time.

    The final paragraph was meant to be humorous.
  • Phelicia
    Devoted September 2019
    Phelicia ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you!! My MOH has done all these and some. I dont understand the just buy a dress and show up comments.
  • Y
    Savvy March 2020
    Yachita ·
    Yes he helps ALOT he is very excited. Me and my maid of honor have been friends for over 15 years and have talked about the things we would help each other with when we got married. She doesn’t go over board with helping. She will tag me in a some makeup artist pages on Instagram and ask for their prices for me things like that.
  • Cynthia's and Robert  Wedding Day
    VIP September 2020
    Cynthia's and Robert Wedding Day ·
    I think it depends on the relationship you share with these individual. Some people are just natural helpers. I have two MOH and a Maid of Honor. One MOH is ott however she has made it clear the candy bar is hers. And the other MOH has been in a coordinator role but that is her personality by nature. And my Maid of Honor has been very helpful always thinking she is not doing enough. Eventhough it may not be the norm or expected, however it is greatly appreciated.
  • Porterpoppin
    VIP March 2019
    Porterpoppin ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree! While my maid of honor hasn’t really helped me plan my wedding ( I did best by myself with this lol) she really enjoys her role and asks for tasks. She loved planning my bridal shower, she likes communicating with the girls for me, she’s setting up our bridal suite the day of with a mimosa bar, she’s gone to a wedding show with me and to one of my dress fittings so she could learn how to bustle my dress. It’s the little things that count, she always offers to come up help put centerpieces together but I normally get those things done late at night while my kids are sleeping lol

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