Ellary
Beginner July 2019

Last name change

Ellary, on December 6, 2018 at 3:49 PM Posted in Married Life 0 48
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I am so saddened by the thought of changing my last name... It’s not that I don’t love my fiancé or his last name, there’s just a lot of sentimental value in my current last name. I was adopted by my (adoptive father) and he gave me his last name, it’s really something I treasure, but is it bad to keep my last name??

48 Comments

  • Mackenzie
    Just Said Yes December 2018
    Mackenzie ·
    Would you be interested in taking your maiden name as your middle name?
  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra Online ·
    I dont think so. A lot of women keep their last names, be it for sentimental, professional, or other reasons. It's a personal choice, but I would talk it over with FH. You could always hyphenate too!

    My FH has said he wouldn't be offended or upset if I kept my last name. It doesnt flow the same as my last name, but I'll happily take it!
  • Denise
    Devoted May 2019
    Denise ·
    Nope. I’m keeping mine. It’s the name on my college degrees and my professional accreditations. I don’t care if other people want to use my married name socially. I wouldn’t correct you if you sent a Christmas card to Doug and Denise Hislastname, but I’m not formally changing it.
  • Realynn
    Expert September 2019
    Realynn ·

    I don't plan on changing my last name.

    If it's that sentimental to you then you shouldn't have to just because that's how it's traditionally done. Also makes sense in terms of not having to change your name in many documents and whatnot

  • Ellary
    Beginner July 2019
    Ellary ·
    I spoke with him about if it would hurt his feelings or upset him, he said no, either way I feel like I’ll feel guilty, wether I take his last name or not, regardless of him saying his feelings won’t be hurt
  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
    Nope! Lots of people do. I think changing your name is a super personal decision and it sounds like you already know which way you want to go. Like a PP mentioned there are some options when taking a new name including making your current name a middle name or hyphenating both. If you did decide to take a new name (not that you should feel like you need to) you could still keep your maiden in some form.
  • T
    Dedicated March 2020
    Tamsin ·
    Lots of people don’t change their name. It isn’t exactly uncommon.
    I will not be changing my name (I’ve never even considered it) and FH doesn’t care. (Our mothers never changed their names either)

    Not changing your name upon marriage isn’t an indication that you love your spouse any less than someone who does change it
  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·

    My mom uses her maiden name as her middle name. She was actually pretty disappointed that I didn't do that but my maiden name is really long and one that I was glad to get rid of.

  • Kristen
    VIP August 2018
    Kristen ·
    You can totally keep your name, especially if you guys already talked about it and he is ok with it.
    I haven't changed my last name yet - mainly due to lack of time / laziness lol but my husband really does not feel particularly strong about me changing my name either so there is no rush. It doesn't make us less married.
    You have to do what's right for you. If you want to keep you name, go for it. If you think you'll feel guilty then a nice compromise would be to make your current last name your middle name, and then take FHs name as your new last. That is what I plan to do if I ever get around to it!
  • FutureMrsD
    Rockstar July 2019
    FutureMrsD ·

    It's something only you and your fiance can decide. I want my husband, children and me to have the same last name. You could always hyphen your last name, or change your middle name to your maiden last name too.

  • Christine
    Devoted September 2020
    Christine ·

    Definitely not bad to keep your last name. My fiance and I are both keeping ours and are planning to hyphenate our kids' last names. It's incredibly common for people to keep their maiden names and there's no reason to change your last name unless you really want to!

  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·

    I love my last name, and when I brought it up to FH the thought of me keeping my maiden name upset him, though its definitely my choice. I would never hyphenate or make my last name my middle name because FH and I have very similar last names and they'd sound funny.

    To us, marriage is about becoming one unit and becoming a family. We want our last names and our childrens last names to be the same for religious reasons and other personal reasons. A friend of mines mom had a different last name than her and she always had trouble with the school system picking her child up and other small inconveniences like that.

    Just our personal choice, but having the same last name is super meaningful to us, and changing my name in no way takes away my degrees, or the successes I've achieved for myself. I'm still myself with the same thoughts/beliefs/accomplishments no matter what the name on my license is.

  • mrsanda
    VIP March 2017
    mrsanda ·
    My husband told me to do whatever I wanted with my name. I love my dad and have so much respect for him, and he only has girls so that was a bit sad for me. However when I thought about having a different last name than my children I wouldn’t want that for either of us.
    One thing that I thought was my parents chose my first and my middle name especially for me. My dad didn’t get to chose his last name it was just given to us so it’s not as as special as the names they chose for me.
    Hope this makes sense and helps!
  • AQuixoticBride
    VIP July 2018
    AQuixoticBride ·

    I don't see what would be bad or what you'd have to feel guilty about. In my social circle, it is less common for women to take their husband's names than it is for both partners to hyphenate their names or for no one to change their names. I didn't change mine. That doesn't have anything to do with me loving my husband or vice versa.

    Your FH could change his name to yours or you could both hyphenate if you want to have the same last name. There's no hard rule that the woman has to be the one to change.

  • Pamela
    Devoted January 2019
    Pamela ·

    I have a group of about 8 sorority sisters that I'm close with, 6/8 are married and of those 6, 3 did not change their last name.

  • Christine
    Devoted September 2020
    Christine ·
    View Quoted Comment

    Yes, thank you! We shouldn't always assume that the woman in a hetero relationship has to be the one to change her name if the couple wants the same last name. My fiance always jokes about changing his last name to mine, but we're both established in our career (we're both lawyers) and so neither of us are changing names.

  • M
    0000
    Mim ·
    FWIW you don't have to make a decision right away. I was married for years before I changed mine.
  • Lakota
    Savvy May 2020
    Lakota ·

    I think this is a very personal decision that only you can decide, especially if your FH doesn't mind. You have such a special reason to keep your maiden name. I also will be keeping my maiden name. I am Native American, with a Native American last name. My heritage means a lot to me and don't want a traditional Native American name to die out. If you decide to take his name, you still have the option of hyphenating or making your maiden name your new middle name. Ultimately, follow your heart (cheesy, I know) and do what you think is best. I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.

  • PurdyAikey
    Super January 2019
    PurdyAikey ·

    I don't have the same reasoning as you, but I am very attached to my last name. I mean I have had it for 30 years!!! I have a Bachelors and Masters degree with that name on it! I worked very hard and did those things on my own, and I feel very sad to change my name. FH last name is Aikey and mine is Purdy... They are both real words, so it makes the decision really difficult to hyphenate... I have it as my UN here to try and get used to it, but it hasn't helped! I go by my middle name, so for me middle-maiden only complicates things! The struggle is real! I see-saw about the idea. Right now I am on the I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE MY NAME side,

  • 2d Bride
    Master October 2009
    2d Bride ·

    Of course it's not bad! Men every day get married and keep their last names, and no one see them as bad, selfish, not committed to the marriage, etc. No one expects a man even to consult with his wife as to her preferences about what his name should be after marriage. Women have the exact same right to decide their own names, and shouldn't be criticized for their choices.

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