Just Said Yes March 2020

Kids at wedding

Rebecca , on September 10, 2018 at 10:08 AM Posted in Planning 0 29
Saved Save
Good morning! I’ve been going back and forth weighing the pros and cons of having children at our wedding. Between FH and I, there would probably be 20-30 children invited from our families. My family lives about 3-4 hours away so my concern is that many of them would not attend and leave their children for a weekend. At the same time, I feel like we might prefer no kids! Does anyone have any advice or have similar experience with this??


  • Susie
    Dedicated October 2018
    Susie ·
    • Flag
    It depends on what you’re going for. Personally, FH and I decided to not invite children other than our nephews. The only wedding I went to where children were invited, their parents were chasing them around all night and very little dancing. Most people with children left early. Also it was hard for my FH and I as guests to socialize and catch with his family since they were busy with the kids.
    • Reply
  • Cynthia
    Expert May 2019
    Cynthia ·
    • Flag
    I’m in the EXACT same position, as most of my family has to fly in to attend, and I wouldn’t expect them to come if their children weren’t invited. Ultimately I’m leaning towards inviting them, as they are family. I’m planning a s’mores bar that should keep them happy. When I first got engaged, I was obsessed with the thought of no children. Then I thought about hiring a babysitter or two for the night to cover them. But now, I think that the more the merrier to celebrate the day, and I know watching kids always brings a smile to my face. As long as they’re quiet during the ceremony!
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    VIP August 2018
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    We personally wanted no kids. We knew this would ruffle some feathers but honestly, it was our day and we didn't care.

    We also had his family coming from 3 hours away but only had 1 family not come because they couldn't bring their kids. A couple of the others actually told me they were excited for a night in a hotel away from their kids!

    We wanted a club / party vibe for our wedding and it was amazing - it definitely wouldn't have been the same if we had kiddos running all around.

    No matter what, you're never going to please everyone when it comes to a wedding so I found that instead of worrying about everyone else, I did what I wanted to do. I got my dream wedding and people had a blast so everything worked out great for us.

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    We are inviting kids! We will invite around 30 (people under 18, most under 12). We are expecting closer to 10 to show up. I will be calling the parents individually after they RSVP "yes" with their kids and let them know that after dinner & speeches & dessert, the wedding will be less "kid friendly" due to an open bar and high amount of Marines as well as young single men. So I'm hoping that gives them the hint to leave after then! Our wedding ends at 11 anyway, so too late for kids to be up and out.

    • Reply
  • Gen
    Master June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag

    We're not having kids, but I also only have 2 groups of people with kids... 2 of my aunts (they are sisters) have 6 kids total. 2 of the "kids" are in middle school/high school, but the other 4 are all boys under the age of 8 and are EXTREMELY rowdy. Last time they came to our house, they were here for 2 hours and I spent about 3 hours cleaning up after them. I literally found chocolate on a throw blanket. How...?

    If having them at my house is so stressful, I can't even imagine having them in an elegant ballroom, where I will also have to pay $100 per child for a plate of food that they will likely not enjoy (our venue doesn't do kids meals). I cannot imagine they would enjoy being there either, and I cannot imagine having to worry about the stress of those kids on my wedding day. Definitely something I do not want to have to worry about.

    We are telling my aunts that they can bring the two older "kids" (who aren't really even kids, they are adolescents over the age of 13) but we are not having any children. Mostly because like I said, those are the only children we know and I just cannot deal with those kids in particular. If we knew better behaved kids I would be happy to have them. They are also 3rd cousins that we see MAYBE once a year (usually more like once every other year), so not like they are super close. There's a good chance one of my aunts will be very unhappy about this, but I'm ok with her being pissed at me (because it's better than me being pissed at her for life if her kids ruin our wedding, which would likely happen if they came) and I'm ok with her not coming if she can't part with her kids for a few hours (it's a Sunday afternoon, and they live 20 mins away from our venue).

    LONG STORY SHORT... if the kids you know are well-behaved and if your venue is child-friendly, I would invite them! But if your situation is anything like mine, I'd go kid-free!

    • Reply
  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
    • Flag

    Half of our guest list is being asked to travel over 1000 miles and we still decided no kids.

    Kids add 30 chairs to our guest list and we simply didn't have the room at the venue to add any more people.

    If guests can't make it that will be unfortunate and they will be missed but we just can't add that many chairs.

    • Reply
  • FutureMrs.Jimenez!
    Dedicated June 2021
    FutureMrs.Jimenez! ·
    • Flag
    I can understand not wanting kids at a wedding but unfortunately that's just what comes with having an event because everyone has kids these days. Personally, I have not attended weddings where my child was not invited and that's because it was in the same city. I would definately not go if it was out of town. It's just such an inconvience to parents to hassle with finding a babysitter that will watch the children for the duration of a wedding let alone overnight. In my opinion, no offense to anyone I just think it's selfish to not invite children I mean kids will always be around no matter what. I think kids should be invited as part of the family that you are inviting and the parents can make the decision on whether or not they want to bring their kids and deal with them. I'm not sure about your venue but my venue is 2 storys and on the second floor they have a lounge room that's big and has couches and a table and a tv and stuff so I planned to make that a room for the children I was gonna hook up a play station and have coloring books and games that way the kids have somewhere to hangout instead of being bored. If you have that advantage I would definately use it then it's kind of like everyone wins. Goodluck to you!
    • Reply
  • Mrs. H
    Master September 2019
    Mrs. H ·
    • Flag

    This is entirely up to you and FH! It sounds like you've weighed the pros and cons of both, so now it's just a matter of deciding what you'd prefer on your special day.

    Personally, FH and I have a lot of family and friends with children, so we are extending an open invitation to all and planning on hiring a babysitter during the reception for the younger kiddos.

    • Reply
  • Annie
    VIP October 2018
    Annie ·
    • Flag

    We are allowing kids 2 and under to come, and there will be 2/3 kids in all. We didn't want to have any kids, but since our wedding is 4/5 hours away for most of our family we thought under 2 was a good compromise. We do have some family not coming since they can't bring their kids, but that's on them. You can't please everyone.

    • Reply
  • B
    Expert September 2018
    Brittany ·
    • Flag

    We invited all kids all 62 of them and 30 are coming. Most families attending are bringing their kids and 4 families decided to come without their kids. We would have a lot less people if we didn't invite them and I wanted everyone to come. We didn't go to a wedding that was out of state that the kids were not invited to because if we are going to travel to see family I want to see the kids and I want others to see mine otherwise what's the point in traveling to see family if none of the kids will be there.... it's a personal decision, but know there will be people who won't come because of it... we are almost 30 so most of our family and friends all have kids when you are younger and your friends don't have kids yet it's a little bit easier to not invite them Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • C
    Super October 2018
    Cassandra ·
    • Flag
    I’m only having people in the wedding party in the wedding. I know some people aren’t even bringing their kids because they don’t want to worry about that responsibility. If people want to come to the wedding, give them enough notice and they will have a find sitter.
    • Reply
  • Sam
    Master August 2024
    Sam ·
    • Flag

    Hi Rebecca! As mentioned by a few previous posters-- It's entirely up to you! This is your wedding and whatever you decide people will have to plan accordingly! No matter what you decide, just remember that it's your big day, and you should do whatever you and your future spouse think is right! You got this!

    • Reply
  • M
    Devoted September 2018
    Mel ·
    • Flag
    We allowed children for immediate family because the majority are coming from out of town, are in the wedding party or couldn’t arrange child care. That said, we only have 10 children and all except the ring bearer are 10 years+ so we thought it would be more manageable. You could look into arranging child care for those families if there’s really too many to accommodate?
    • Reply
  • ArizonaDreaming
    Dedicated April 2020
    ArizonaDreaming ·
    • Flag

    We have 3 kids combined. I am still on the fence, but I am leaning more towards no kids.

    • Reply
  • Megan
    Devoted November 2018
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    I didn't invite children under 10. The only exceptions are my flower girl that's 4 and my cousin's son that is 5. We don't have many children in my family.
    • Reply
  • H
    Expert July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    We are in the same boat. We ended up including kids because I would rather have kids and know their parents will come, over saying no kids and risking people not coming. That's a lot of babysitters. Instead we are having a "kids room" with toys and coloring and stuff to keep them occupied after dinner.
    • Reply
  • starsinwaves
    VIP November 2018
    starsinwaves ·
    • Flag

    You really need to decide what's more important to you -- having no kids, or having everyone there. FH and I never considered adults-only, but even if we wanted that, it would have meant many people on our guest list wouldn't make it. We'd rather have everyone there with their kids than not have them there at all.

    In your situation, since it's family, a lot of people might have to skip because their would-be babysitters will be at the wedding.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Sarantos
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. Sarantos ·
    • Flag
    We are doing no kids. And I know some people might have an issue but I have to put my foot down on this one because all the kids are so small and it would be a difficult wedding. Also the venue is not kid friendly with a dark mountainside and rushing river with occasional bears. I actually saw one eating grass last time I visited lol I thought it was a statue til I saw it had fur and had moved. Trust me I love kids, I am an elementary teacher. But this is not the time.
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    VIP December 2018
    Ashley ·
    • Flag

    We're having a destination wedding and still having no kids. It would add too many to the guest list and we just don't want kids there besides first cousins- which is a big enough number as it is!

    • Reply
  • IslandBride88
    Devoted November 2018
    IslandBride88 ·
    • Flag

    It honestly really depends on your budget. We ended up only inviting 4 kinds because we see them often/ are close to them, and that's all we could afford. A lot of the guests whose kids were not invited are still coming and are excited to have a date night.

    I was just at a wedding in Aug and there was a child there that cried the entire ceremony, and the parents did not take him out. He just turned 3.

    • Reply

Comment on this discussion