Kristen
Super October 2020

Just venting about fh

Kristen, on November 6, 2019 at 9:55 PM Posted in Planning 0 5
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So basically my FH has been going back and forth about wedding plans and it's frustrating. A little bit about me is I am a type a planner that likes to know what to plan for so I would like to have an idea of what we are doing for our nuptials. For him he's going to change his mind back and forth and he is a person that suffers from social anxiety and the fear of the spotlight being on him is scary. He went from going to eloping at a resort that would also be our honeymoon and when I try to explain the process of getting a marriage license here and then things over there he eventually said why don't we just do something here since we have a free hotel voucher in the United States. So for the past couple of weeks I have been looking at some cities near where we live getting price quotes reaching out to people taking hours of my time to plan. Then when I explain some of these prices to him he comes up with the idea of doing something local. So finally after a few days today I had an idea for our reception, our cake vendor, our site ceremony venue as well as a photographer and officiant. I thought everything was within the small $1,000 budget that he wants to stick to maybe just going a little bit over. Plus I thought it would be to his liking a small ceremony and then us going to a place called Topgolf afterwards for a relaxing reception. Then he decides that he doesn't want to do that he wants to go back to it just being him and I and why don't we elope. I was so frustrated I just started crying because it was so annoying. Luckily he and I talked and now we're back to the destination eloping because he loved the idea that nobody else will become it'll just be him and I and no social anxiety. I finally just left it at you choose where you want to do the honeymoon and then once you have that figured out I will go ahead and order an elopement package. I actually was excited about the wedding planning and I liked the plans that we had but now with this whole back and forth I honestly just don't feel like planning anything. As much as I don't want to just go to the courthouse I'm literally just about to do that instead. Sorry for the long rant and thanks for letting me vent.

5 Comments

  • Anna
    Rockstar June 2020
    Anna ·
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    It is your wedding too. You have a voice and an opinion. It's not fair that he makes all of the decisions.
    Talk to him and explain how you are feeling. If you want a wedding, with guests, you should be able to have a small one.
    It's good to compromise, not just give in completely.
    Good luck!
    Let me know how it goes.

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  • Yoice
    Rockstar March 2019
    Yoice ·
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    I agree with Anna. Talking to him and expressing your feelings, thoughts and what you want might be the best option.
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  • Kristen
    Super October 2020
    Kristen Online ·
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    Thanks ladies. I am fine with an elopement because that was our first plan. Mostly i just want a plan. Even though it was an odd thing to do I think we may do the common thing these days of eloping with an after party. I just want to know what to plan and save for. I can respect that he doesn't want all attention on him and for it to be just us two just donde with the changing of plans. I did speak to him and we did both say how we felt which is good. I wonder if this is common with wedding planning.
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  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
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    I had the same problem. I couldn’t get FH involved in the planning and it was really starting to upset me. I took him out for a beer and dinner and flat out asked him what was up.

    He admitted that he wanted to just get married with just the two of us and then have a party later. For me it’s important for our families to see us get married so we compromised.

    we are getting married in Las Vegas in January and then having a ceremony and reception in September. Since our talk he’s been much happier and more dialed in which makes me happier too.

    good luck!
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  • Kristen
    Super October 2020
    Kristen Online ·
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    Thanks for responding and giving great advice. I am glad we talked about things because ultimately I do not want to make this a miserable experience for him but I think I am just tired of back and forth planning so I think this is what will be the best of both worlds. I told him that we should have a party to celebrate when we get back since we are eloping and since it will be in a chill environment where the spot light is not fully on him. We considered Vegas but we got an offer for a few resort stay so he wants to combine the two. Although I am not doing anymore planning at this point lol. He can contact the travel agent, decide on the location he wants to go to (I told him the honeymoon will be his thing and ceremony and pictures is mine) and finalize a date. Once he does that then I will work with the elopement packages they have. I can tell he likes that plan better so I think it will be the happy medium. It was more so frustrating to plan three different things to have him not like it and change his mind lol.

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