Lianna
Dedicated May 2019

In a pickle with bridal party

Lianna, on February 19, 2019 at 11:21 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16
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One of FH groomsmen is married to one of my bridesmaids. Recently, she has been getting on my nerves and disrespecting my fiance and just being plan rude. Has shown no interest in the wedding, even went as far as saying she wished he never proposed to me (we all went camping together when he did it).
I've been having mixed feelings about not wanting her as a bm anymore for the last month or so. Last week she told me that she and her husband "separated". I dont know what to do because I'm not sure if I'm letting emotions get in the way or what. I was really only keeping her on because of her husband, but now I dont really want her at all but I know FH still wants his best friend up with us.

16 Comments

  • Nicole
    Devoted January 2019
    Nicole ·
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    Remove her and keep the husband. No need for bad vibes!
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  • Victoria
    Super May 2019
    Victoria ·
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    Honestly, it’s rude to kick someone out of your bridal party, but if that someone doesn’t support and is being blatantly disrespectful to your marriage I definitely wouldn’t want them to stand up with me either. I’m sorry you’re going through this!
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  • Lianna
    Dedicated May 2019
    Lianna ·
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    I know it's rude to do it so that's why I've been sucking it up and not saying anything. But her attitude has been progressively worse as time goes on. I have enough stress to deal with and every day I think about this and I dont like the feeling I get.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    There are very few valid reasons to kick someone out of your bridal party. Disrespecting your fiance (depending on what she said or did) and your marriage is a valid reason. It doesn't sound like you care much about maintaining a friendship with her, so if you don't want her in the wedding, I think that's an okay decision to make. I would keep in mind that if her and her husband work things out, you will still need to invite her to the wedding.

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  • Fwbride
    Super July 2019
    Fwbride ·
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    The nice thing to do would be to talk to her and mention that her comments and attitude hurt your feelings and see how she reacts. She might have been going through some hard times leading up here separation and that’s why she was acting out. Then you can decide what you want to do.
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  • Lianna
    Dedicated May 2019
    Lianna ·
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    I'm okay with her attending, if she chooses to. I just dont want her standing with me. Shes also caused drama between other bridesmaids too. It's just a mess
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  • Melissa
    VIP October 2018
    Melissa ·
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    While it is rude to remove someone from a bridal party, if they are causing you unnecessary stress and trying to bring drama, DUMP THEM. Many may not agree, but I don't care. I don't think anyone negative should bring that nonsensical vibe to you during what is supposed to be a happy time!

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  • Sarah
    Dedicated October 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Ask her if she wants to be in your bridal party- I had to ask a bridesmaid that, and when given the option, she backed out. (For personal reasons that I completely understand and support. I was still getting stressed out by the lack of communication and such, though) If your bridesmaid chooses to remain in the party, then you could communicate that you need to feel supported.
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  • Sarah
    Dedicated October 2019
    Sarah ·
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    But if she’s still being difficult, then I’d kick her out. Who cares if it’s rude. You gave her the choice to stay in and step up, or leave. And maybe you end up having to make that decision for her. 🙂
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  • Maggie
    Super February 2019
    Maggie ·
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    This is really good advice. I think you are justified in wanting to remove her but if she works things out with her husband it's going to be an awkward situation. If you talk to her first and things still go bad at least then you can say you tried.
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  • V
    Super April 2019
    Valerie ·
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    So I think you need to take a step back here. She has been annoying recently and then just announced that she and her husband are separating. This is HUGE and likely not something that just happened. Perhaps look at her past actions of maybe trying to push some of her pain and stress of the separation away from her. If she is a friend, then I'd be reaching out to her as a friend to see what's up. If you don't care about her, then just drop her from the wedding party - you'll never have to talk to her again after that.

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  • Lianna
    Dedicated May 2019
    Lianna ·
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    Thanks ladies. I'm going to talk to her husband first then tell her my concerns and see if then if she wants to be apart of the bridal party. She probably wont after I tell her that I dont entirely feel like she should be.
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  • Emily
    Savvy September 2019
    Emily ·
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    Be honest with her and tell her you don't think it's a good fit. Sooner the better. You don't need any unnecessary drama or stress in addition to what is already on you. I had to completely eliminate the wedding party because my sisters were causing me too much stress about not having their husbands involved in my wedding party as well. My FH and I decided the day is for us, and about us. Just remember everyone else that is there is there, is there for the two of you, whether they are in the wedding party or not. Don't lose sight about what your day is about, because sadly, there will always be someone waiting to spoil it for you.

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  • Sophia
    Beginner October 2020
    Sophia ·
    • Flag
    Remove her. Saying you wish two people had never gotten engaged, TO ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE is downright mean. You don't need that kind of negativity around you, especially on your big day.
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  • Lianna
    Dedicated May 2019
    Lianna ·
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    She has been removed as of last week and yesterday her husband and our mutual friend (another GM) have also removed themselves from the wedding party.
    I told her that she has a lot going on and that she needs to focus on her nursing degree and her marriage more than my wedding. Removing the negativity from my stress level.
    Thank you everyone.
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  • Nicole
    Super September 2020
    Nicole ·
    • Flag

    It's very awkward to kick someone out once you've already asked them to be part of your party. Has she already purchased her dress? If you're kicking her out you should offer to purchase the dress from her (give it to another maid).


    That being said, it sounds like she should not be a part of the wedding party. It's one thing to not be very close with her...its another thing when she is constantly making negative comments about you and FH. I would cut her loose. You don't want those bad vibes at your wedding/surrounding your wedding.

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