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SageTree
Super July 2017

I just can't anymore (Why is the RSVP process so daunting??)

SageTree, on June 15, 2017 at 9:52 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 81
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I've had a pretty freaking stressful time with the wedding the past few weeks, from my FH's grandma inviting another family, to my grandma and friend wrecking my feelings about how my dress looks on me, it's been really fun.

This takes the cake though. An out of state friend, who I love dearly, is coming to the wedding with his SO. I was very excited to hear that when he called me! However, yesterday, I received their RSVP in the mail. He crossed off the 2 and put in SEVEN. SEVEN?!?!? He does not have any children and he's not in a polyamorous relationship, so I was so taken aback. I texted the usual "Sorry, I received your RSVP, and unfortunately we are only able to accommodate you and your SO". He called a little while later while I was in the shower, and left a voicemail stating that he has not seen his mother in ages (she lives in the same state as me) and that his brother, SIL, and two kids (which live in the same state as him) are in town (my town) Cont...

81 Comments

  • SageTree
    Super July 2017
    SageTree ·
    • Flag

    …..and staying with this mother. He wants them all to come along. I'VE NEVER MET ANY OF THEM!

    I didn't even know what to say…. I'm really appalled at the way people think wedding's work. Granted, I wasn't full up on etiquette prior to planning my wedding. I made a few faux pas, like RSVPing a day late, and forgetting to put my name at the top line. But man, I would never dream of turning a wedding into my very own family reunion.

    This is basically a vent. This has been a tough week.

    • Reply
  • QueSeraSera
    VIP December 2017
    QueSeraSera ·
    • Flag

    Hope you told him no way

    • Reply
  • Sabrina
    Devoted September 2017
    Sabrina ·
    • Flag

    I really hope you told this person NO. If he wants to have a family reunion, he needs to do it on his own time and own dime, period!

    • Reply
  • Chantel
    Devoted July 2017
    Chantel ·
    • Flag

    Reason # 562 why I decided on a destination wedding. This totally sucks but stand your ground. From 2 to 7 ridiculous and outright disrespectful. If your friend can't understand why he can't invite his entire family on YOUR wedding day then maybe it's time to find a new friend. Just inhale and exhale through the planning process. So long as you're married to the love of your life that is all that matters.

    • Reply
  • E
    Beginner June 2017
    Emily ·
    • Flag

    I've had many issues with the RSVP stuff. My wedding is in 8 days. People think it's okay to bring whoever and then get offended when you tell them no. Don't be afraid to say no though. You're paying for food and seating. If you've not met any of them then they have no place at your wedding. I had people inviting people I've never even heard of or not stating a name anywhere on the RSVP card or return address (I still have 3 unknown rsvps). The rsvp process is the least fun thing you will do in wedding planning. Stand your ground.

    • Reply
  • Miami2NorthernVA
    Master November 2017
    Miami2NorthernVA ·
    • Flag

    OMG are you fucking kidding me?? Who would think this is ok?? I cant believe some people.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
    • Flag

    Okay yeah no. He can have is family reunion on his own time and his own dime. Call back and re-state that the invitation is only for two. and any extra guests, if they arrive, will not be accommodated.

    • Reply
  • M
    Devoted September 2017
    Mallory ·
    • Flag

    It's your wedding, not their family reunion. You can do it girl, stand your ground! If he gets offended and doesn't want to come, it's not your fault. This is extremely rude of him to do!

    • Reply
  • SageTree
    Super July 2017
    SageTree ·
    • Flag

    I haven't called him back yet. I've been really exhausted with it. I'm definitely saying no, I'm just so tired of this kind of stuff.

    It's really making me assess my relationships with some of the people I call friends.

    • Reply
  • Nonna T
    Master April 2014
    Nonna T ·
    • Flag

    When I read that I thought of some of our clowny family members who rsvp for 78 or something silly.

    "unfortunately we are only able to accommodate you and your SO"

    Lather, rinse, repeat

    • Reply
  • Ashlee
    VIP September 2017
    Ashlee ·
    • Flag

    It's not your fault that he doesn't come to visit his mother on different occasions. Stand up for yourself.

    • Reply
  • SageTree
    Super July 2017
    SageTree ·
    • Flag

    Hahahah, @ Nonna, I thought it was a joke at first, but sent him a text anyway. I was not prepared to hear that voicemail....

    • Reply
  • melanie
    Master August 2017
    melanie ·
    • Flag

    Hell no! Why do weddings bring out the weird in everyone?? It's awful!

    • Reply
  • Bemyguest
    Master April 2017
    Bemyguest ·
    • Flag

    Wow, OP, I'm sorry.

    I've never said this more than this past year: I will never understand how some people can be so rude.

    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated June 2017
    Aisha ·
    • Flag

    I had a stressful time planning. People not RSVP'n by the deadline I set. I had to keep sending updates through FB. Some ppl just don't realize the stress of planning a wedding. It will have you ready to pull your hair out..

    • Reply
  • DesertPolarBear
    Expert December 2017
    DesertPolarBear ·
    • Flag

    That is just nuts. Seriously. I'm sorry OP (and crossing my fingers my family knows what's what but we shall see)

    • Reply
  • JustSayNguyen
    Devoted October 2017
    JustSayNguyen ·
    • Flag

    That is so irritating. I don't know how much your per person cost is but for me an extra 5 people would be like $400. Regardless that is a hard NO and I just do not understand people

    • Reply
  • Jillian
    VIP October 2017
    Jillian ·
    • Flag

    He can turn it into a mini-vacation if he wants to spend time with his family. Its just outright rude, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I'd make it known that the venue will not accommodate the additional people (not to mention, who the hell wants to go to a stranger's wedding?)

    • Reply
  • SageTree
    Super July 2017
    SageTree ·
    • Flag

    Yea, the extra cost of 5 people would be roughly $750. I've been saving up for AGES to properly host all of the guests I wanted there and their SOs. Now, I'm just at a loss at how people view this as just some party they can show up to, and it doesn't cost me a dime extra.

    • Reply
  • AwkwardToBe
    VIP September 2017
    AwkwardToBe ·
    • Flag

    Tell him he can bring his extra family with him to town of he wants to so they can visit his mom, but they are not invited to the wedding and will not be accommodated if they show up. State something about how the venue is at capacity and you can't include extra people who weren't on the original guest list.

    • Reply

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