Elizabeth
September 2019

i don't know the proper etiquette here.

Elizabeth, on September 19, 2019 at 10:28 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
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Hi everyone! I'm not the bride or bridesmaid but actually the wedding singer!! Haha so I feel silly but I seriously don't know what to do in the situation I am in.


My friend asked me to sing at her wedding and WOW! I was so honored. She and her FH searched and searched for their perfect song and finally found it. Here's the issue - it's way way way entirely too high for me to reach. I am a true alto here.


I did go to her and kind of mention it and she said that was okay and I can find any version in a key that does work for me and she would do whatever she could to help, even if we had to buy a track! Well, even the "low key" track that I found is way too high. There is only one version I can find (on YouTube of all places!!) that I can reach but it sounds like a two year old is playing the piano.


Here's where I need help. What do I do? I can't go up there on her wedding day and screech (I can't even screech this one, it's too high) this song out but also don't want her wedding video to have that horrible track in it.


Can I politely back out? (I still have plenty of time before the wedding) What do I do? Any/all advice is welcomed because she is my dear, dear, dear friend and it breaks my heart that I might be disappointing her.


11 Comments

  • Amber
    VIP February 2020
    Amber Online ·

    I would show her the YouTube video that works with your key and see what she says. Tell her how honored you are to sing for her wedding, but don't want to run the risk of playing that if she agrees that it's terrible. Maybe she'd be willing to hire a pianist to play it the day off or record a different track prior to?

  • Rose
    Dedicated August 2020
    Rose Online ·
    I would record a few screeches and all and let her hear it. Telling her you think you’ll sound bad when she thinks you are obviously good enough to sing at her wedding sounds like you’re just being modest. Are there similar type songs you can offer instead?
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    This is her problem to solve. Go back to her and re-discuss. Say you’ve searched high and low and only found this one version (share it) but you don’t think it’s up to par, so you’re not sure how to proceed from there , if she might have an idea or someone else who can do it (id say “I wouldn’t be offended if you choose someone else but I’m happy to do it if we can find a solution!”). She might know or be willing to pay another musician to record the track in the right key for you , as she mentioned willingness to buy a track before. All you need to do is have an open and honest conversation with her and she can decide how to proceed.
  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
    Just explain the situation to her again and sing it so she’ll understand. If she’s not musically inclined, what you’re saying will mean nothing to her. Sometimes a demonstration is what’s needed to see how something will turn out. If she still insists that has to be the song and says it sounds good to her, you’re going to have to decide if you are ok with proceeding with singing it or if you’re going to step down from the role. That would be a really hard decision, so hopefully she agrees with you!
  • G
    Dedicated June 2020
    Gabby ·
    What key is the original in and what is the top range of the piece? It should be too hard to put the music into a program and transpose it down. (Music educator here)
  • Peggy
    Master November 2019
    Peggy ·
    I would either tell her you need to do a different song or can’t do it. Alternatively, you could slightly change the melody in that particular section.
  • G
    Dedicated June 2020
    Gabby ·
    View Quoted Comment
    That was my next suggestion. Just find notes that will still fit within the chord that are in your range.
  • Elizabeth
    September 2019
    Elizabeth ·
    View Quoted Comment

    Being a music educator you already know more than me haha, I just started singing a little over a year ago at my church and that's where she hears me singing.


    It's "I could not ask for more" by Sarah Evans. The beginning of the song is perfect range for me but she goes up really high on what I would call the bridge.

  • Elizabeth
    September 2019
    Elizabeth ·
    View Quoted Comment

    You saying, "This is her problem to solve." really helped me because I was putting all this pressure on myself to find the perfect solution! Thank you!


    I'm going to talk with her today and say exactly some of these lines that you have shared. Thank you, thank you.

  • Elizabeth
    September 2019
    Elizabeth ·

    Thank y'all for ALL the responses. I already feel so much better reading each one because I was feeling so awful about giving her another "issue" when she's trying to plan her special day. Also, did not want to sound like a bratty singer haha.

  • Sarah
    Dedicated June 2020
    Sarah ·

    Maybe suggest to her hiring a live accompanist that can play in your key?

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