Jamie
Beginner June 2019

How to tell family no kids?

Jamie, on December 2, 2018 at 1:32 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12
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My FH and I sent out our save the dates back in August, and we had full intention on allowing kids to come to our wedding. We addressed families as “Smith Family” so they might have an idea that kids ARE allowed, but we realized we just don’t have the room in the venue to allow all of these children. We would LOVE to have everyone’s kids to come, but that would be an extra 34 bodies on the list we simply don’t have the room to accommodate, both in room and in budget. How do you put in a invite that it is now an adult only affair, without hurting any feelings? Last thing we want is someone not coming because they can’t bring the little ones! Please help!

12 Comments

  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    I would call everyone individually and explain you made a mistake.
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  • A
    Devoted May 2020
    Ali ·
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    Maybe put in the actual invites that while you works love for the Littles to attend, there simply isn't room for any children older than an infant. Or, maybe hire a few responsible people and have them babysit daycare style whole mommy and daddy are partying? Like, if you have guests from out of town who might let you borrow their suite for a hot minute. I know it's complicated. Have someone swing by little Caesars and grab like 5 pizzas (depending on the number of kids obviously, and their ages. Younger kids might eat 1 or 2 slices, older kids might eat 3, teens will probably eat 4 or 5 slices each) cheap and easy food. And maybe after the cake cutting you and your love can deliver some cake (assuming they're close by) ...sorry if this is complicated. I'm sick and it's late
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  • Kenisha
    Champion June 2019
    Kenisha ·
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    You’re going to have to inform everyone. Phone calls, text messages, emails, and put it on your wedding website.
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  • Mr&MrsSmith2018
    Dedicated July 2018
    Mr&MrsSmith2018 ·
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    Hello, my husband & I went thru a similar situation. We stated "we love and adore all the children in our families but are unable to accommodate them all. Please understand & respect our request" everyone did just that & there were no problems at all. In fact alot of the adults were happy to Take a break from their kids 😂😂😂. Hope this helps.
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  • Mr&MrsSmith2018
    Dedicated July 2018
    Mr&MrsSmith2018 ·
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    By the way we actually typed this up & placed in the formal invitations. It worked 😊.
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  • M
    0000
    Mim ·
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    Call now and apologize. Don't say anything in the "adults only" vein on the invitation. It's always rude to announce who isn't invited to an event, just like in the third grade for your birthday party 😉
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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    Being that you already invited the children by including them in the STD, I would call each family individually. I dont think a note on the invite would suffice because a) they probably already made travel arrangements for the whole family and b) its rude to put on an invite who isn't invited.

    I'm also confused on how this happened. Did you not know your budget before sending out STDs?
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  • Future Mrs. R
    Dedicated June 2019
    Future Mrs. R ·
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    Hi. Did you place a different insert with you invite or was it on the RSVP card? How did you word it?
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  • Mr&MrsSmith2018
    Dedicated July 2018
    Mr&MrsSmith2018 ·
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    Hi I worded it exactly how I typed it in this forum. Also we made that decision after the invitations we ordered so we typed it up in Microsoft word on color paper (to match our invitations) and inserted them into the invites. We realized that the kids were exceeding our guestlist lol. Everyone understood though.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Whenever you downsize a wedding, change it's nature ( outdoor local to destination formal), or retract any part of an invitation, you owe the person a phone call, or talking to them directly. Not text, not mailed inserts. And with changes affecting children, the sooner you let them know after the Save with misinformation, the more considerate you are. Family babysitters particularly cannot as easily cancel their plans, 2 months out when invitations arrive. If you have the courtesy to talk to them, and give advance notice , they will not promise the children they are going to a wedding and party, or buy them party clothes, and can more easily reserve a sitter. . . There are definite pitfalls to using Saves far in advance. Except long distance travelers, no one needs them earlier than 4-6 months. And since Saves are a new invention, a lot of people give advance info the old fashioned way: on the phone, or in a letter, whether snail mail or email. Addressed individually. And different people at different times, when you know numbers, and decide about children and SO invitations for those who were single at a year out, but have a steady SO by the two weeks before invitations go out, so you address the invitation to the person by name. People decide whether or not to attend a wedding by the time invitations are out. Sending SAVES sooner makes no difference, as people lol at all the invitations, then accept for the person they are closest too, or local vs. traveling. Who sent the SAVE first is irrelevant; the acceptance of an invitation is the only thing that counts. You need to make phone calls, ASAP. But your post is a warning to others: Things change. I was told people would freak out, when told we were only inviting adults. First time FI family brought it up, as soon as 1 of FI's siblings said, but in our family we always have daytime weddings, and everyone brings kids, I answered, the 160 adults and 11 babies we are inviting, have 157 other children. That would nearly double our costs, $8 K more than our $15 K budget. Everyone suddenly nice about it. 34 children at $50-75 each, or more, since over 10 have adult meals but no liquor, is huge. People understand, $1700 to $2500 is a budget buster. And it takes away the complaints, all weddings should be child/ family friendly. How many adults paying $30 each for dinner and $60-$100 for show or concert tickets, take their kids? They know. People do not understand, we do not want your kids. They understand , we cannot afford a venue and meals that we would need for 34 more guests. Quick phone call, enlist their sympathy, which no text or invitation insert will do.
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  • Future Mrs. R
    Dedicated June 2019
    Future Mrs. R ·
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    Thank you.
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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Since you already implied they’d be invited, you should really reach out to the families with children ASAP to mention that kids won’t be invited, be it by phone or message or email— people use the save the dates to start making travel arrangements, and there’s a huge difference between booking travel for a full family versus arranging for childcare for a weekend.
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