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Expert January 2020

Help on how to deal with difficult family!!

Abby, on January 9, 2019 at 1:17 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10
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My family has gotten to the point of not just being insensitive, but blatantly rude (sometimes a little hateful) regarding wedding things. Such as we decided to have a wedding in Hawaii.. but before we were ready to tell people we just said simply “probably on the beach” when asked where we would have it. I was told by one family member “just go to a courthouse or Vegas then.. you don’t deserve a wedding if you gonna do something like that”. There has been many more instances of things like this, where I end up having to walk away and even cry sometimes. Did this ever happen to anyone else? What did you do? Even if it didn’t do you have any advice?
I’ve gotten to the point of just not speaking with certian family unless I HAVE to. Thanks!

10 Comments

  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I just wouldn't talk to them about anything wedding related. Treat them like any other guest. Don't bring up the wedding. Send the invite, and that's it.

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  • Megan
    VIP January 2019
    Megan ·
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    Stop telling people literally anything unless they have to know, and only tell them when they need to know it.
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  • A
    Expert January 2020
    Abby ·
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    Well it’s not even me telling them. They heard I was having it in Hawaii (by family that is invited and SUPER happy) and they go upset that I was being “inconsiderate”. I’m a people pleaser and I don’t like people upset with me. So having to tell people “sorry this is just the way it is” has been hard especially when they just come out of the blue. Without me talking to them or anything to tell me how it’s not nice or how I should be doing things.. thanks for the encouragement though to keep my distance i feel bad about it sometimes and want to tell them but then I remember they just yell at me.
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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    Are these distant family members or like your mother/father/sibling?

    The response they gave you to getting married on the beach is COMPLETELY unwarranted, but there is a little truth behind it that you should consider. Having a DW can be difficult on your guests. I would 100% check with your VIPs (people you can't have your wedding without) before you move forward. Make sure everyone is on board so you can minimize disappointment later.

    That being said, agree with PP. Stop sharing information with this person. Even if they were annoyed by the idea of the DW, the response is disgusting.


    ETA: Just saw your response. You can't please everyone. If they bring it up to you again just say "I understand if you can't make it, and you'll be missed".

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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    I’m a big people pleaser as well and wedding planning challenged that big time. I was having a lot of breakdowns when people were getting mad or challenging me over silly things. I got to a point where I had to decide that this was my wedding and other people were entitled to their feelings but I wouldn’t let it effect me anymore. I shut people down and told them to keep the comments to themselves and when it was time for their wedding they could do what they wanted. Therapy also helped a lot.
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  • Stephanie
    Dedicated April 2019
    Stephanie ·
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    I stopped talking about wedding one particular future gma in law because of some rude comments. She was upset that I didn't ask my FH sister to be a bridesmaid and called me names in front of everyone. Classy, I know. So now during family events, every time she's asks about planning I just say "its fine" and walk away or change the subject. People will always have their comments and opinions about everything. But this is your guy's wedding. They want to be rude, don't allow them to be a part of the planning process or know anything about the wedding until invites are sent.
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  • Yoice
    Rockstar March 2019
    Yoice ·
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    I have a family member like this which is actually not even attending the wedding. It was hard to deal with it at first because is rude and disrespectful to me so I simply decided to ignore her. I avoid any wedding topics around her and she doesn’t even ask anymore about any details.
    I say is your day and don’t let anyone get to you or stress you. Is not worth it. Some people feed from drama and love that. Don’t give them that pleasure.
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert January 2020
    Abby ·
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    Thank you! I appreciate you helping! We made sure all close family could come! This is aunts, uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins and some family friends that think they are family. After a while things just started to hurt my feelings! We wouldn’t have had it in Hawaii if our VIPs couldn’t be there and if there already wasn’t so much drama and mean comments (how much weight am I gonna lose/ or will I just get a dress what will cover my weight. Btw im a size 6/8 and I’m 5’2”so I didn’t feel big until now)
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  • Yoice
    Rockstar March 2019
    Yoice ·
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    I’m also having a DW so I know the feeling. Is your wedding and you do what you want and if Hawaii is your dream then go for it.
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  • C
    Savvy March 2019
    Caitie ·
    • Flag

    Agreed! Don't let anyone dictate what you should or should not do. Therapy helped me as well to get rid of the negativity in my life.

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