Expert May 2019

Guest list woes

Brittany, on March 7, 2019 at 3:41 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 3
Saved Save

I know, I know. Another guest list post. So sorry! I don't know that I'm necessarily looking for advice, because there's nothing I can or would change, but I just need to get it off my chest and FH just doesn't "get it."

He has a group of guy friends that he's been buddies with since high school. I'm the newest "inductee" to the group because I didn't go to the same high school as the rest of them. I'm also really shy, so I don't know them as well. There's probably 6 couples and 2 or 3 single people in our "core group" with other friends that cycle in and out. Of the main group, all but two of the couples are invited to the wedding. One of the couples has been distant lately and are usually only coming to one or two things a year now, so I don't think there will be any hard feelings there. They're spirited. The other couple DOES come to gatherings but they don't really click with anyone else and FH and I know them the least out of everyone else. I feel awkward when I talk to the wife and FH has never really cared for the husband. We knew from day one that they weren't on the guest list and it was a mutual decision.

Last weekend we hosted our friends at our house and the other girls started talking to me about wedding planning and such. The wife also talked to me a little bit about it, and I was super vague (oh yeah, every thing is going great, just ready for it to be over,) and then I changed the topic. This particular couple always leaves early so when they left I told the other girls they HAVE to stop talking about our wedding in front of them because I always feel awkward about it. They all admitted that they forgot and they told me not to worry about it but I can't help it!

I know weddings aren't an eye for an eye type of deal, but in my head I justify it because 1) we weren't invited to their wedding, nor was a different couple in our group, but the others were and 2) we aren't close with them at all. We talk to the other friends during other times but we literally only talk to this couple at gatherings and it's usually brief and awkward. One of the other girls told me we need to invite them so it doesn't cause a rift with the guys and another girl said they invited them to their wedding for this exact reason. We haven't sent out invites yet so we technically could invite them but I would be concerned with inviting too many people. This sounds awful, and while I wouldn't be upset if they were there, I wouldn't exactly be filled with joy if they came. Every wedding we've been to with this couple all she's done is critique every. little. detail. of the wedding and I hate it. I don't want anyone critiquing my wedding lol.

This was long-winded, per usual, and whiny so I apologize! Just venting about it made me feel a little better already haha. Thanks, Wedding Wire!


  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·

    It always helps to vent. It sounds like you really don't want them there, so don't invite them. If they ask, just tell them it was a budget issue. I doubt they will ask though, since y'all aren't close. If it were me though, I'm a people pleaser and usually put that above my own wants, so I'd probably invite them to prevent any hard feelings or what not.

  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD Online ·

    I think you are doing the right thing. Like you said, you didn't go to their wedding. We have friends we only see in large groups, and we like them, but don't see them privately or just one on one or even know them very well. So we aren't inviting them.

  • Brittany
    Master April 2019
    Brittany ·

    I don't think there's anything wrong with not inviting them.

    It shouldn't cause any rift, because you are not close with them to begin with, and they didn't invite you and your FH to their wedding to avoid "a rift", why should you?

Comment on this discussion