Jess D
VIP May 2015

Expectations in Marriage

Jess D, on November 9, 2014 at 11:05 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 26
Saved Save
Reply

What are expectations you will have for your future spouse when you are married?

How will your marriage be affected if these expectations aren't met?

(I know some of these may be personal I was just asked this question and it got me thinking)

26 Comments

  • Sarah
    Master October 2014
    Sarah ·
    • Flag

    We got married just shy of a month ago. I don't know that my expectations are different than from before. I guess to love me unconditionally, be faithful, be kind and gentle, listen and be supportive. We're a little bit older so we aren't naive in any sense. We really do fit together so well. He's the best and never gives me anything to worry about.

    • Reply
  • Jess D
    VIP May 2015
    Jess D ·
    • Flag

    Smiley smile im glad!

    its a question in my premarital counseling book. and this chapter speciffically talks about expectations. just thought id ask what other brides expectations are for their spouses, even in general

    • Reply
  • kahlcara
    Master August 2013
    kahlcara ·
    • Flag

    Not directly marriage-related, but before we moved in together, I kind of assumed it would just be like it was before I moved in--we'd hang out together all the time. (I hadn't thought about this too much, just kind of assumed it would be that way). Well, we're both introverts and need our alone time. even though we love each other and spend a lot of time together, we had too much together time at first. DH was only taking 2 summer classes and I was working part-time and looking for a full-time job, and we had boxes everywhere, so it was kind of stressful. We adapted, I found a full-time job and in the fall he went back to school full-time, but it was an adjustment. I think the important thing is to realize that your spouse may have different expectations than you do, and that's ok, as long as you take both sides into account and work something out together.

    Another example, I really hadn't thought about it, but I grew up in a house where we used full sets of sheets and a blanket on top. DH's family has never used flat sheets and has always had duvets. We fought a lot about the stupid bed when I moved in. I would put the sheet on, and he would take it off. Eventually we talked about it and got a duvet cover, so I can take it off and wash it like you would sheets, and he doesn't have to deal with getting tangled in sheets.

    • Reply
  • Tru Lowes
    Expert April 2015
    Tru Lowes ·
    • Flag

    Hmm... I guess the usual stuff, to be loved unconditionally, be faithful and truthful... Pretty much what we have now, but I've been told the connection kind of becomes a bit more sacred once you're legally married. Kind of like "hello world, we're a team" sort of thing. I'm looking forward to being able to call him husband! And having someone who's got my back and will take care of me (and obviously I'll take care of him when he needs it).

    What was your answer when they asked you that question @jessb ? Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • ValZtoB
    Master March 2015
    ValZtoB ·
    • Flag

    Open and honest communication. The rest falls into place after that.

    • Reply
  • Janeen
    Master January 2015
    Janeen ·
    • Flag

    We have defined expectations as to chores (I cannot stand handling the trash). We have defined expectations of how we will consult each other for major financial decisions over a certain amount. We have defined expectations of making plans (I once read that you never ever agree to any plans immediately with someone. You always say, "I think I can, but I will have to consult my spouse"). We should do a better job of how we communicate when angry (I often get curt and can raise my voice).

    As Val said, it usually boils down to being able to communicate openly and without judgment.

    • Reply
  • Koch Bride
    Master September 2014
    Koch Bride ·
    • Flag

    We have been married for almost 2 months now and not a lot has changed. We lived together for a year and a half by the time we got married but besides the name change and extra lovey-doveyness things haven't been all that different.

    My expectations are not that different from when we were dating. Be open, be honest and if you are unhappy about something talk about it. If we're disappointing each other in anyway, get it out in the open and don't let things simmer. We both feel strongly that relationships are built on trust, communication and respect.

    • Reply
  • Enya
    VIP July 2015
    Enya ·
    • Flag

    I think this is something we've been working on throughout the course of our relationship - there's a lot of give and take.

    my main expectation is that we will get lazy about being in a relationship, and we'll need to refocus ourselves on one another. it might make it easier that we're not planning on having kids, but we also have a lot of hobbies which can be time consuming, expensive, and distracting.

    • Reply
  • Jess D
    VIP May 2015
    Jess D ·
    • Flag

    Thank you ladies! i guess i should share mine,

    a few of them are silly lol

    i want him to take me to disney at least once

    to be ahead of finances (paying bills)

    honesty, faithfullness

    fulfill each others needs.

    take care of each other when sick

    etc.

    • Reply
  • FutureMrsMerritt
    VIP September 2015
    FutureMrsMerritt ·
    • Flag

    My expectations will pretty much be the same as I have way to high of expectations as it is lol. One thing I am hoping he does after marriage but isn't expected is to help me write a children's book. I'm a teacher and this has always been a dream of mine to create my own kids book. I use to go to art school and love writing so it is up my alley, not so much his, but I am hoping he will help me create the story line and eventually have a published book by the both of us. Kind of a project goal I have and something we can do together! So I guess an expectation is just to create goals to do together more often!

    • Reply
  • kahlcara
    Master August 2013
    kahlcara ·
    • Flag

    I read The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work tonight (DH is a social worker and bought it for work, I read anything that comes in reach), and one of the things it mentioned was that it's actually good for couples to have high expectations and it makes you happier in the long run if you challenge each other to live up to that. Also, that it's really important to understand where you're each coming from. If you clash over something, the clash isn't important, it's why is it important to you? Why is it important to your spouse? And then you go from there.

    • Reply
  • JanuaryWedding
    Super January 2016
    JanuaryWedding ·
    • Flag

    FH and I already expect each other to be faithful and honest. We have also lived together for over a year so all the kinks have been ironed out in that regard. So I just expect it to stay the same or that we at least change with each other.

    • Reply
  • mrsrobinvalentine
    Master February 2014
    mrsrobinvalentine ·
    • Flag

    I don't think that I consciously thought about any expectations. During our dating stage, we discussed our short term & long term goals. We had some much in common and we just click. Our beliefs were and is the same. So as long as we remain true to ourselves and to each other, we will be continue to be happy. On the flip side, we are each other best friends.

    • Reply
  • Natalie
    Master May 2015
    Natalie ·
    • Flag

    My expectation is that not much changes. We have lived together for years, so that won't be new. To me open communication and honesty are important and we already have that. For finances we will open a joint account, but we won't change how we pay the bills. Right now we split everything and have a spreadsheet to keep track of it all. I am the one that actually pays the bills. Chores we split evenly and trade off who does what. Given that we already kinda act like we are married I don't think much will change and I hope it doesn't. Our relationship is a partnership and my expectation is that stays the same regardless of our legal status.

    • Reply
  • FinallyMrsW
    VIP October 2014
    FinallyMrsW ·
    • Flag

    Honesty. haha i know we both are human so we will both mess up and hurt the other through our marriage but honesty is like the expectation that i have for both of us and he knows it. we have only been married for two weekish (almost three) but we do everything in a team effort its been so great.

    • Reply
  • L + R
    Master September 2014
    L + R ·
    • Flag

    My expectations haven't changed since we first met/began living together 6 years ago. Love me unconditionally and I'll return the same. It seems so simple, but for many is hard to do. Along with that comes all the other good stuff. It's worked for us so far.

    • Reply
  • StitchingBride
    Master October 2014
    StitchingBride ·
    • Flag

    I expect my feet to be rubbed, to be cooked for and to be told that I am the most beautiful creature that ever lived, and to never ever fight.

    let me tell you, it's been a whole 11 days and I was so on the mark with my expectations.

    psych! do they still say that? lol

    no, just kidding. I do want the above things, and I get them, but not all the time and it was only 6 days in when my husband got aggrivated about some money thing and laid it all on me, when in fact it was his goof. it happens, not the end of the world and we're working it out.

    so in truth, I expect him to love and support me even when I am a total handful (at least after I've calmed down) and work with me to solve things when they go wrong- at least after we've both been well fed and well rested Smiley smile

    check out this video- this post put me in mind of it.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2UszPwHvXE

    • Reply
  • Jess D
    VIP May 2015
    Jess D ·
    • Flag

    These are good haha

    i want my feet rubbed too.

    ETA: cute video!!

    • Reply
  • Shelby H.
    VIP October 2014
    Shelby H. ·
    • Flag

    Just to always put the interests of our team first. We've always viewed our relationship as a team (well, the good times anyway) so we've been doing this for quite some time.

    • Reply
  • Kristen
    VIP May 2015
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    I always think about this question! i guess if i were to say anything though itd be that i expect him to be a strong head of the household, make enough so that i can be a stay at home mom one day, not make fun of me when i self diagnose myself on webmd (im not even going to say what i self diagnosed myself with last time, but FH died laughing and told me never to tell anyone lol) and to NOT LEAVE MAIL LAYING AROUND SO THAT I CAN KEEP UP WITH OUR BILLS (men. sheesh.)

    • Reply

Comment on this discussion

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

WeddingWire article topics