Super May 2019

Drama-need to vent/advice

Megan, on December 6, 2018 at 8:48 PM Posted in Family and Relationships
Backstory: my FH is an identical twin and him and his brother are very close. I am also really close with his twin. They also have an older brother as well (who is married) Identical twin used to be in a serious relationship with my best friend, but they broke up almost 4 years ago. Her and I were friends before they got together (we’ve been friends since 7th grade) and we have continued to be friends since they broke up. In fact, I considered her to be my maid of honor but ultimately chose my cousin.

FH’s twin, has been dating someone new for almost 3 years now. I am not a fan of her, for a multitude of reasons, the biggest being she is all drama and has to make everything about her. Anyway, I was told today by my future sister in law (FH’s older brothers wife) and my 16 year old sister (she babysits new girlfriends son) that she has been saying it makes her feel uncomfortable that I am having my best friend (identical twins ex) in my wedding and that she thinks it’s rude of me not to think of her feelings about the situation!!!! Umm what?! I am not going to not have my best friend in my wedding to spare her feelings. Identical twin and best friend have been broken up for 4 years. Best friend is married and expecting their first child. I didn’t even know there was a “situation” i should be considerate of, wtf. I don’t even like her anyway, but I thought we were all adults? My bestie is married now and expecting their first child so it’s not as if she is trying to get back with my FH’s twin. I just cannot get over this and especially that she is trying to confide in my 16 year old sister, who is obviously going to tell me what she said.

My first instinct is to send her a text and tell her how i feel, but I know I’m upset right now and will probably say things I shouldn’t. My question is, should I eventually address the issue with her and tell her that I expect zero drama on my wedding day and she better not be mean to my bestie or else she will be asked to leave? Or should I just let it pass? She is totally the type of person who will pout and be pissy and dramatic because she isn’t getting her way and things aren’t about her. She is already beyond jealous that FH and I are engaged and she isn’t.


  • Nicole
    Expert September 2018
    Nicole ·

    She hasn't even said anything to your face, so I would just let it ride right now. Chances are if she has said it to others but not you it's because she doesn't have the guts to and probably won't bring it up at all.

  • Fwbride
    Super July 2019
    Fwbride ·
    Let her know what you expect from her (when you’re calm) and if she doesn’t accept that go to your FHs twin and let him know you don’t want any drama. If she can’t control herself let her know she doesn’t have to come if she’ll be uncomfortable. Just don’t make it sound petty lol
  • Stephanie
    Dedicated November 2019
    Stephanie ·
    Nah, I wouldn’t say anything. She doesn’t have the guts to tell you to your face, so let her pout!
  • M
    Super November 2019
    Melissa ·
    I wouldn't say anything. If it was truly a problem to her, she would say it to your face. Some people just love to talk. And if she does come up to you, tell her to kindly mature a little bit before the wedding.
  • Katie
    Dedicated August 2019
    Katie ·
    Yeah, I agree with pp, I wouldn't say anything, either. The situation bothering her says more about her than it does you. It sounds to me like she's probably not the type of person to bring it up to you anyway.
  • Laura
    Expert November 2019
    Laura ·
    Another vote for staying quiet. If she says something to you directly then it’s s different thing. But for now, let her run her mouth. It doesn’t affect you.
  • PurdyAikey
    Super January 2019
    PurdyAikey ·
    I would not bring it up unless she or twin bring it up. If they do the I would let them know like an adult the your best friend will be in the wedding and if there was any feelings for Twin she wouldn't be pregnant and married. If there are issues it is on their side, and maybe the need to work those issues out in their relationship!
  • Kayla ·
    I wouldn’t say anything unless she or her man brought it up. My stance is I dont Start drama but I will Finish it! If her bf says something to your FH then he should handle it. I would make sure your FH is on the same page so he can handle on his brothers ends.
  • Alyssa
    Master December 2019
    Alyssa ·
    I say cool off and address it

    make sure you can stay cool headed and reasonable when you’re ready to text her though
  • Rachel
    Super July 2019
    Rachel ·
    So if I were in your shoes it wouldn’t even upset me because she’s the one in distress and literally no one else lol. So if I didn’t like her I’d be like good, she can keep pouting, doesn’t affect me one bit! But yeah don’t bring it up, only say something to her if she says something to you first. As far as you’re concerned she can keep stewing in her own insecurities because you know nothing.
  • Rosa
    Dedicated May 2019
    Rosa ·
    Don’t say anything to her as that would only rowdy the situation . Make it feel as if it’s no big deals and I would say to give you peace of mind the bearing your wedding date ask FH to causally talk to his brother and make sure he can settle any weird situation if it come up . I’m sure they have a good open understanding and he (your FH’s brother) won’t be offended by his own brother bringing it up to clear the air .
  • Rosa
    Dedicated May 2019
    Rosa ·
    Nearing your wedding date **
  • mrsanda
    VIP March 2017
    mrsanda ·
    I would inform your FH and see what he thinks should be done. I would not be able to stay quiet and would likely let her know she isn’t welcome. However, your FH may have a good way to address the situation, my Husband is more level headed than me so just a thought.
  • M
    Expert September 2018
    M ·
    Don't say anything!! This is just gossip. She may have said one minor sentence and people are blowing it up. If FSIL didn't say anything to you, then why address it? Addressing it means ultimately is going to be some showdown where you're sticking my your bff and she threatens not to come and it ruins your relationship with her.

    New twins gf, if she likes the drama, don't pay her any mind.
  • S
    Dedicated June 2020
    Shannon ·
    If she is as much drama as you say you have to say something or it will ok not get worse. I understand it might be a little awkward I have similar situations in my family it's an ex shes probably jealous of the time she didnt have him bit it's your wedding it's your best friend it's not like your doing it just to push her off so talk to her maybe talk to FHs twin and tell him to help calm her down.
  • Arlene
    Devoted February 2020
    Arlene ·
    View Quoted Comment

    Agreed with PP!

    If she has yet to say it to your face then pretend she didn't say it at all.

    Unfortunately she said it behind closed doors so even if you do tell her you do not want to cause any more drama of her getting mad at your sister for telling you.

    If it was that bad a problem she could say it to your face. It is YOUR wedding. not hers

  • FutureStephD
    Super March 2019
    FutureStephD ·

    Another vote for not saying anything. Your friend is married and expecting. Any drama/ shade in the room is the insecurity of twin's GF and has nothing to do with you. I wouldn't ingratiate her.

    I don't blame you for being totally annoyed by it. Vent away!

    IF twin's GF says something to you (i.e. I'm uncomfortable with my BF's ex being there) I would say "oh my gosh, I completely forgot about them dating! I bet everyone has since she's married and expecting and you two have been together for so long. I wouldn't even think about it if I was you. You got him and she has someone else! (insert passive aggressive laugh)"

  • Maggie
    Super February 2019
    Maggie ·
    I would be so annoyed by this! But I agree with PP theres not much you can / should do. I think she's just trying to start drama by saying those things to your sister, she has to know it's going to get back to you. She just wants attention. The best way to handle it is to ignore her and dont play her game, otherwise you are just going to get sucked into the mess. If she continues to carry on or take it further than that will totally reflect on her, not you. I know easier said than done because I'd be furious if I were you, but dont feed the drama monster.
  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·

    I wouldn't say anything. Its not needed. Let her come and pout and be uncomfortable. You will be too busy to care, and your best friend has clearly moved on. She is the only one "upset".

    It would be immature of you to call her out over gossip, since you are adults. I'd let it go.

  • S
    Dedicated October 2018
    Susan ·
    I’d ignore it, but if she keeps pouting about it then say something. Can’t stand grown women who have to make everything about them. This is YOUR happy time! Do not let her ruin that.

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