Shamieka
Dedicated May 2012

Does he have a say

Shamieka, on July 18, 2011 at 9:45 PM Posted in Planning 0 18
Saved Save
Reply

I am only one week into the planning of our wedding and he will not help with any questions all he say is whatever you want. Help what should I do??? Do I just plan the wedding without his help and he just show up.

18 Comments

  • KuriFury
    Dedicated October 2016
    KuriFury ·
    • Flag

    My FH is the same way! I still talk to him about the details. Every now and then, he may say "uh no, I am NOT doing that!" and I know it was a good idea for me to bring it up, even though he *acts* uninterested. I say still let him know what you are planning because there may be something that you really like but he doesn't. By you keeping him informed, he has a chance to let you know that his opinions, when he has one.

    • Reply
  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
    • Flag

    Honestly, it depends on how you feel about it. Some brides are just as happy to be able to make all the decisions about the wedding without conflicting input from the groom. Others feel like you are both getting married, and the wedding should reflect both of you.

    If you're in the first camp, just plan the wedding you want and be grateful he won't be making you compromise your vision. If you're in the second, you can just tell him that unless he takes an equal share of the planning/payment, there won't be a wedding.

    • Reply
  • cew2
    Super June 2011
    cew2 ·
    • Flag

    Welllll.. at least this way he can't get TOO involved and start deciding he doesn't like anything! lol. Yes, I would say plan away. Keep him updated on the big things like budget, venue, and food; but if he's not interested in the rest, then just have fun with it!

    • Reply
  • Lacy
    Master October 2017
    Lacy ·
    • Flag

    Some men just aren't interested in the details, like DS. DS simply helped me with the big stuff, like picking the location, food, and honeymoon. Everything else, I pretty much did without much input from him. If you think your FS would love to plan the honeymoon or if he is a foodie, you could have him plan the honeymoon or the menu.

    • Reply
  • Shamieka
    Dedicated May 2012
    Shamieka ·
    • Flag

    Thanks you guys well the second part of the issue is he is a very Southern guy how do i add southern style with class and taste so even without his input it will include some of him

    • Reply
  • Katebonnykate
    Super August 2011
    Katebonnykate ·
    • Flag

    I think you should talk to him and tell him that you want this wedding to be about both of you. FH and I had to have it out at one point because he was not engaging with me at all about wedding stuff. Tell him that you need him as a sounding board, a second set of eyes, etc. He may think he's doing the chivalrous thing by letting you have 'whatever you want.'

    • Reply
  • Sarah L.
    VIP September 2011
    Sarah L. ·
    • Flag

    My FH is the same way. I think that most men are that way. I had to just narrow everything down and ask him which one. After winning a bet he was supposed to help me make decisions with out all the complaining but that didn't happen either. He will tell me "It's your wedding" and that weddings are for the women but they fail to realize that we aren't marrying ourselves. I always tell him that it's OUR wedding and not MY wedding.

    • Reply
  • Shamieka
    Dedicated May 2012
    Shamieka ·
    • Flag

    I am will continue to try we have plans to work on the guest list tomorrow I will maybe just have him give me names as the day goes on and not just sitting down with a pad and making a list.

    • Reply
  • Glenn
    Master February 2012
    Glenn ·
    • Flag

    I think that you should talk to him and if he's not willing to give input then you shouldn't worry about adding anything for him. It's always sad to me to hear of guys that don't care Smiley sad

    • Reply
  • Abiti
    VIP June 2012
    Abiti ·
    • Flag

    My FH is very involved in our planning and its nice. we discussed our involvement and I mentioned that it was both of our wedding and it would be helpful if he was. he created our budget in excel and is very much on top of things. He couldnt be anymore amazing. In my opinion it is fun planning together and we laugh at frustrations weve come across and discuss our frustrations.

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master August 2011
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    Talk to him about this issue. Most grooms are not terribly involved in the wedding planning. Make him visit venues with you- and go over the budget together. But be prepared to do the research and make final decisions together. I did all the research, and chose 2-3 options for things. Then, I presented the options to him for his approval. He wanted a say, but didn't want to do the work... But we've agreed on everything every step of the way together.

    • Reply
  • MrsD2011
    Master October 2011
    MrsD2011 ·
    • Flag

    I wish he would put more input in ... but he just isn't interested. He does run errands with me and has helped me with centerpieces, music, photography, food, venue, photographer shopping and dj shopping ... but yeah he's just not that into it.

    • Reply
  • Jasmine
    Super September 2012
    Jasmine ·
    • Flag

    I second what's been said already: most men aren't equally involved as us brides. i've found that narrowing down options and presenting the "finalists" works pretty well lol it's about priority too. my FH's priority is the music and food for the most part. other stuff i ask for his opinion too, but i know his priorities for this. don't worry... you're not alone lol i don't think it's odd at all for men to be a bit passive for wedding planning.

    • Reply
  • Jasmine
    Super September 2012
    Jasmine ·
    • Flag

    Southern style? oh definitely the menu. even if it's not entree and sides, you could definitely do dessert selections: pies, cobblers, pound cake.

    maybe attire somehow like parasols and/or gloves for the BMs and the brides.

    centerpieces could include maybe a fruit display of sorts (think harvest-like).

    • Reply
  • Carole M (a.k.a "old tart")
    Master October 2011
    Carole M (a.k.a "old tart") ·
    • Flag

    If it bothers you, you should talk to him about it.

    On the other hand, FH and I are both micro-managers. So, it has often been a pain in the rear buying even the smallest of things without his input. I have learned to "surprise" him.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Williams
    Expert November 2011
    Mrs. Williams ·
    • Flag

    My FH doesn't have much say either, he tells me he trusts me to make good decisions. The only thing he really wanted to decide on is what he is going to wear. I just hope it all turns out good so he can't blame it on me if it doesn't! lol

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Devoted November 2011
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    I think if you want him more involed tell him and if not look at it as you can do what you like, my FH only wanted input on the guy like stuff....limo dj and photographer lol but the way i do it is pick everything and just tell him so if he has any issues he can tell you and give his input then or like they say forever hold his peace lol

    • Reply
  • Kathleen
    Master August 2012
    Kathleen ·
    • Flag

    Although I agree with everyone who says that most men just don't care as much as we do, I think you'll find that he has more opinions than he even realizes that will come out as your planning gets more involved. And if not, I wouldn't take it personally. I'd count my blessing because then you can have a wedding however you want!

    • Reply

Comment on this discussion

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

WeddingWire article topics