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Expert October 2013

Calling off the Wedding...My Dress and Ring

Crystal, on August 2, 2013 at 12:14 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 24
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6 weeks out...So I made the decision (after lots of thought and tears) to keep my dress. I love it and the dress is 100% about me and not about ex-FH. I'm going to have it preserved and maybe one day I'll get the opportunity to wear it. Granted I may never get married, but if I do I'd like the option. Yes, I'm aware that my body or taste might change or hypothetical FH might be against the idea but I'd still rather be in the position of having the option than sad because the dress has been discontinued and I can't find anything else I love as much. And the money I'd "recover" from selling isn't enough to change my mind.

As for the ring, that's in the process of being sold and I'm giving ex-FH back the $2k he gave me toward the ring (in check form so there's no questions later). The other money will go to my dad to reimburse him for wedding expenses that can't be recovered.

I'm sad about not getting to wear my dress and ring, but not about calling it off. That was the right call.

24 Comments

  • Rachel DellaPorte
    April 2020
    Rachel DellaPorte ·
    • Flag

    It takes incredible courage to call off a wedding. I'm sure you made the right decision.

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  • Out the Window
    Master May 2014
    Out the Window ·
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    You'll wear it, don't you worry!

    • Reply
  • T.
    Master November 2013
    T. ·
    • Flag

    I admire your strength and logic. You are definitely doing the right thing for yourself.

    • Reply
  • C
    Expert October 2013
    Crystal ·
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    My beautiful dress



    • Reply
  • C
    Expert October 2013
    Crystal ·
    • Flag

    And my ring


    • Reply
  • C
    Expert October 2013
    Crystal ·
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    @Jamie - THANK YOU for saying embarrassed! That's the number 1 emotion I've always felt and everyone kept saying that made no sense. Glad I'm not the only one!

    • Reply
  • C
    Expert October 2013
    Crystal ·
    • Flag

    Ex-FH is a wonderful person but we weren't right for each other. There are some major differences in who we are and being together became a huge struggle. At the end of our relationship we were fighting 80% of the time and tolerating each other the rest. We had become more like roommates than a couple about to start their lives together. We're still friendly because we still need to interact about a number of things for a while but I honestly will never bash him because he's a wonderful person - just not the right one for me. I also know that he deserves to be happy and he wasn't with me (even though he wasn't willing to admit it to himself, and may still not be).

    • Reply
  • IrishLove™
    Master October 2013
    IrishLove™ ·
    • Flag

    THAT'S MY DRESS!

    I have to agree with you that is a BEAUTIFUL dress! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • C
    Expert October 2013
    Crystal ·
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    @Irish - so we had matching wedding dates and dresses?!?!?!?!?!?!

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  • We'llAlwaysHaveParis
    Master November 2013
    We'llAlwaysHaveParis ·
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    I wish I would have had your strength in 2005. I give you a TON of credit.

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  • IrishLove™
    Master October 2013
    IrishLove™ ·
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    It would appear so too funny! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • C
    Expert October 2013
    Crystal ·
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    @Danielle - Thanks but things happen for a reason. I'll never regret knowing him or loving him. My only regret is not calling it off sooner because I knew it was a mistake but we kept trying to make it work but it just didn't.

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  • C
    Expert October 2013
    Crystal ·
    • Flag

    @Irish - I love it! I hope you'll have a much better outcome than me though!

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  • IrishLove™
    Master October 2013
    IrishLove™ ·
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    Thanks! You will get to wear the dress someday to the man who deserves to see you in it! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • C
    Expert October 2013
    Crystal ·
    • Flag

    Thanks Jamie. I kept telling people it would be so much easier if he was a bastard but sadly he's not. Who looks a great guy in the face and says, "I don't want to marry you" (I mean those weren't my exact words but you get the point)

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  • MrsHicks
    Master June 2014
    MrsHicks ·
    • Flag

    Crystal you should be proud of yourself for the way you are handling the situation and to recognize you weren't right for each other. Kudos to you! Sorry about it all though, I know it cannot be easy. Good things to come for you, I am sure.

    • Reply
  • Riki
    Master August 2014
    Riki ·
    • Flag

    I actually know of someone who wore their dress the second time around. They ended up being able to sell the ring to a friend.

    There is no shame in calling off a wedding. Its better to call it off before hand and know you are doing the right thing than to through with it and spend even more money and heartache on a miserable marriage and a crappy divorce.

    • Reply
  • C
    Expert October 2013
    Crystal ·
    • Flag

    @Riki - Did she tell her new hubby? I asked a couple of my guy friends and they said, "Why would you even tell the guy you bought it for Round 1?" They have a point...

    • Reply
  • Riki
    Master August 2014
    Riki ·
    • Flag

    Nope, she just used the same dress. He didn't need to know. SHe just had it in storage (similar to how you have yours saved) and brought it out once she got engaged again.

    Do men (most) ever ask about the dress anyway? He could care less about where you got it.

    • Reply
  • C
    Expert October 2013
    Crystal ·
    • Flag

    My thought is that if I do get engaged again I would ask FH how he would feel if I used some ideas from the first wedding for ours. One of my guy friends said that's respectful but it also gauges his general feelings. If my FH said, "I'm cool with some basic stuff but if you did the same venue or theme or dress I'd be really upset" then I'd get a new dress (I already know I would use a different venue and theme)

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