L
Savvy June 2015

Bridesmaid dislikes dress.

Lein/Richter, on December 5, 2014 at 11:48 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 32
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I have one bridesmaid who is very religious and will only wear certain clothing. I tried to pick a dress that would make her feel comfortable ( so i thought) and she doesn't like it and is now telling me she doesn't want to be in the wedding. I feel so bad/sad about this whole situation. She is my FH sister and we both want her to be a part of our special day, I can't change dresses because some of my other bridesmaids already bought theirs. Do I try and convince her to wear the dress or just let it go? Help!

32 Comments

  • B
    Master December 2015
    BunnyLove ·
    • Flag

    Do you have a picture of the dress?

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  • Ally
    VIP October 2014
    Ally ·
    • Flag

    That's a tough situation ....maybe she can have a different job like reading a bible verse or something. If she feels uncomfortable she probably won't change her mind. Sorry you're in this situation :/

    • Reply
  • Happy In Hawaii
    Master July 2015
    Happy In Hawaii ·
    • Flag

    Would you be okay if she made alterations to the dress to be a little different to make it a little better? If it's too low cut maybe wear a camisole under, or if she wants her shoulders covered maybe she can find a matching bolero? I had a bm that had strict religious requirements (she has dropped out for other reasons) and I was extremely mindful of her requirements but to be more budget friendly I found a dress that she would have had to still do some alterations to. I like all the girls dressed the same but if you really want her maybe you can allow her to modify it for her to be comfortable? I definitely wouldn't try to convince her to do something she's not comfortable with.

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  • Kemmie
    VIP May 2015
    Kemmie ·
    • Flag

    Can she wear a shawl, shrug or light scarf?

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  • L
    Savvy June 2015
    Lein/Richter ·
    • Flag

    This is the dress. She is supposed to be in another wedding this summer as well but wants to drop out because those dresses aren't what she likes either, and those are long and strapless. I have seen her wear skirts the length of the dress I chose though.


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  • Kemmie
    VIP May 2015
    Kemmie ·
    • Flag

    Ok I dont see the problem with that dress they are gorgeous I was looking for that style originally. What did she say to you exactly? Did she just say flat out sh doesn't like it, or that she doesn't like it because it's not modest enough? Would you be ok with her buying a different dress in the same color?

    ETA: How long since you picked the dress did she wait to voice her concern? I dunno I feel like it might be something else. Maybe she's not able to afford to be in the wedding?

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  • Angel_D
    Master October 2015
    Angel_D ·
    • Flag

    Sounds like shes a pain in the ass to deal with. let her gooooo

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  • Joy
    Dedicated November 2015
    Joy ·
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    Those who. Truly want to be apart of the ceremony will find a way to do so. Don't stress yourself out, this is your day.

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  • B
    Master December 2015
    BunnyLove ·
    • Flag

    I don't get it. That's a very tasteful dress. However, if she does not want to be a BM, I'd give her another position. Something that will allow her to wear what she's comfortable wearing.

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  • allysia
    Master April 2016
    allysia ·
    • Flag

    Beautiful dress, maybe she thinks it is too short? Ask her exactly what her issues are with the dress and maybe try to get it altered but frankly the fact that she just asked to drop out of the wedding without even trying to come to a compromise with you is telling really. If she really wanted to be a bridesmaid she would try to work with you on this.

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  • T-Rex
    Master August 2013
    T-Rex ·
    • Flag

    I'm thinking maybe she has an issues with the shoulder, not the length.

    If she volunteers to step down, I'd just let her. It is her choice whether or not to be in the wedding. Say, "I understand your choice to not be a bridesmaid. I respect your decision, but if you change your mind, you're more than welcome back."

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  • Nonna T
    Master April 2014
    Nonna T ·
    • Flag

    Oh Mrs E, it's like you are in my wee brain this morning (and so often!) Smiley smile

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  • T-Rex
    Master August 2013
    T-Rex ·
    • Flag

    Hahaha. Tina. It's funny we're posting on the same threads. I'm feeling very advisory this morning, with my cup of coffee and sleepy dogs near me.

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  • soontobeamrs
    VIP July 2015
    soontobeamrs ·
    • Flag

    I am guessing it is the one shoulder! Let her wear a jacket! Why didn't you take her with you shopping for dresses or get her input before having the others purchase her dress? I am assuming you knew she was sensitive to the dresses prior to asking her to be a BM.

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  • Celia Milton
    February 2020
    Celia Milton ·
    • Flag

    That is a pretty modest dress, honestly.. and it looks like it would be flattering on everyone. As others have said, she could wear a bolero; does that dress come with two shoulders? I have lots of bridal parties who don't wear exactly the same style, and i know that for some of the girls, the differences were made for religious preferences. And frankly, whether she likes it or not is really not an issue; you like it, everyone else likes it, the end. It sounds like you went out of your way to be sensitive to her thoughts on it, but she is not really being all that reasonable....

    If she feels that she wants to step down, let her. She could do a reading, help with one of the rituals like a wine sharing or ring warming, or do programs.

    • Reply
  • Emily
    Master May 2014
    Emily ·
    • Flag

    Let her alter it in a way that makes her feel comfortable wearing it, such as adding a jacket or adding length to the bottom.

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  • Kaegurl
    Master June 2014
    Kaegurl ·
    • Flag

    Why didn't the two of you go out together and look at dresses? Sounds like she has a lot of criteria and it would have saved some headache. If she's from out of town - did she send you styles of dresses that would appeal to her? That might have been one optional.

    Another thing is perhaps she just doesn't want to be a bridesmaid. If she's stepped down before perhaps this is just her way of saying no without saying no in the beginning. Some people are weird that way.

    • Reply
  • L
    Savvy June 2015
    Lein/Richter ·
    • Flag

    We didn't go together because we live 4 hours away from each other, and she didn't have enough free time to drive down and look with us. I am going to make a trip up there in the next few weeks to talk to her and figure it out. She did mention she wanted to be a second shooter at our wedding so maybe I will let her do that instead. It's just that if i get rid of one bridesmaid I don't have a back up and one of our groomsmen will be walking alone and I don't like that idea :/

    • Reply
  • A
    VIP March 2015
    Amanda ·
    • Flag

    Your "extra" groomsman doesn't have to walk alone. 2 groomsmen could walk with 1 bridesmaid.

    • Reply
  • OG Ruth
    Master October 2015
    OG Ruth ·
    • Flag

    That's a cute dress and there's nothing about it that's inappropriate. I would ask her what she doesn't like about the dress. Or maybe she's just looking for an excuse to not be in the wedding.

    • Reply

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