Cally
Dedicated October 2013

BM in hospital...wedding in 3 days...replace or not?

Cally, on October 9, 2013 at 8:28 PM Posted in Planning 0 22
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Hi. My sister/bridesmaid is habitually admits herself to the hospital. She has been diagnosed with a chronic condition, but keeps going to the emergency room anyway hoping for a different diagnosis. She usually checks herself in when someone else in the family is receiving attention (my graduation, my brother's birthday, my sister's moving home from Europe etc etc...now my wedding).

So it does really really stink...but she is no physical danger at the present and none of my family is concerned/more annoyed with her doing this yet again. (No one has visited her/is planning on visiting her bc then she stays longer)

It looks like she definitely wont be at rehearsal, and may or may not be at wedding.

Do I ask a friend to fill in? I had one on stand by and have an extra dress bc we knew she might pull something like this. Or should I just keep it as is, without her? And ignore the lack of symmetry. Its okay to have only 2 BMs?

Sorry if I appear callous, this is just HER

22 Comments

  • K
    Expert October 2014
    Kris10 ·
    • Flag

    I don't know your sister, so I can't judge that part, but I would go with having an asymmetrical bridal party. There's no rules that say the bridal party has to be the same on both sides, and I think that would be better than asking someone to fill in at the last second.

    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    Master November 2014
    Stephanie ·
    • Flag

    Don't replace her. I'd tell you the same thing even if you DID believe she was really sick.

    • Reply
  • Angela Marie
    Master May 2014
    Angela Marie ·
    • Flag

    All of thee above.

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    Super August 2013
    Brittany ·
    • Flag

    I agree. I'd just let it be. Why put more stress on yourself? Good luck.

    • Reply
  • PinkTractor
    Devoted September 2013
    PinkTractor ·
    • Flag

    Knowing she might do this to the extent you bought an extra dress...I think you were already prepaeed to ask. Does said friend know she was on standby? Just because of how my family is, i'd go ahead and ask...if your friend isnt offended being last minute.

    • Reply
  • mscountry
    Master July 2014
    mscountry ·
    • Flag

    Since you already were prepared for this i would ask the other if she already knew she was on standby.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Ramos
    Super August 2016
    Mrs. Ramos ·
    • Flag

    I would replace her if I had been prepared for this. No BM should do this knowing how imporatant and emptional a wedding can be to a bride. Especially a sister! If you can talk to her and tell her that if she isn't out by tom that you will need to use a friend because you've envisioned your wedding 'partnered' up. Talk to your friend ASAP and tell her ur situation. Ask her would she be willing to fit in should the situation arise. Im sure she'll be understanding of the circumstances. Remember this is UR day and you can't redo it. You never wanted your weding assymetrical cause if u did you you wouldn't had purchased an extra dress. Good luck!

    • Reply
  • Renesha Gooding
    April 2020
    Renesha Gooding ·
    • Flag

    No need to stress yourself out about the situation don't replace her just continue the ceremony as planned, you can have as many BM as you want.

    • Reply
  • LB
    Master May 2014
    LB ·
    • Flag

    So is she out of the hospital? What are you going to do?

    • Reply
  • Kate
    Master December 2013
    Kate ·
    • Flag

    What the ... you have an extra dress??

    Don't replace her

    • Reply
  • Tash
    Super May 2014
    Tash ·
    • Flag

    I say you don't replace her. It will add to your stress because she'll know you already had this planned. A better thing to do would have been to have 1 extra bm from the beginning (if you knew it was going to happen) so that you didn't have to replace her.

    • Reply
  • HisMrs
    Master September 2012
    HisMrs ·
    • Flag

    Im going against the grain here...

    You obviously expected this kind of behavior from her. Enough to have an extra dress and a girl on stand by. You said this is something she does for attention. Im sorry, I wouldn't cater to her.

    The girl on stand by is probably looking forward to filling in and sounds ready willing and able. Let her.

    You most likely asked your sister to be in your wedding because you care about her feelings... but it doesn't appear that she's taking YOUR feelings into consideration.

    I may be coming off a little harsh because I don't know your sister. But It seems to me that it wouldn't hurt to have her face a little reality that other people DO and WILL have moments in the spotlight. It doesn't always need to be about her. She "chose" to be in the hospital for your wedding. Fine, she misses out. The back up's in.

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    VIP February 2014
    Kelly ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't replace her. If you wanted that person to be in your wedding, they would already be in the wedding and not a back up. Unless you had limited space and were only picking family, and your close friends didn't get to participate in the bridal party for that reason, in which case ask her.

    • Reply
  • C
    Expert October 2013
    Crystal ·
    • Flag

    I'm siding with @HisMrs on this one.

    You bought the extra dress for a reason and your friend rocks for being willing to be on standby. Include her and write her an extra special thank you note. If your sister recovers I'd consider whether you want her in the BM at all. What if she fakes fainting during the ceremony for attention?

    • Reply
  • STBMsMullings
    Super July 2015
    STBMsMullings ·
    • Flag

    So what happened???

    • Reply
  • Riki
    Master August 2014
    Riki ·
    • Flag

    Replace her with a quickness, then show her all the pics showing how much of a good time everyone had without her.

    • Reply
  • Zzil
    Master October 2014
    Zzil ·
    • Flag

    Don't replace her. You already had a backup plan so it probably wouldn't cause extra stress that way, but be prepared for her to hear about it from someone else and get out just in time to be present. That would be stressful imo. How would you handle that? Would your friend who is happy to be a back up be okay with stepping down? Would you keep her in and then have an uneven number? If she is that attention seeking, would she throw a fit if she knew she was replaced, or could you say that because you are concerned for her health you've asked someone to fill in for her?

    • Reply
  • Nadine
    VIP August 2015
    Nadine ·
    • Flag

    Replace her and if she acts butthurt let her know that you fully expected it to happen and list off how she has done that with what ever situations before. Sometimes people need it spelled out to them before they realize they are acting selfish or shitty

    • Reply
  • Rachel DellaPorte
    April 2020
    Rachel DellaPorte ·
    • Flag

    No opinion here...too many unknown variables. This is completely your call. I'm just sorry that you're dealing with this, and sorry for her (if she uses the hospitalizations to take attention away from other people, that's just pathetically sad). Is she actually being admitted to the hospital every time she goes to the ER? Hospitals generally don't admit people just because they want more tests, especially since they have her medical records which would indicate a chronic condition and this pattern of behavior. Also, something to consider...is it possible that stress causes flare ups of her condition (since these hospitalizations seem to coincide with other large events)?

    I just hope you have a wonderful wedding, with or without her.

    • Reply
  • D
    Master May 2014
    D ·
    • Flag

    Wedding is over...it was Saturday.

    • Reply

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