Sara
Just Said Yes September 2019

Awkward Wedding Day Questions

Sara, on April 3, 2019 at 3:27 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 79
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I've heard that one thing that happens pretty consistently at weddings is everyone is already asking if the bride is pregnant, when she will be pregnant, when the couple plans on having kids, etc. We've already been receiving some pressure from both our families, so I talked to my fiance and he understands that I am pretty adamant about not having to deal with guests pressuring me about having babies or if I'm pregnant (we're not having alcohol, so sometimes this leads people to assume things about the bride, I guess?..) and he agrees that we shouldn't have to deal with that. We had already talked about that before he even proposed so we're on the same page about our relationship, but we really don't think other people have any business prying into such personal stuff, especially on our wedding day. I did some thinking, and we are considering putting something like this in our programs:


"A Note From the Couple

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a……

...whole bunch of fun, laughs, and memories made! Please don’t ask if the bride is pregnant/when we’re planning on having kids/if we’ll have a family someday.

Instead, we’d like to spend today focusing on the newly-forged union between us and all the fun we will have together! Chat with us about honeymoon plans, our careers and aspirations, or our story so far (that’s what we’re celebrating today!). Thanks in advance!

Who wants to spend time talking about other people’s babies, anyway? Let’s have some fun!"


Or this:

"FAQ (so you don’t have to)

When are you having kids? -- We don't know!

Are you planning to have a family someday? -- Maybe

When will the bride get pregnant? -- N/A

Why aren’t you having alcohol at your reception? -- Didn't want to pay for it/don't like it that much/family-friendly atmosphere

Would you rather focus on your wedding and celebrate your relationship with all of your closest family and friends today than talk about having kids? -- Absolutely! Let's have some fun!"

Thoughts? Is this too abrasive? Other ideas?

79 Comments

  • Lauren
    Dedicated June 2020
    Lauren ·
    You know, I actually like this. I couldn’t believe how many people asked about the wedding date when we announced our engagement. My reply was a pretty standard “we’ve only been engaged for an hour so we’re just enjoying that for now.” I’ve thought about the baby question too, and I kind of like the idea of putting a note in the program or something. People might see it as not polite but frankly I don’t know why it’s polite to ask about people’s reproductive plans so I say go for it. I personally like your first version better. I may copy you haha.
  • Alycia
    Devoted April 2020
    Alycia ·
    It's an innovative idea. So people may be put off by it and some might not even read it. Not sure how effective it would be. If you decide to do it, let us know.
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB Online ·

    Completely unnecessary and will do nothing to stop the truly nosy from saying something. And runs the risk of having a lot of people thinking your being completely extra (I would...). Just skip it. People being nosy is part of life, time to learn how to respond in a way the shuts people down. ex "We're just focusing on being newleyweds right now" or "Haven't really thought about it"

  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly Online ·
    I cringe when I read this but maybe that’s because no one asked me these questions when we were engaged and still no one has really asked since we’ve been married. I wouldn’t put it in the program but if you’re dead set on putting it somewhere I would put it on the website faq page.
  • Victorian Bride
    VIP December 2019
    Victorian Bride ·
    Hi Sara!! Welcome!!! Yes, I have heard of those things happening before, but rarely where I live. I can't IMAGINE someone prying like this aft your wedding!! If you feel you must, I like the FAQ's. Make sure your answers are funny and entertaining, though. If you are having a formal wedding, I dont think it's appropriate to do either. I would address this question on your wedding website, if you feel you must. Best wishes!!
  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·

    You have to do what you think is best. People are going to be nosy, ask details and make you uncomfortable. That's not entirely in your control.

  • Fwbride
    Super July 2019
    Fwbride ·
    I will be honest as a guest I would read that and feel like I was getting scolded for something I hadn’t even done yet. Idk, it just doesn’t sound nice, maybe because you’re trying so hard to make it seem nice.
  • Becca
    Expert July 2019
    Becca ·

    I think it is a little unnecessary. I never would think about asking. Whether we like it or not, when you decide to commit to people that is one of the first things people think. For many though, they don't. I would never ask something like this and I am not expecting it at all at my wedding (nor have I ever thought it would happen anywhere). I personally would be put off and it would make me wonder why they were focusing so much on pregnancy at a wedding.

  • Mandy
    VIP May 2019
    Mandy ·

    I wouldn't put this in your program. I really don't think it's the right time or place to put something this blunt and bold out there. If someone asks about kids for example, just say something like "we really just want to enjoy this day and being married for awhile" and let it go.

    A lot of people like to talk about other peoples babies, especially parents and grandparents. If I saw this in a program, I'd make sure I'd ask you about having kids, your future family, etc just because you're SO adamant about it not being mentioned. I'm a smarta... like that..

    I doubt anyone is going to ask why you don't have alcohol and saying you didn't want to pay for it so bluntly just makes you look cheap. We're doing a dry wedding and it is what it is. There's no need to elaborate.

  • Mrs. H
    Rockstar September 2019
    Mrs. H ·

    Please do not do this… it only draws attention to a subject that really isn't as big of an issue as you're anticipating it to be.

  • Future Mrs. K
    VIP June 2019
    Future Mrs. K ·
    View Quoted Comment

    THIS!!
    This entire thing is so cringe-worthy to me.

  • Deirdre
    Super March 2018
    Deirdre ·

    I can say no one asked me about this on our wedding day. I do like the suggestion of putting it on your wedding website instead of in the program. I would think it was a little odd as a guest if something was printed in the program, and as a PP said, people will still ask you if they want to be that nosy. Even after being married for a year, I rarely get these types of questions (sometimes from my MIL, and a couple of friends here and there, but it's rare). I think it just kind of goes with the territory. Is there a reason this question bothers you so much?

  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    I find this to be really cringy. Don’t punish people for questions they haven’t even asked. If you really must, I suppose you could put it on your website, but it seems really inappropriate for the programs.
  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree with this. Although, I don't necessarily like your plan...if that is what you think is best then go for it. I just think it won't stop the truly nosy people, and might come off as offensive. We can't control what people talk about or ask, we can only control how we respond.

  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
    I think this is completely unnecessary and is going to make you look incredibly dramatic. I don’t know anyone who has ever been asked this at their wedding. I’ve also never heard of guests assuming no alcohol= the bride is pregnant. The two weddings I’ve been to where the bride was already pregnant had full open bars.
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB Online ·
    View Quoted Comment

    I cringed too. And maybe rolled my eyes a little bit...

  • Amelia
    Dedicated May 2020
    Amelia ·

    Nope, just no, please. Cringing is such a good word for the feeling when reading this! Instead of people talking about if you are pregnant or not, they will be talking about how you are a drama queen. Sorry. Have a couple diversion lines ready in case people do ask awkward questions. "Thanks for your input, so what did you like best about the ceremony?" "I don't drink normally, why would I start now?" "Interesting thought, what song should we request from the DJ next"

  • Victoria
    VIP October 2018
    Victoria ·
    No one asked us any of those questions at our wedding. I'd leave it out. Putting it in the program might actually have the opposite effect and you may find yourselves fending off those questions by well-intentioned guests teasing you.
  • Gen
    Master June 2019
    Gen ·
    Please don’t do this... I agree with Fwbride who said it feels like your guests are being scolded for something they didn’t do. I also feel like it draws way more attention to this topic than your guests would bring on their kwn
  • Angela
    Expert June 2019
    Angela ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Agreed! I’m afraid you’ll end up with the opposite effect of what you’re going for. The majority of people who never would’ve thought about whether or not you’ll be having kids, Will now be thinking about it and wondering why it was so significantly important for you to bring attention to the fact that you don’t want to talk about it on your wedding day. I feel like the note in and of itself takes away from your special day.

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