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ThePeoplesBride
VIP October 2020

Asking For Your Hand In Marriage

ThePeoplesBride, on April 10, 2018 at 5:50 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 146
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Did your FS ask your parents/guardian for their blessing to marry you?

I know this a rather old tradition and I'm curious to find out if there is anyone else whose FS followed it. Or is there anyone whose families negotiated their marriage*?

*marriage negotiation as according to certain cultures, even in a love match.

146 Comments

  • jerzgrlnmd
    Expert May 2018
    jerzgrlnmd ·
    • Flag
    He didn’t ask them but he did let them know of his intentions to propose to me. He explained that he loved me and wanted their blessing but he didn’t technically ask IF he could propose.
    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner July 2019
    Kaitlyn ·
    • Flag
    My husband asked my dad for permission to marry me! My family is not traditional, but it was important to my hubby that he ask my dad first because we moved from Canada to the USA. I think my dad appreciated the display of respect but he would have never been insulted if my hubby hadn't asked.
    • Reply
  • Deryn
    Expert October 2018
    Deryn ·
    • Flag
    My FH did. My dad offered my mom’s engagement ring for him to propose with (I love my moms ring and how simple it is)
    • Reply
  • futuremrspayne
    Expert May 2019
    futuremrspayne ·
    • Flag
    My FH asked my dad for “permission”, but I think it was more of a heads up out of respect rather than permission! Then he told my mom too! Like pp stated, if was more of a blessing than asking!
    • Reply
  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
    • Flag
    I did not ask my H's mother for permission/blessing to marry him.
    • Reply
  • K
    Dedicated November 2018
    Kristin ·
    • Flag
    My dad passed away when I was 10 but he asked my mom for her blessing and if she thought my dad would give his blessing as well if he was still here. 💕
    • Reply
  • ThePeoplesBride
    VIP October 2020
    ThePeoplesBride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Same here! Unbeknownst to me, my FH had asked before we moved from my home state to his.

    My dad had figured by that point that marriage was the goal for our relationship. He was thrilled that FH had asked him instead of just proposing.
    • Reply
  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
    • Flag
    He told my parents he was going to ask me. I was grateful because they are important to me but I would have been beyond angry if he asked permission. Self determination much?
    • Reply
  • ThePeoplesBride
    VIP October 2020
    ThePeoplesBride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I think that's a really good point. That asking, in today's context, is more of a way to prepare your parents for what is coming next.
    • Reply
  • JENNIFER
    Super May 2019
    JENNIFER ·
    • Flag
    My FH didnt ask my parents for my hand in marriage. But, he did tell them both he was going to propose and when he was going to do it.
    • Reply
  • BrandiWeds18
    VIP May 2019
    BrandiWeds18 ·
    • Flag

    Yup, my FH asked my mom and step dad prior. I forget when but they knew about the "surprise" engagement and all. He even showed my mom the ring the day before the engagement right under my nose, i didnt know what was going on. I never stated that i specifically needed him to ask for my hand in marriage as it tends to be outdated but i always said it would be a nice gesture. My FH thought it was important to do so, also especially because he hadn't met my step dad in person before.

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    He asked for my dad’s blessing. I have an extremely close relationship with my dad and am from the south and pretty traditional, so I told my FH he wasn’t allowed to purchase the ring until he had my dad’s blessing. Not really permission per se.
    • Reply
  • P
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Paula ·
    • Flag
    It all depends on you and your relationship with your family. If you and you're family are close or even if you respect one another then I think the curtesy thing to do is either ask or let them know and get advice. If you're not close to your family I wouldn't worry about it but I would invite them to the engagement party to celebrate your happiness.
    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2018
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    He didn't ask them because I told him not to, which he was happy because it's not a tradition he likes. I said, "I choose my own school, career, and boyfriend, I will also choose my own husband. I should know about engagement before they do because it's my life." But that's me. To each their own.
    • Reply
  • Julie
    VIP April 2018
    Julie ·
    • Flag
    He did ask for my dad’s permission and he cherished that moment. My FH still have the receipt from lunch that day!
    • Reply
  • AmandaJHGV
    Devoted October 2017
    AmandaJHGV ·
    • Flag

    Nope. Standing out on the patio of the apartment we had just finished moving into, H started asking me a bunch cryptic (to me) questions that apparently were aimed at determining whether him asking my dad/parents for permission to marry me would be something I'd want (because tradition), something I'd resent (because I'm an independent adult, dammit), or something I didn't really give a hoot about (because whatever). Once he figured out that the answer was #3, he dropped to one knee right then and there.

    • Reply
  • Daria
    VIP January 2019
    Daria ·
    • Flag

    Mine didn't. But actually my sister kind of hinted to my dad that her soon to be FH might ask him. My dad thought it was awkward and called to ask me what he was supposed to say! LOL.

    • Reply
  • Jacquelyn
    Beginner October 2019
    Jacquelyn ·
    • Flag

    Mines did. He took my dad out to eat before hand and asked for permission. I know it is old and traditional but I like it that way

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    VIP September 2018
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    My FH did not ask my parents’ permission. I had a hunch he was going to ask me so they knew it was more than likely going to happen. But he did not approach them about it and I’m okay with that. I don’t have a close relationship with either of them so their “acceptance” doesn’t mean much to me
    • Reply
  • Porterpoppin
    VIP March 2019
    Porterpoppin ·
    • Flag
    He asked my dad for his blessing months in advance. He didn’t tell my mom though lol
    • Reply

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