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Expert October 2020

As a Bride, what do you do after Bridal Party is picked?

Shaina, on December 3, 2019 at 4:43 PM Posted in Planning 0 18

I recently picked my Bridesmaids In November before Thanksgiving. I created a group me chat since not everyone has i phones Smiley smile. I have got some questions on if i want a bachelorette party to be a surprise or not and I just said I don't mind if It s a surprise, but just let me know the date lol. In addition, I have also had some questions from MTOH(best friend) of what is expected. I felt like just sending links to the group of what some of the roles are, but another part of me feels uncomfortable telling them what to do lol.

I have not gone bridal dress shopping at all. Just saving and I told them I plan to buy in Jan

Feb-March I would like to go Bridesmaid dress shopping

My mom and sister(MOH) have already got a date down and a place booked for a bridal shower. I haven't shared that yet with the Bridal party.

Do I also let them know what they should pay for?


I didnt want to bombard them as soon as they were picked


Any help and advice appreciated with what A bride is supposed/should/could do after they have picked their members

18 Comments

Latest activity by Kristen, on December 4, 2019 at 1:58 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    The only thing they should be required to pay for is their attire, which most people assume when they agree to be in a wedding party. Other than that, there's nothing that you need to do until it's time to go dress shopping.

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  • S
    Expert October 2020
    Shaina ·
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    Okayy I just don't want them to feel like I am ignoring them at all lol. After everyone has been introduced we all said hi and such, but thats it.(oh and happy thanksgiving Smiley laugh)

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I would say communicate some logical expectations because I often see on here brides to be that do not do that and then vent that their brides do nothing. If they are asking if you want a bachelorette and you do then leave it to them to plan what they want. I think the most logical (unless due to an emergency) is that they are present for the wedding related events and have their dresses before the wedding and of course be there day of for support. In regards to responsible payments really just dresses but if you expect they use your MUA and hairdresser then let them know the prices but tell them upfront. Hope that helps.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Just treat your individual friendships like you normally would. Unless you need to communicate something important or they ask, I would keep wedding talk to a minimum.

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  • S
    Expert October 2020
    Shaina ·
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    Yeah your're right. I should say something like that so they know. Would you suggest a certain way to say it? or when to say it?

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  • S
    Expert October 2020
    Shaina ·
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    Wedding talk to a minimum. Got it Smiley smile thank you

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I think take them out for a brunch (you do not have to pay lol) but just at one point in the beginning just say that you wanted to let them know what you would like for them as bridesmaids and that you hope you are not being difficult but you just want to avoid any confusions or things. Then just tell them that you would love for them to be present for: x,y,z. Also, let them know if the can't to just let you know in advance and that you hope we keep in constant communication. Also, let them know about the shower plan because maybe they want to help. Smiley smile

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Agree with Caytlyn that you really should only communicate important wedding info with them in the group chat. For example, if the bridal shower date is set - I would tell them all, but just remember that while it's nice if everyone can make it, it's not a requirement - so please don't get really upset if they can't all come to all pre-wedding events.


    Individually, ask them all for their budgets for attire/alterations. That way no one feels uncomfortable disclosing that in a group chat and you know where you need to cap your BM dress shopping! When you find what you like or want to go shopping, invite them all to come if they want (again, they are not required to come!).


    Essentially - just treat them like friends and only use the group chat for sharing things like event dates, dress options, day of plans, etc.

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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    All my girls had to do was buy the dress! I tried really hard to keep my friendships with them the same as I always have!

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    After I had mine picked I started a group chat for them to get to know each other and communicate on
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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    Dont do this. This is the epitome of being extra.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    How so? I constantly read in this forum how Brides get frustrated that their brides are not buying dresses or are not in attendance for big events that I feel that anyone in a bridal party should be at unless they have a unexcused reason why. I don't understand how that's extra.
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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    Asking your whole bridal party to come to a brunch which they then have to pay for something that just could just be communicated over an email is extra to me.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I would say this because I'm not having a traditional wedding maybe you should listen to everyone else. I don't want to come off as if I'm telling you to be a bridezilla to your bridal party. I personally feel that everyone will handle things differently but I just feel like anytime I've been a bridesmaid I made sure I just put a little bit more effort than a regular guest. Why? Because for me if I were having a wedding and I did choose ladies to be a part of my bridal party I would hope that they would be present for all of my celebrations unless they had an unforeseen circumstance or a real important reason why they couldn't come. I have seen some Brides vent that their bridal party doesn't communicate or show up at any events and then they feel frustrated. I personally feel Bridal parties are different than just a regular guests attending. If a guest that were attending my wedding but chooses not to come to any other celebrations I may have I would not be offended but if someone who I trust enough to stand by my side on my important day didn't come because they just didn't want to or they just felt like not coming I would take that to heart. Maybe my opinion is not What attitude dictates or the popular opinion but I personally feel that if you choose to be in someone's bridal party a little bit more is expected of you than just show up on the day in a dress to stand by your side even though that is the main goal I personally feel that you're committing to a little bit more unless you have a valid reason why you cannot. I can agree that maybe you don't have so many expectations but I will say that if financially you want them to get a certain dress or hair or makeup maybe ask their input to make sure it's okay with their finances but I would just take communicate that up front because there have been time at the last minute I've been told that I need to get my makeup done by professional and it's going to be about $70 and that kind of rub me the wrong way. Maybe at this point is just best to just sit back and see what happens but let the ladies know about the events coming up and hope that they can be there 2 support you in your big day.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I just saw it as meeting up for brunch but I didn't realize that meeting up with your girls was something extra. Maybe it's just me and my friends but usually when we get together because at our stages in life we don't have a ton of time to hang out between significant others and kids so we usually meet up for brunch. I see your point in terms of communicating something but a part of the reason I also said meeting in person is because I do feel that through email or text messages tones can be misconstrued and then she could definitely sound rude. In my opinion getting your friends together to meet up for brunch to maybe just mention that but then enjoy the rest of the time just hanging out and chilling is not extra but that's just me. I can see what other ladies have said to maybe just I need things so she doesn't come off rude to her friends but I still think that she could meet up with her friends just to have a nice casual brunch no? My overall intentions wasn't just to invite them out for brunch just to have a conversation but just to maybe mention it and then spend the rest of time enjoying themselves. Sorry for the confusion.
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  • S
    Expert October 2020
    Shaina ·
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    Thank you so much for your helpful advice! Just want to make sure I don't come off Bridezilla-ish and or too controlling. I think I will send out a message to the group chat about everything and ask if they have any questions for me Smiley smile

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Because it's not up to you as the bride to decide what constitutes a good enough reason for me to miss something. Obviously most people will make an effort to be at the pre-wedding events, but they are not necessary and declining an invitation is a perfectly reasonable thing to do regardless of the reason. I don't need to pay for my own brunch at a bridesmaids meeting to be told what I can and can't do with my own time in relation to your wedding. That's why it's "extra".


    Communicate the necessary information and treat me like you usually do. I dont' know why that's hard.

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Okay understood. Have a good day.

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